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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think guests should use their own bathroom not the spare one on the landing!

202 replies

TigerPath · 07/05/2016 15:31

3-bed house, DH and I have a bedroom with ensuite upstairs next to DS' room. There's another bathroom on the landing which I use to bath DS or if DH is in ours. Downstairs is an ensuite guestroom.

We've had loads of guests since we moved (popular seaside location) and much as I love having them I like my own space! The whole point of a downstairs ensuite guestroom is they should never need to come upstairs! Angry Yet some of them come up to use the bathroom, which means I have to keep cleaning the bath and loo and I feel my space is being invaded.

Why can't they just use their own bathroom?? How do I tell them to use their own without seeming rude? It's a perfectly good bathroom with bath as well as shower, plenty of nice products, basket of spare toothbrushes, towels etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/05/2016 17:11

I suspect if the op had come on to moan about having to share her one bathroom with guests shed have been told if you want a bathroom only for yourfamily, buy a bigger house then you won't have to share..m

RiverTam · 09/05/2016 17:24

Bloody hell. You sound like you've got all the kit but none of the warmth for your guests. It's not that you should provide more than one bathroom, it's that you are banning guests from using one of your three bathrooms. And it has never ever occured to me that I should clean the bath after having guests, you sound like you have very skewed ideas about hygiene.

I don't care about having hotel-level facilities. I do care about feeling welcome. I doubt you'll see the current guests again any time soon.

TrashPanda · 09/05/2016 18:12

I think the comparison to only having one bathroom/toilet isn't quite straight forward. We've only got one family bathroom with the loo in it, before I go for a bath I always check if anyone needs the loo first.

At my parents' they have a family bathroom and a separate toilet, I don't check before I go for a bath as there is somewhere else to pee if needed.

It wouldn't occur to me to check in this scenario as there is another toilet that can be used. So very easy to end up with one using the ensuite and the other needing to go. I would not use any toilet while anyone was in the shower in the same room and wouldn't expect people to use it while I was showering.

Original poster
TigerPath · 09/05/2016 18:54

Not sure how a memory-foam mattress or toiletries can be indicative of social class? Or why it is try-hard to kit out a guestroom in a way that makes it comfortable for guests? I wasn't boasting, just making the point that I've thought about guests comfort, tried to ensure guests have a comfortable sleep, a bathroom that is equipped to suit their needs that they don't need to share with the rest of the house. Personally I hate sleeping in uncomfortable beds or rooms that are cold/cramped/lacking in pillows etc. And I loathe queuing for bathrooms or having to move other people's stuff to access the shower.

I am generally warm and welcoming as a host. I just like boundaries and that includes upstairs being family only.

Obviously if a guest came to me and asked for another bathroom because they were ill/desperate I would direct them upstairs. But emergencies aside, I find it odd that people wander upstairs uninvited, especially to use a bath that is full of toys and baby products!

OP posts:
Moonatic · 09/05/2016 19:04

I think Debretts is on your side, OP.

From "Rules for house guests":

"Unless specifically invited to do the contrary, don't make yourself too at home. So don't help yourself to food from the fridge, or alcohol, or turn on the television. Always ask your host first. Don't assume that you can use the washing machine, or run piping hot baths in the middle of the day. Check with your host first. "

www.debretts.com/british-etiquette/home-life/entertaining/house-guests/rules-guests#sthash.nD8eDrr9.dpuf

Ok, doesn't specifically mention the bathroom, but it does say not to make yourself too at home or assume you can use the household facilities.

Moonatic · 09/05/2016 19:06

.. although the Rules for Hosts state: "If guests have their own bathroom put towels there. A bath towel, a medium-sized towel for hair, a hand towel and a bathmat will be needed. If they are sharing a bathroom with other guests, leave the clean towels in the bedroom. It is not necessary to provide body lotion, as in a hotel, but there should be some untouched soap and possibly bath essence, shower gel and shampoo in the bathroom."

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 09/05/2016 22:02

'I'm shockangry at the poster who said she should have been allowed to use her host's ensuite because it was difficult to wash her long hair with a hand-held shower! I think when you're a guest you should be grateful with what you've got. I've stayed at friends houses with no shower, I just use a jug in the bath to wash my hair

Did you willfully miss the bit where I said the bathroom was CARPETED and it was extremely difficult not to get it wet?! It's just madness, to me, to make a GUEST do this when there's a functioning shower in the room next door. Mad and certainly unwelcoming.

Your friends had no shower - totally different scenario.

I've showered in a back garden with a hose at a friends house - thankfully it was in Greece and a bit warmer!

