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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not on to shout abuse out the window at people!?

268 replies

Sprinklesontop · 12/05/2016 13:22

I was walking into town yesterday when a white van drove past me and a man shouted fatty out the window at me Angry

I'm absolutely mortified and so glad that I was on my own I would have died if there was anyone with me!

I am rather fat at the moment, I had twins less than a year ago and I'm struggling to find time to exercise but surely even if I was 25 stone or something it doesn't give someone the right to embarrass me like that.

Don't know why I'm posting really but I can't tell anyone in real life and it's really bothering me.

OP posts:
IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 13/05/2016 12:12

This is such a sad thread

For me, as a teenager, I was thin but with big boobs. At 15 a grown man cupped them and told me not to worry, all men love "big tits" and that he'd be happy to shag me. I was terrified and embarrassed and just sort of wandered off. My friends thought it was a compliment and I felt weird for feeing so sad about it Hmm

As an adult, I am overweight. On a recent night out, I had one man walk up, look down my top and tell me "your tits are huge. My mate like fat girls." I lost my temper and shouted "oh really. You don't even fucking know me so fuck right off. And take your fat mate with you" and I absolutely did not accidentally spill my drink on them when passing 10 minutes later
On the same night out, when I was walking to meet DH to come home, a teenager sort of muttered 'fatty' as I walked passed. I stopped, faced him and just asked "you know I'm an actual person don't you? That I just heard you call me fatty? I didn't walk passed you and call you dickhead did I?" The girl next to him then started telling him off.

I have no confidence in how I look anyway and that was my first big night out in about 2 years. I don't want to go again Sad

On the subject of changing it, we can do that by making sure sons know it's not acceptable and daughters know they don't have to accept it.
My nephew (who is 5) recently commented in town "mummy, why did she (random passerby) let herself get fat?" All said with a wrinkled up that's horrible face. Dsis sat him down sharpish and had a talk about being hurtful and thinking about people's feelings before saying things.

Cheby · 13/05/2016 12:23

Sprinklesontop I'm sorry this happened to you, and everyone else here.

I just wanted to pick up on this though:

To out it into context I'm a size 16 so a bit on the fat side at the moment but I didn't think I'm big enough to be comment worthy.

I feel like this attitude is really unhelpful. At what weight do you think someone is big enough to be shouted at in the street?

BeverlyGoldberg · 13/05/2016 12:28

I think Rudi is a great collective noun for these people.

Feel free to tweet him the thread, I just don't want him to come over all Rudi and start being Rudi to people.

I love that 'Hey Rudi. You mess with one Mumsnetter, you mess you us all. If you don't believe me, ask Ronan Keating...'

I want to know what Ronan did!

systemdone · 13/05/2016 12:30

My daughter has had this regularly. She's now 13 but she was 6 the first time it happened. Often business vans with the name displayed. She has sen and finds it terrifying. She wouldn't walk to school for a while. She has even had bottles thrown at her Angry

When she was six she was slightly infront of me wearing a football shirt. A van pulled at the side of her and shouted loads of abuse. I went apeshit at the company who did apologise.

Age 8 on three occassions someone pulled up at the side of her and screamed.

Age 10 someone threw a glass bottle at her.

Since starting secondary she has had grown men shout sexual stuff, call her a peado and scream at her.

It is something that REALLY pisses me off

ClopySow · 13/05/2016 12:36

I feel like this attitude is really unhelpful. At what weight do you think someone is big enough to be shouted at in the street?

That's not the point she's trying to make. The point is that women are having fattist abuse hurled at them at a very average size, in fact from this thread, very thin women are being fat shamed. It's nothing to do with weight, it's to do with finding a way to make any woman any size feel publicly humiliated and ashamed and objectified. It's about reminding us where our place is.

And there is no doubt in my mind that these fucking idiots do the same thing to other men. Remember the thing that went viral about the man who was shamed for his weight when he was dancing?

Rudi.
Rudimentary - relating to an immature, undeveloped or basic form.
Fitting dontcha think?

Bunch of fucking Rudis.

BeverlyGoldberg · 13/05/2016 13:03

It's not just fat people, its about control and the absolute right to voice your insult with no regard for the consequences of how it may affect someone.

Rudi by name and nature.

"Mummy, someone just called me fat"
"Ignore them, they're just a sad little Rudi, they know no better"

PirateSmile · 13/05/2016 13:28

Thanks for link Fran

MummyBex1985 · 13/05/2016 14:40

Scum balls. What exactly did they hope to accomplish?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/05/2016 14:45

It's not just fat people, its about control

True, however there is a pervasive bad attitude to obese people everywhere. You just have to look at a thread on here about the subject to read loads of pejorative language like "rolls of flab" "stuffing faces" and "just eat a bit less".

LadyAntonella · 13/05/2016 14:49

Today I looked particularly well (if I do say so myself) and I caught a cunt on a bike checking me out (I think - arrogant? Moi)? I glanced up and he pulled an ugh face as if I was repellent. Some men people are spiteful arseholes towards women.

