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Original poster

To think it's not on to shout abuse out the window at people!?

268 replies

Sprinklesontop · 12/05/2016 13:22

I was walking into town yesterday when a white van drove past me and a man shouted fatty out the window at me Angry

I'm absolutely mortified and so glad that I was on my own I would have died if there was anyone with me!

I am rather fat at the moment, I had twins less than a year ago and I'm struggling to find time to exercise but surely even if I was 25 stone or something it doesn't give someone the right to embarrass me like that.

Don't know why I'm posting really but I can't tell anyone in real life and it's really bothering me.

OP posts:
hollinhurst84 · 14/05/2016 16:39

I got groped in a club once and all his mates were laughing at him doing it. Had enough so I turned round and grabbed his balls and went "is that ok?" He gave me "oi no get off" and apologised
Another guy in a bar (different night) groped me three times. On the second I said if he did it again i was putting my drink over his head. Third time he got a full pint over him and door staff kicked him out

FledglingFridge · 14/05/2016 16:39

You think it's bad now, when we can't walk down the road without comment on our bodies. Wait till these groups of lads can self identify their way into women's changing rooms and bathrooms.

We're in for world of hate then. Most trans people just want to pee, but with the proposed changes in law from Maria Miller et al, we'll have nowhere that's safe. See what they do on a main road? Imagine what they'd do in an enclosed space.

Frostycake · 14/05/2016 16:44

< bows to plominoagain > utterly brilliant.

I remember being 12 when I had my first catcall. I was playing in the street with two girlfriends and he pulled up alongside me and said I was beautiful and he'd like to take my knickers off. Sad I had no idea what to say. This continued until i got to 30 then it stopped almost overnight (apart from when i was in Italy).

I think it's men asserting their dominance and trying to belittle young woman. I think they love us and hate us at the same time if that makes sense.

Having said that though, my dad used to cycle and walk a lot and he got awful abuse from passing men in vehicles. It's sport - like bear bating.

BananaThePoet · 14/05/2016 17:33

FledglingFridge - I really don't think it is fair to discriminate against transgender people and stop young females who were assigned male at birth from using female designated loos by saying groups of lads will self-identify as female to go into ladies loos.
For the simple reason most if not all this disgusting behaviour is not premeditated it is spontaneous. It would take a lot of effort to dress as females and then use a ladies loo simply for the purpose of harrassing women and even if they did go to all that trouble it would not be much good for them as most ladies loos have multiple females in them. Thes bullies like ganging up on lone women and they like to pretend it is all 'banter' if they deliberately dressed as women to go into women's loos they wouldn't be able to use that excuse.
In fact it is all the more important that young girls who were assigned male at birth should have the safety of being able to go into ladies loos because look how unsafe it is for them to use men's loos.

FledglingFridge · 14/05/2016 17:39

It would take a lot of effort to dress as females

Changes mean you wouldn't have to do that. Identity is the key, not dress, not surgery, not a cert. How someone identifies is everything.

Transwomen have been using women's facilities for years.

should have the safety of being able to go into ladies loos because look how unsafe it is for them to use men's loos.

You don't solve male violence by allowing men in with women.

FledglingFridge · 14/05/2016 17:49

Transwomen should also be baying for blood about these proposed changes. Women are not known for violence, most tend to have no issue with transwomen peeing with them. Transwomen now also lose their safe space which was previously free from men like those on these thread. Who will take any opportunity to humiliate a woman or someone seen as weaker than they.

Maybe try checking what the new proposed changes are before donning a social justice warrior cape and misrepresenting proposals which will be damaging to women and transwomen.

dobby2001 · 14/05/2016 18:52

www.ihollaback.org/take-action/ These folk are trying to raise awareness of catcalling and street abuse, and need your stories and support. Its international and there are many branches in the UK

Flumpsnlumpsnstuff · 14/05/2016 19:33

My DD1 is 12 she very curvy already. Has stayed in all day in a baggy jumper and leggings as yesterday she was out on the high street where we live and 2 cars shouted vulgar things at her. 1 actually pulled in and 2 "older boys" I'm guessing late teens, offered her a "quickie" she was beyond tears I have reported it but the police aren't hopeful. Makes me sick she may look older but even at 35 I'd be struggling to deal with such acts Angry

AskBasil · 14/05/2016 19:58

"should have the safety of being able to go into ladies loos because look how unsafe it is for them to use men's loos."

Why should their safety be at the expense of women?

Why should women clean up after men's violence?

Men, sort your house out. Stop being violent to men who don't conform to what you believe masculinity should be about.

AskBasil · 14/05/2016 19:59

It's almost always from cars these random yells in the streets are done, because they know you can't chase after them and lamp them.

Jellyboobs · 14/05/2016 20:29

Awful shyster! And a wimp as he's driving while he tells it. Utter pricks.
I've had my bum whacked while cycling by some douche in his car, and been egged by some other utter twatbag in his car.

Stresssed1968 · 14/05/2016 21:33

This is such sad reading - bloody horrible. I shared an office with someone a few years ago, aged 18, who came into the office in tears because a man had rubbed up against her and 'poured' something onto her coat - he came on her - on a packed tube in the rush hour. WTF?

Jukebox20 · 14/05/2016 21:56

Combine I would kick their door mirror off I'm not below it either Grin

KatieCelf · 14/05/2016 22:02

That's horrible. Hope you're ok. Sending you hugs X

pickacard · 15/05/2016 03:37

Really sorry so many have experienced this. Another one here who knows how it feels.

