Drunk DP sleeping in the bed

[Janefromdowntheroad]

Do you ask your DP to stay downstairs when he comes in drunk? Do you sleep downstairs?

Every bloody time DP comes in he tries to come upstairs even after I asked told him not too.

I hate the smell of stale alcohol on the sheets, DD is still co-sleeping at 13 months (we do have a super king and she's on my side so not really an issue)

He comes in last night at 1am and I can hear him creeping upstairs. Stumbles over the doorstep and starts getting unchanged. I told him to go downstairs. He starts moaning its cold down there and he's going straight to sleep. DD wakes up . I manage to fall back asleep and then he's moving around in the bed because he can't get comfortable. I told him to fuck off downstairs. He starts telling me about his night because he's pissed and isn't listening. I told him to shut up and go to sleep. Twenty minutes later I wake up to him throwing up out of the window . Woke up properly this time and told him to go back downstairs and that he isn't sleeping up there with us if he's that pissed that he's being sick. He ends up ranting about 'not being able to sleep in his own his in his own house', 'work all week and can't even sleep in his own bed'. Basically just being a twat because he's drunk.

This happens every bloody time he goes out. I don't think its unreasonable to expect him to stay downstairs when he's pissed.

AIBU?

YANBU

Dear Woman,

It is your job to plan for your husband being a drunk arsehole.

Kind regards,

The Patriarchy

My DH is not allowed upstairs I make him a bed up on sofa . 5 years ago he came home drunk urinating on floor and shouting and waking our ds up . He wouldn't dare come upstairs after that .

AIBU to be slightly astonished that regularly coming in totally legless when you have young children, is seen as reasonable normal behaviour?

If the OP did what her DH does, doubtless the handmaidens would be out in force telling her what a bad mother she is.

It sounds like him getting pissed isn't a regular occurrence, my wife gets pissed a few times a year and she ends being sick, should I leave her? No? Thought not.

I never sleep with DH when he's drunk. Not when we were first courting, not when we were first married, and definately not once DD came along.

Sleeping with a sweaty stinky drunk (of either sex) is a seriously quick way to go off someone. The smell of stale beer is enough to make me boak, and its not just the sheets - that smell sinks into the mattress.

It's fucking disgusting. Fuck Off is the most reasonable response to being woken up after midnight.

This is the conversation we had before he went out

DP don't come upstairs when you come in

Yeah yeah I know

DP I'm not joking I'll be really pissed off if you wake us up

Yeah I won't

Yeah you said that last time and you still came up

I know I know I won't come up

He knows I hate him sleeping upstairs drunk. The stale booze smell is gross. I don't want to hear who he bumped into in the kebab shop or the really funny thing that happened in the pub.

We don't have neighbours but the foxes probably don't care about him throwing up out of the window. He can clean that up himself.

So what if it's only every 4 months? My ex only does this about that often now. It didn't make it any less horrible when it happened. Would you say 'it's only every 4 months' if it was a punch in the face, or verbal abuse, or gambling away the rent?

Davecamoron are you my dh, he is so pleased when I get a rare night out!
I don't tend to puke but I do chat bollocks to him!

I don't care about him going out. I go out the same amount he does. He doesn't mind me sleeping upstairs but if he asked me too I'd sleep downstairs.

Yes because getting pissed is the same as punching someone or gambling

Seriously WTF?

Of course YANBU! You couldn't be any more reasonable if you tried.

DH used to be a complete nightmare when he got to a certain 'drunk' point, so he now makes sure he never gets like that. It's not hard, he just drinks less.

Your partner needs to learn his limits if he's drinking to the point of boaking out a bloody window and more importantly disturbing you and DD's sleep.

He's lucky he didn't spend the night in the shed.

Gowgirl maybe

Dave - the puking isn't the issue. The issue is that OP has a baby sleeping in the bed with her that she doesn't want to disturb and has also told her DP that she cannot stand the smell of stale alcohol.

YANBU op I've asked my dp to do the same and he sometimes asks me to sleep in the spare room especially if he's had a difficult night with the dcs and one is in with him.

He has given me the it's my house I'll sleep where I want speech before he paid for that the next day.

I think there's a difference between getting pissed and getting so pissed that you vomit.

Most people grow out of that, particularly once they've had kids.

We've always co slept with the dc when they are babies so of course a drunk adult doesn't get in the bed. Mind you when the dc are babies the chance of one of us being drunk is minute! Who has the time, money or energy when they have very young dc?
DS3 was a big surprise and is 5 years and 8 months younger than ds2, so for quite a while before he was conceived there was no baby around and no co sleeping going on and there was occasional parental drunkenness. Neither of us were relegated to the sofa for being drunk then. Although if dh or I were in a puking out of the window state the other parent would be disgusted and words would be had. There's still parenting to be done the morning after and no one will manage that with the kind of hangover that comes from being that blotto.

Yanbu

Can't believe some of the responses.

I fucking hate drunks at the best of times but one that was spewing out my window would have me raging.

He needs to grow up.

Way to miss the point
I'm pointing out that unacceptable/abusive behaviour is unacceptable no matter how rarely it occurs.

This man does not respect the OP. Nor does he take his responsibility as a parent seriously.

That's the heart of the matter.

5 years ago he came home drunk urinating on floor and shouting and waking our ds up . He wouldn't dare come upstairs after that

Can't believe you broadcasted that as if it were normal - and I guess you are still with him?

I don't go to the pub that often. Consequently when I do, I find it easy to get too drunk too quickly. IMO his getting pissed 3x a year isn't an issue and is nothing like him punching someone.
The problem is that once drunk he's an unreasonable arsehole. So it's a yanbu from me. He either needs to make alternative arrangements for sleeping and stick with them, or stop drinking so much.

I think if you're getting so drunk you're puking out of a window and waking up your wife and baby then you need to grow up.

He sounds incredibly immature.

(And I say that as someone who has worked in pubs all my life and was an extremely heavy drinker in my teens and early 20s).

The problem with mumsnet is I can see scenarios where an op comes on for a rant and before they know it it has escalated to a point that they are seeing problems in their relationship that rant there, much like reading a medical encyclopaedia and developing symptoms.
I'd hate to think of a young or unsure op taking some of the advice on here.

He doesn't mind me sleeping upstairs but if he asked me too I'd sleep downstairs

I think that's the crux of it. In a nice, respectful, equal relationship there will be certain things that are 'non-negotiable'. Things that one partner would rather the other didn't do. Equal, respectful, loving partners do (or don't do) those things because it makes their partner happy (or unhappy). For eg, DH knows the smell of him shelling prawns makes me boak, so he does it in the garden. I know that DH can't cope with cleaning the loo so I do it.

I'd bet my last £5 that there are things that OP doesn't do because he doesn't like it. But last night he didn't care.