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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not on to shout abuse out the window at people!?

268 replies

Sprinklesontop · 12/05/2016 13:22

I was walking into town yesterday when a white van drove past me and a man shouted fatty out the window at me Angry

I'm absolutely mortified and so glad that I was on my own I would have died if there was anyone with me!

I am rather fat at the moment, I had twins less than a year ago and I'm struggling to find time to exercise but surely even if I was 25 stone or something it doesn't give someone the right to embarrass me like that.

Don't know why I'm posting really but I can't tell anyone in real life and it's really bothering me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 18:48

Maybe I should have said unremarkable instead of not comment worthy but nowhere did I say that past a certain weight it's fine to be judged and abused.

OP posts:
ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 13/05/2016 19:04

A friend of mine who is plus size got shouted at by two men on a bus that she was so ugly they wouldn't even rape her.

Original poster
Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 19:08

That is vile abc. These stories are making me so angry.

OP posts:
MrsKCastle · 13/05/2016 19:10

I agree Rupert. I really worry for my DDs. They're only little but they will have to face so much shite, so many judgemental twats. It's the sheer arrogance that gets me, the fact that they feel they have the right to insult other people for entertainment.

I have these kinds of stories, too, as do all of my female friends. I've had strange men masturbate in front of me, grope me in public, shout abuse, sneer. But I've always counted myself lucky that I've never had to face real violence or sexual harassment. WTF is society coming to?

ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 13/05/2016 19:22

I know, sprinkle. It's just so disheartening. And so many men think it's just 'having a laugh' or we 'should be flattered' and if we object, we're 'joyless PC feminazis'.

NorthernChinchilla · 13/05/2016 19:23

Yep, I consider myself 'unusual' in that all I've ever had is comments yelled at me. However, one was a leer when I was visibily pregnant, and I've had comments shouted about my 'tits' twice in the past fortnight. When I have been pushing my tiny baby in her pram.

Yep, these are my breasts, I'm using them to feed my child.

All from men whizzing past in vans, and all clearly afflicted with micropenis.

PirateSmile · 13/05/2016 21:49

Did anybody tweet that wanker Rudi?

StrangeLookingParasite · 13/05/2016 22:18

She said since she's been living in Oz not one person has said anything to her.

Wait a while.I grew up in Australia, and had plenty of instances of arseholes shounting rude shit at me when I was on the bike (I usedto cycle everywhere).
eg, 'Go on a diet' from two yuppie arseholes in a convertible. People like that are the reason I will never own a gun - they make me so angry the red mist descends, and I'd fucking shoot them.

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 13/05/2016 22:36

Yeah there are twats all over the world. Maybe I've soaked up her allocation for a while? :o

CrudiRudi probably has google alerts set up on his name. He's probably writing material now and waiting to tear into a mumsnetty gig. Can we set up a webchat? I want to ask him if a fattie spurned his advances.

Mislou · 13/05/2016 22:45

I'd forgotten about how this used to happen to me in the UK. Since living in Nz for 10 years I've never had it once.Reading these posts I remember how angry it made me feel getting yelled at from cars.Its a kind of frustration as you can't defend yourself as they've driven away. It ruins your day.I've lived in another couple of countries and not experienced it. Is is peculiar to the UK ?Or England?

Wagglebees · 14/05/2016 01:38

MrsK Yes to everything you said. I had a guy wave his dick 3 inches away from my face and then his mate threatened to rape me and blocked the door out of the room. Whilst my housemate, his girlfriend, sat laughing nervously on the sofa. But it's ok, he was only joking, having a laugh, I just can't take a joke. Hmm Nothing ever said about it again and I just felt lucky it didn't 'get serious'. Ffs.

Live and learn. I'd react so differently now.

leelu66 · 14/05/2016 07:34

I got called a cunt for crossing the road. I'll never forget the venom in his voice.

Wheresthattomoibabber · 14/05/2016 08:08

DD got wolf whistled at from behind on her way home from school. I am proud to report that she gave them a scathing look and said "I'm 10 you disgusting idiots". Her best and most often used put down is "I think I would prefer it if you went away now".

Wheresthattomoibabber · 14/05/2016 08:12

I've also just remembered that someone came right up to me and laughed in my face, saying "look at your disgusting fat stomach and disgusting fat tits". It was 7.30am and I was five months pregnant. Someone else who worked in the same building was walking past and ignored my request for help. I got to work and burst into tears only to be told it was obviously just a joke and I shouldn't take things so seriously. And yes, Leelu66 - the venom in his voice was possibly the most upsetting thing.