Was walking down Jermyn St in central London when a drunk man slumped on the pavement looked up and pretty much spat: "Fat legs!" at me. Was wearing a knee-length dress and thick black tights, not really anything to see.

Last Sept was walking through Richmond (SW London) and just as I came out of a shop heard shouting as if someone was having an emergency. Looked up to find a white van with three guys in it, the one in the passenger seat had half his body out of the window with his fingers down his throat while he made loud retching noises. When I realised what was happening I stared him out (as much as anyone can while a van is disappearing around a corner), refused to drop my gaze and made sure to show no reaction. He was about 19, I am old enough to be his mother. His reaction was so realistically repulsed that I went straight to the nearest loo to make sure I didn't have blood or poo running down the back of my legs or something - I couldn't work out what was so offensive about a bog-standard woman in bog-standard clothes walking down the street. I wish I'd thought to get the details off their van - they were from a roofing company and, if I hadn't been so taken aback by it, I would have got that company's name and plastered it all over here!

These type of people might as well be crocodiles for all I understand of them. Pls don't think it's got anything to do with you personally, OP, or anyone else it has happened to.

GarthNader · 15/05/2016 10:22

There's nothing wrong with you. Sitting abuse at a random person is just being a prick. It had nothing to do with you. He was probably trying to entertain himself and/or those he was with and you are just collateral. He'd have done it to the first person he saw with something he could pick up on.
It says do much more about him than you.
I guess there is a tiny possibility that he thought you were someone he knew and disliked but again that makes this nothing to do with you.
Just consider him a childish prick, ignore him and very on with your own life.

feckitt · 15/05/2016 11:29

When I was a schoolgirl I had very long, very red hair. It was almost a daily occurence for me to be shouted at by a Rudi in a van/lorry. As I got older and more confident I used to blow them a kiss. They didn't expect that.

needfemaleadvice · 15/05/2016 12:06

When I was 14 I had visited my home country Sri Lanka. I was walking on the street with my aunt at the time and some men catcalled us saying something in the native tongue whilst on a motorbike. My aunt without thinking threw a rock at them. They stopped there and started calling her vulgar things threatening her. She stood there legs wide fist made and told them if they ever catcalled another 14 year old /girl-child or any women she would make sure they would be burnt alive. When they tried to grab her she kicked one in the balls and jabbed another in the eyes and then kicked him where it hurts as well. That evening their father and mother had turned up at our doorstep and forced their two sons (21,22 yrs old) to beg for mine and my aunts forgiveness. Let's just say everytime I go back, I always send pair of chocolates to the parents.

It doesn't matter what country/ethnicity/ how rich they are/ if parents know how to raise their sons then that makes all the difference : between a gentlemen or a street rat.

needfemaleadvice · 15/05/2016 12:10

I wanted to share my experience because so many of us carry on without the men knowing any consequences. Although If it was India this happened to me in- let's just say it would be different story but I'm proud to be from Sri Lanka because my parents did not raise me any differently to how my aunts/uncles raised their sons.

My aunt who was in her early 20s then has two teenage boys now and let's just say if those two misbehaved like men in the story then she would teach a lesson.

StrangeLookingParasite · 15/05/2016 12:16

Your aunt is awesome, needfemaleadvice.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 15/05/2016 13:42

I am now disabled and I observe that the cat calls are conspicuous by their absence. Being in a mobility scooter makes me entirely non sexual and gender less. Which is sad. But I do get the random swearing, name calling and digs at my not- normal ness. So that makes up for it Hmm

There's so much wrong with that.

Flumpsnlumpsnstuff · 15/05/2016 13:47

I had to add this, as it literally happened today a group of women celebrating at the pub after completing race for life. The car in front of me had its windows down and a lad shouts " look at all the fat bloody lesbians " at the ladies. The traffic lights changed to red, two seconds later and the women and some men from the pub run out and surrounded the car. Bloody priceless Grin

Frostycake · 15/05/2016 14:42

Shock what happened flump?

Miscellaneous Flowers
Bastards

Skylander01 · 15/05/2016 15:34

My husband just came in laughing and told me how he hates humans and that all the idiots are out on the road today - loads of them shouting abuse out of windows - one of them was swearing at a lady for driving onto her own drive as she lives on a main road!

From my own experience, nothing I can say will make you feel better. but you certainly do not need excuses like having twins! My heart goes out to you. But....this is the perfect time to get on a diet if you want to. I keep trying to start slimming world, as I have a great excuse to be fat - I have a brain tumour and the medication that I have to take makes people put on weight but I'm stuck between being lovely and slim again or just enjoying life and eating whatever I want - whenever I want!

These are just low life and you know it!! Now get out there and enjoy life with all the rest of the human idiots - because I know I am!!

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 15/05/2016 16:08

This thread is so depressing in that it reflects the everyday lives of women everywhere of any shape and size.
It's so prominent that it's not shocking anymore and it bloody should be.

I got into a cab the other day and the driver, a man in his sixties, asked me if I'd just seen the woman that had walked past. I said no and he went on to complain about her choice of clothing because of her size. I didn't say anything, I should've but I didn't, I just looked at him, quite shocked, and he saw this and said 'Well not that you need to worry, I've seen more fat on a chip.' as if this were a compliment.

Why are we seen as only as valuable as our dress size???