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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drunk DP sleeping in the bed

209 replies

Janefromdowntheroad · 15/05/2016 08:31

Do you ask your DP to stay downstairs when he comes in drunk? Do you sleep downstairs?

Every bloody time DP comes in he tries to come upstairs even after I asked told him not too.

I hate the smell of stale alcohol on the sheets, DD is still co-sleeping at 13 months (we do have a super king and she's on my side so not really an issue)

He comes in last night at 1am and I can hear him creeping upstairs. Stumbles over the doorstep and starts getting unchanged. I told him to go downstairs. He starts moaning its cold down there and he's going straight to sleep. DD wakes up Angry. I manage to fall back asleep and then he's moving around in the bed because he can't get comfortable. I told him to fuck off downstairs. He starts telling me about his night because he's pissed and isn't listening. I told him to shut up and go to sleep. Twenty minutes later I wake up to him throwing up out of the window Angry. Woke up properly this time and told him to go back downstairs and that he isn't sleeping up there with us if he's that pissed that he's being sick. He ends up ranting about 'not being able to sleep in his own his in his own house', 'work all week and can't even sleep in his own bed'. Basically just being a twat because he's drunk.

This happens every bloody time he goes out. I don't think its unreasonable to expect him to stay downstairs when he's pissed.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheWiseOldFairy · 15/05/2016 08:57

You should never co-sleep with a bay on a sofa. I can't believe posters are seriously suggesting that. It's extremely dangerous.

scarednoob · 15/05/2016 08:58

My DP rarely gets to go for a proper night out, so when he does, I am quite happy for him to come home in any state at any time, so long as he sleeps in the spare room. We don't co-sleep but DD is still in with us.

Every time he agrees happily to this when sober. Every time he stumbles in and shambles around wanting a cuddle "because I loooooove you". Grrr.

I do tell him to shush and eventually he takes the hint. If the baby were in the bed with me, he'd get something much harsher! So because of the co-sleeping business, YANBU. Otherwise if it's only every few months, suck it up!

Smooshface · 15/05/2016 08:58

What good would her sleeping on the sofa do, surely be would wake her when he came in? And why would the drunk person deserve the comfy bed? If we didn't have a spare room my dp would also on sofa if I were still cosleeping, and he wouldn't need telling to do that!

Feeches · 15/05/2016 09:00

If my dh came home late pissed and woke me and my baby several times he'd be told to fuck off. As would I if I did it.

Seems reasonable to me.

coco1810 · 15/05/2016 09:00

As PP I think you really need to talk to him about his drinking if he's that drunk he comes to bed and speaks to you so belligerently. Vomiting out of the window is wholly unacceptable too. You are right that he should have slept it off downstairs and not even attempted to be near either you or DC in that state. My DP came home just once in that state when DD was less than six months old (to be fair his drinks had been spoked by the very mature individuals at his golf club). He was told if it happened just once more, he was gone. That was seven years ago, he's never done it again.

DoinItFine · 15/05/2016 09:00

He was so pissed that he was soon going to be vomiting out the window in the manner of a disgusting, filthy wino tramp in a squat.

And he was planning get to get into bed with a baby that had been asleep before he started banging around.

Telling him to fuck off is totally fair enough.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 15/05/2016 09:01

yanbu, drunk is not compatible with co-sleeping.

peggyundercrackers · 15/05/2016 09:01

For throwing up out the window alone he would be kicked out. Seriously being sick out the window? That absolutely disgusting... Your neighbours must love you.

HermioneJeanGranger · 15/05/2016 09:02

Before everyone jumps on me, I never said that DP vomiting or whatever was in any way decent behaviour, but if I came home slightly worse-for-wear, having probably forgotten that I was meant to sleep downstairs, and my partner told me to shut up and fuck off, it wouldn't make me want to cooperate.

Yes, he should have just gone onto the sofa, but I know when I've come in from a night out, I just want my bed! He needs to clean up the vomit and take DD off your hands (and out of the house, preferably) so you can have a lie-in/have a bath/MN/whatever, and hopefully he'll feel pretty stupid and sorry for himself when he wakes up.

Is there a spare room or somewhere he can go instead of the sofa next time? Might be a good idea to set up a spare bed, along with bottle of water and bucket, and then he can go straight there rather than have to sleep on the sofa - you'll just be faced with a hungover wreck in your living room otherwise!

