Drunk DP sleeping in the bed

[Janefromdowntheroad]

Do you ask your DP to stay downstairs when he comes in drunk? Do you sleep downstairs?

Every bloody time DP comes in he tries to come upstairs even after I asked told him not too.

I hate the smell of stale alcohol on the sheets, DD is still co-sleeping at 13 months (we do have a super king and she's on my side so not really an issue)

He comes in last night at 1am and I can hear him creeping upstairs. Stumbles over the doorstep and starts getting unchanged. I told him to go downstairs. He starts moaning its cold down there and he's going straight to sleep. DD wakes up . I manage to fall back asleep and then he's moving around in the bed because he can't get comfortable. I told him to fuck off downstairs. He starts telling me about his night because he's pissed and isn't listening. I told him to shut up and go to sleep. Twenty minutes later I wake up to him throwing up out of the window . Woke up properly this time and told him to go back downstairs and that he isn't sleeping up there with us if he's that pissed that he's being sick. He ends up ranting about 'not being able to sleep in his own his in his own house', 'work all week and can't even sleep in his own bed'. Basically just being a twat because he's drunk.

This happens every bloody time he goes out. I don't think its unreasonable to expect him to stay downstairs when he's pissed.

AIBU?

Staggering around drunk, vomiting out of the window.....it all sounds grim.

Yanbu at all.

if someone wants to act like a complete idiot and get so drunk they are puking they can fucking well sleep downstairs.

don't care who's house it is. waking your partner and baby to prove a point makes you a first class twat.

as far as I see it, if you have chosen to get drunk knowing full well it means your on the sofa then that's the choice you have made.

maybe next time drink less

My XDP came home totally pissed once and tried to get into bed with me and co sleeping DD. I say 'tried', what I really mean is staggered around banging doors, falling over, breaking things and generally being an arse. I rang him a taxi to his dad's house and made him sleep there!

Nice Jon, stop with the personal insults.

I don't think dave is being a dick either.

Blimey. YANBU at all OP! Cannot believe some of the views here.

Now it feels like Sunday morning, radio 2, pot of tea and a mN bun fight!
Op you've made my day

Misrepresenting what I said and arguing against a strawman are indicators of either a personal agenda or poor reading comprehension. It's also bad debating etiquette and rude.

YANBU

I can't even believe some of the replies here Look like some were drunk themselves maybe ;)

I don't sleep with DH anyway but if I did and he was drunk and I was also co-sleeping he wouldn't be coming into our bed. I would also tell him to fuck off downstairs if he woke up our child and behaved that way and I would also tell him to shut up if he kept trying to talk to me while I was trying to sleep with our child.

Personal insults are also rude, I've already said that it was a misunderstanding but you still insulted me.

How is getting drunk once in 4 months, acting unreasonably because he's drunk, as I'm sure those of us (myself included) who aren't angels have had a drink have done in the past count as emotionally abusive??

While I would never discount emotional abuse of ANY form, emotional abuse this is not.

I'm at a loss to understand the tendency of some people to blow things out of proportion.

And no, Dave, you're not being a dick, nor are you thick.

If my (non-existent) DP told me to fuck off and shut up because I'd come in a bit drunk, I would be bloody fuming angry that's a horrendous way to treat someone, drunk or not.

Horrendous. What an over-reaction. Telling someone who is drunk and waking up a child to fuck off downstairs and to shut up is not horrendous treatment at all.

If I said that to my husband his feelings wouldn't be hurt. In fact, the next morning he would understand and agree that he acted like a twat. He wouldn't be fuming at me, but himself.

Obviously YANBU. I can only presume that the people who disagree are as drunk as your DP was. NICE guidance is crystal clear that you shouldn't cosleep on the sofa or in bed with a drunk person. The safety of the baby outweighs every single other factor here. There can't be two opinions on that. I know she's 13 months, so the risk of SIDS is near enough zero, but it's still not safe and as such shouldn't even be contemplated. And it's all very well talking about popping her in her cot, as one poster did, but plenty of cosleeping babies don't even have them. Those that do, but for whatever reason don't sleep in them, are not necessarily going to respond well to being placed in there awake in the middle of the night!

He's gone to bed. Apparently he didn't want to watch peppa at 7am wink

Well, lucky him for having the choice. And some posters thought he'd be all contrite this morning - falling over himself to make amends. Why should he? He acts like a revolting, obnoxious brat and OP is expected to pander to him - and many of the posters here seem to think that's perfectly fine.

I never fail to be astonished at the shit some women endure to have a man in the house - honestly, the much-maligned 50s weren't like this!

Some of you are living with immature boys - how is that attractive? All this "it's only a few times a year", "he deserves a night out", "it's his bed, too - put the baby in the cot"...why on earth do women put up with it?

Some of these posters are on a different planet. 'Both as bad as each other' op wasn't in the wrong at all?! If her OH wants to go out and get pissed as a fart then face the consequences like not sleeping in a comfy bed. Why should she go downstairs and co-sleep (un safely) on a sofa with a baby?

I don't think the OP is mad he goes out every 4 months it's the being a dick when he comes home bit that she rightly so has a problem with.

Also I would have said far worse that 'fuck off' In this instance.

Getting drunk once every four months is not fundamentally U. But disturbing the night of your partner and baby like the OP describes IS bloody well U.

Thestarryeyed well said.

I'd make him lick up the vomit.

It's happened to me, heavily pregnant, asleep, wake up to crash downstairs to find DH naked and vomiting into kitchen sink. His reasoning on being naked was he didn't want to wake me up getting changed. Asked him had he not forgotten he was to sleep in spare room? He got a lot more than a fuck off I can tell you!

We laugh about it now but at the time I would have preferred if he had slept in the car - see other thread re DH sleeping drunk in car!

Lot of pissed husbands out there last night then.....was it a full moon?

I don't think you ABU but I wouldn't try discussing anything with him until he's over his hangover. Then I think maybe agree that in future a pillow and covers( and a bucket) will be left out for his use should he come in worse for wear.

OP what a mare
And now you've got some surreal responses
I'm actually wondering if there's some kind of competition for stupid replies running this morning

Of course you're not supposed to sleep downstairs with your baby. Id say the same if there was no baby.

Get a lock for your bedroom door, and next time he goes out, put a pillow and nice warm duvet on the sofa for him. Don't want the poor little lamb getting cold now do we? Make it very clear before he goes that you'll be locking the bedroom door and he's to hit the coach when he gets home. I actually can't believe a few of the comments you've got, wtf?

Babyboomer, you're right it's not the 50s. Which is why I stayed in bed yesterday whilst DP got up and watched peppa. Then took DS to his football tournament, DD to the zoo, did the food shopping and cooked dinner before he went out last night. His lie in today. If he wants to spend it hungover in bed that's up to him. He works his arse off all week climbing trees with chainsaws hanging off his belt. He can go out for a night if he wants. I don't object to that bit.

Janefromdowntheroad that is far too polite and balanced an argument! Please try harder

Goddamn