The only time someone abused me from a car window and I was fine with it was when someone drove past and yelled "scrubbers" in a perfect Richard E Grant as Withnail voice. It was so funny I laughed and laughed. It turned out it was someone I knew as well who knew I loved the film.

Original poster
Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 14:57

cheby I didn't say it's acceptable at any size or weight did I so please don't insinuate that I think it's acceptable. I said I don't think I'm big enough to be comment worthy not that I'm not big enough to be shamed or shouted out the window at.

OP posts:
SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 13/05/2016 15:31

Sprinkles I'm a size 26 and even I don't think I'm comment worthy. :o I know what you mean. Just fuck off and leave me be losers. I'm fucking brilliant.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 13/05/2016 15:49

I had a bunch of lads do that weird "waaaaaarrrgh" scream at me out of the car window while I was running. Not sure what came over me but I instantly did it right back at them. Almost strained my throat I did it so loud Grin

DailyMaui · 13/05/2016 16:10

Well. My (just) 13 year old son told me that last week an adult male called him and his friend "cunts" as they walked past.

He's only told me because I was talking to him about this thread and making sure he didn't think it was acceptable to shout at people in the street. Only for him to admit it has happened to him and left him feeling really shaken.

ClopySow · 13/05/2016 18:09

I just got it from some pissed up friend of my neighbour. As i walked through the door past him, he made a gun with his fingers and "shot" me in the back of the head and sneered at me. My neighbour approached with another friend who was even more pissed, stood far too close and asked me questions i couldn't make out. My neighbour started chatting, he's always nice. The guy who shot me was all of a sudden super nice. All this in a tiny corridor as i tried to get my door unlocked. Do guys not realise 4 men in a small space all in your face is really fucking intimidating for a woman?

Cheby · 13/05/2016 18:13

But who is big enough to be comment worthy then? I still think that statement is inherently judgemental.

LadyAntonella · 13/05/2016 18:20

They either don't realise that's very intimidating clopy or they do and think it's hilarious. I remember being on a tire swing at the park when I was about 11 and being circled by a large group of boys who proceeded to push my friend and me so high we got scared. My friend jumped off but I couldn't and they just kept going till they got bored. It's culturally ingrained in some people I'm afraid. These boys were only children themselves and they thought it was really funny to pick on two young girls and scare them.

PrivatePike · 13/05/2016 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 18:30

I never said being comment worthy makes it ok. There's a documentary on tv most weeks about britains biggest person etc so obviously to some people it is comment worthy. Still doesn't give anyone a right to abuse them for it.

OP posts:
ClopySow · 13/05/2016 18:32

Nothing is comment worthy.

I think the point she was trying to make is that she's being shouted at for something that doesn't factually apply to her.

But i also totally get what you're saying cheby. Nobody deserves any kind of abuse about anything. Fat shaming is pretty ingrained. In fact, forget that, any kind of body shaming is prolific, but as a society, we seem to reserve a special kind of hatred for people who are overweight.

I remember walking along the street with my two sons, aged around 12 and 11 at that point. A man shouted "fat bitch" at me. I hadn't heard it, but my two boys did and were really upset by it. I was more angry about him upsetting my kids than me. About an hour later, we bumped into a guy i'd met once in a pub a couple of years previously. We had a quick chat, then he turned to my kids and said "look after your mum lads, shes a lovely woman". That put the balance of the universe right for us Smile

Original poster
Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 18:33

Oh and before another of my posts gets twisted I don't agree with those types of documentary either!

OP posts:
BlackbirdSingsInTheDeadOfNight · 13/05/2016 18:42

I was out walking our puppy the other day and a car came past, windows down, with two blokes in the front shouting "THERE'S A FAT ARSE THERE!" I assume they meant mine rather than pup's.....

Told DH when we got home. What he said was so true: "people like that are such twats that they'll wind the window down and shout anything at you, whatever you look like".

I'm typing this sitting in the gym car park. Off to a gym class now, not for the twats in their boy racer or for DH or for anyone but me. If I'm reasonably fit and healthy then I don't really care that much if I have a large arse!

TaraCarter · 13/05/2016 18:46

I think I know what the OP means. It's rude to comment on other people, but if I walked through the town centre at 2.30 in a wedding dress, complete with veil, I'd at least understand why people were commenting on my clothes choices, even if I knew they should have the manners to be silent.

If I walked through the centre in jeans and a top and people commented, not only would they be rude, I'd be bloody confused that they were being rude about me wearing jeans and a top!

RupertPupkin · 13/05/2016 18:47

These are actually making my blood boil. I wager there are few women who don't have stories like this. Angry

I feel so frustrated that my daughters and all young girls have this to look forward to. Fuck these men for forcing me to have to teach my daughters how to deal with unsolicited sexual comments.

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