JonSnowsBeardClippings · 15/05/2016 09:02

Why should the op have to accept being woken by a noisy drunk person and have t sleep next to a smelly, snoring drunk person all night anyway, even without the baby element? Fucking disgusting. I will never sleep next to a drunk person again, possibly why I'm reacting so strongly to this and others think it's NBD

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 15/05/2016 09:02

In a bit of a quandary about this one. My DH goes out for a few drinks and very occasionally comes back drunk. I'd never expect him to sleep on the sofa, but then again, nowadays we only sleep with the dog.

Im wondering about the co sleeping part. At what stage does the bed become adult territory again? My sister's DD is still there at nearly 3, but she's a single parent. I wouldn't have been happy with DH getting into bed drunk when DC were in there and little but not for such an extended period.

heyhulahoop · 15/05/2016 09:04

YANBU.
Some of the responses on here are mindboggling. Drunk sleepers are snorey loud and annoying, sleeping on the sofa for one night won't kill him and it's selfish to insist on sharing with you and the baby in that state.

Oh and to the person thy said "pop the baby in the cot", firstly why should she have to? And secondly there's normally a reason why parents co sleep and it's sometimes cos it's the only way the baby will sleep!

Oh and puking out of the window?! What is this, Tudor times?

DoinItFine · 15/05/2016 09:04

Might be a good idea to set up a spare bed, along with bottle of water and bucket

Dear Woman,

It is your job to plan for your husband being a drunk arsehole.

Kind regards,

The Patriarchy

DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke · 15/05/2016 09:05

Yet again I find myself baffled by MN.

OP is co-sleeping with a 13 m/o baby. She has already asked her DP in advance to sleep downstairs when he comes in from his night out.

Her DP ignores this and comes upstairs waking her and the baby up and refusing to sleep downstairs. She then gets woken up by him moving about, at which point she tells him to 'fuck off'. He ignores this and starts a tale of his evening's antics, so she tells him to shut up. She's then woken up again by him because he is vomiting out of the window, at which point her DP starts on with his 1950s traditional rant of working all week, denied his own bed blah, blah, blah.

And she is being unreasonable for not taking the baby and sleeping on the sofa? Confused Hmm

JonSnowsBeardClippings · 15/05/2016 09:05

Hermione, he wasn't slightly worse for wear he was wasted. I'm sure the op could judge how wasted he was before he started puking out of the bedroom window.

Have you women who are trying to project yourselves into this situation ever lived with a man who can't control his drinking? Do you have any idea what a staggering, slurring, stinking, belligerent drunk man is like, in your bedroom in the small hours when you have been peacefully asleep? It's utterly, utterly horrible.

heyhulahoop · 15/05/2016 09:05

Yes, he should have just gone onto the sofa, but I know when I've come in from a night out, I just want my bed!

Well yes so do I, but when you're in family there are other people to consider aren't there.

CottonSock · 15/05/2016 09:06

My dh would go to spare room / sofa if drunk or for any reason I ask. I'd do the same if he asked me. If he did this puking out the window I'd be pissed off for at least a week. Yanbu!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/05/2016 09:07

It's once every 4 months Jon.

LoveFromUs · 15/05/2016 09:07

To me he sounds like a disgusting human being just like all people that get drunk, it's fine to have a drink but not to the point that you are stumbling over. I would leave my DP if he acted the same way as yours.

RedToothBrush · 15/05/2016 09:07

Anyone who gets so drunk they throw up out of the window when they have a 13month child is quite a catch, aren't they?

I don't think your issue is about which bed your DP sleeps in.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/05/2016 09:07

The puking is grim. It must be splattered everywhere.

Gowgirl · 15/05/2016 09:09

There is a big difference between someone who goes out every few months and overdoes it and someone who is a pissed twat on a regular basis.
Chances are he will feel like crap and extreamley contrite this morning!

civilfawlty · 15/05/2016 09:09

What JonSnowsBeardClippings said.

FlyChickie · 15/05/2016 09:09

YANBU I would (and have done) totally tell DH to fuck off to spare room. In fact, I tell DH before he goes out, something along the lines of 'if you even THINK about waking me or DC when you come in I will make mincemeat out of you...'

And just wtf is it with the shrinking violet PP's getting upset over someone being told to fuck off? Really?? Are you aware how much you're missing the point??? Go back to your Countdown and yearly glass of Dubonnet..

AugustaFinkNottle · 15/05/2016 09:09

The main issue is that he's immature enough to get into this state in the first place.

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