Pagwatch · 14/05/2016 08:14

It's not just aimed at women. My DH and my son get abuse shouted at them all the time when they are out together.
Ds2 is 19 and gets things like 'fucking retard/spaz/weirdo shouted at him. If he's out with my DH that drives the arseholes into a frenzy of 'fucking queers/benders/gay'

Once DS2s bus was shouted at just outside my house. The bloke shouting then got stuck in the queue for the traffic lights right next to us. Ds2s bus driver was built like a brick shithouse and got out to 'have a word' with the miserable little tosser. It was hilarious. This sad sack of shit who had been so brave yelling stuff out of his window had to sit there wetting himself until the lights changed.
Some days are good days Grin

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 14/05/2016 08:14

Another time out running and I was having a walking break when a bloke in a van beeped then shook his head at me like I was doing something wrong. Maybe he didn't approve of me walking in running gear Confused Just weird and uncalled for.

Being groped in nightclubs in my youth was a common occurance because I had a "nice arse" Angry

leelu66 · 14/05/2016 08:18

wheresthat how awful. I have found that other people don't want to get involved.

I was once verbally abused by five 18yos on a bus and others gawped but said nothing.

Now I always try to see if I can help someone in a similar situation.

Marzipants · 14/05/2016 08:20

When I was about 13 a car drove past and shouted "what are you laughing at you ugly bitch."

Now I know that the sort of person who drives past a laughing child in her school uniform and hollers abuse is clearly a twat of the highest order, for a long time (years) I felt I was utterly repellent.

Makes me so cross I wasted so many years hating the way I looked.

HighDataUsage · 14/05/2016 08:21

There is a SEN school not far from me and the kids travel in by unmarked vans because previously they've been verbally & physically attacked. It's so heartbreaking that young children have to learn from an early age to keep a low profile. The people who do this are nasty bastards.

PirateSmile · 14/05/2016 08:22

It does happen to men. DP us disabled and has had 'cripple' shouted at him in the past.

Ledkr · 14/05/2016 08:41

Someone said "fatty" to me in a carpark a week ago. He'd asked my friend to turn off her engine as she was waiting outside in a carpark for her dd to get into the car.
I asked him if he'd have approached us if we were men and he went mental and as he walked off said "fatty"
Now I an renowned for my assertiveness but I was speechless.
I'm not even that bloody big fgs.
I was so upset I went straight to bed and cried myself to sleep.
I didn't eat for a few days and had awful anxiety.
Even my normally send centred teen dd was upset by it.
My 5 year old knew I wasn't myself.
My work suffered.
I was nasty to my lovely DH because I felt he must hate having a wife so hideous that she was called nanes by strangers.

And then I had a word with myself.
I decided that this mysoginistic twat would not have that effect on me.
I'm annoyed that he took away any of my thoughts or happiness.

I have a feeling I will see him again.
I'm looking forward to it Grin

Frostycake · 14/05/2016 09:19

In my experience, this is caused by the abuser being incredibly unhappy with their lit. It makes them feel better to put someone else down.

Ive had this happen to me ('get yer tits out' 'I'll give you £200 quid for a shag' etc) but Ive also heard other men and women say its happened to them for any number of reasons ('fatty' 'baldy' 'skinny' 'beanpole' 'ugly' 'ginger minger' etc.) Some people are abusive cowardly cunts.

ricketytickety · 14/05/2016 09:46

They are abusers taking advantage of a situation where they can get away with it because:

  1. you appear vulnerable to them eg female, child, sen, disabled
  2. they have the element of surprise so you aren't ready for it
  3. they are in a gang
  4. they are in a van

All these things make them feel powerful and able to be more abusive.

Best responses: attack back. Go right up to them and give them shit.
Likely response: feel assaulted, hurt, shocked, traumatised, vulnerable, belittled, worthless.

But the reality is there is nothing 'wrong' with the victim - everything wrong with the abusive people doing it. Probably people on the antiscocial personality spectrum. My ex was abusive. He told me a pretty girl was dancing in a club, he went up to her and said 'you think you're pretty, but you're an ugly bitch' just to put her down. He enjoyed taking her down a peg or two. Just like he did me for years. He is now a sad lonely drunk.

ricketytickety · 14/05/2016 09:49

'pretty girl' his terminology, not mine.

BeverlyGoldberg · 14/05/2016 09:51

PirateSmile I went one better and rang him! (His number is on his website, as desperate as he is). He was everything I expected and I wished I'd don't it years ago! The guys's a muppet.

I pointed him to the thread and he asked me how to spell "mum". No apology, he said the only important thing was his intention which was comedy, said he was glad people laughed at me.

A message to you Rudi. I'm so glad I'm me and not you, the joke's on you and your shit career!

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