I'm no special snow flake, I far prefer camping to glitzy hotels.

coconutpie · 09/05/2016 22:30

Jees, some of the responses on here are very "I'm entitled to do what I want when I'm a guest". If you have been invited to stay in somebody's house and they have provided you with fantastic facilities of a bedroom with ensuite, then use the bloody facilities given for your sole use! It's even more obvious when the guest facilities are all downstairs - it's really fucking rude to go upstairs when you have no right to do so. It's the OP's house, she can decide who uses the bathroom upstairs. If guests don't like it, they can go pay to stay in a hotel for the night.

And I'm really grossed out at those who would bathe their baby in a bath used by somebody else without cleaning it, that's just disgusting.

blinkowl · 10/05/2016 07:26

" it's really fucking rude to go upstairs when you have no right to do so. "

Wow we live on different planets we really do! If my en suite was next to the living room (as in the OP) and my guests felt more comfortable going upstairs then I would be pleased I was able to offer them facilities to do so.

"If guests don't like it, they can go pay to stay in a hotel for the night"

I think you have missed the point of having guests! You are not giving away free accommodation, you are spending time with people who mean something to you

Are you familiar with the concept of friendship?

Oly5 · 10/05/2016 10:38

Agree with blinkowl.
Some people just don't like having guests clearly!
i love having guests and they can wee and poo in any of my three bathrooms. I can't imagine it ever bothering me.
And to tell anyone off is just plain rude

shepherdspie763 · 10/05/2016 12:20

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DeadGood · 10/05/2016 12:30

Shepherdspie - that was pretty vitriolic.

OP, YANBU. Seconding the advice to let people know from the outset. How did the rest of your guest's visit go?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 10/05/2016 12:41

Just a thought...

If X&Y are staying for a few days and have all their things in the well appointed guest bedroom and en-suite, what toilet should other friends visiting for the day use?

shepherdspie763 · 10/05/2016 12:52

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2rebecca · 10/05/2016 13:05

A quick rinse with cold water is all a bath should need before bathing a baby unless someone was really grubby when they used it. You're more likely to damage your baby's skin from using chemicals in the bath every time it's used than just rinsing it. OK the bath needs a proper clean once a week or so but my guests have no more weird germs than I do. When they were very small the kids were in a baby bath inside the main bath to stop them slithering about anyway. That just got rinsed out and was also used for hanging clothes on the line.

Schtumped · 10/05/2016 13:33

Does the guest ensuite have a bin?

Moonatic · 10/05/2016 13:33

It doesn't matter what the OP's reasons are for expecting her guests to use "their" bathroom; the point is that it is rude for her guests to use the other one without having been invited to do so.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 10/05/2016 13:38

Moonatic - that's where the problem lies.

Personally I wouldn't see a main bathroom, with door directly off the landing as their bathroom, I see it as the bathroom. Particularly because they have their own en-suite bathroom.

As someone who lives in a house with just one bathroom it has never occurred to me that there is anything wrong with using the bathroom.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/05/2016 13:45

Am quite startled that some posters think having guests means they should have the complete run of the house!

OP, YANBU.
What I would do though is, as someone else has suggested, take the lock OFF the bathroom upstairs, because it's the baby's bathroom and therefore has no need of a lock. That might deter some of them. I'd also not bother cleaning it prior to their arrival as it's not for their use; leave all the baby stuff in it.

And then I'd probably say to guests to let me know if there was anything missing in their ensuite bathroom, because you'd provide it straight away, they've no need to go looking elsewhere.

You'll still get some people who will want to go and stickybeak upstairs - but you don't have to let those ones come back again.

Oly5 · 10/05/2016 13:51

Who said anyone was being a sticky beak?
The last time I checked, the op's guest had used the main bathroom because her partner was in the shower in theirs.
Ie behaving normally!

Moonatic · 10/05/2016 14:02

"Moonatic - that's where the problem lies.

Personally I wouldn't see a main bathroom, with door directly off the landing as their bathroom, I see it as the bathroom. Particularly because they have their own en-suite bathroom.

As someone who lives in a house with just one bathroom it has never occurred to me that there is anything wrong with using the bathroom."

But in this situation, there is an en suite bathroom attached directly to the guest room. Going off to use a different bathroom when you haven't been invited to do so, and when it is clear that there is a bathroom for your own personal use, is intrusive and implies that the facilities on offer are somehow inadequate.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 10/05/2016 14:27

I'm with you OP - wandering around and helping yourself to any bog in the house is weird. When people come to visit (not stay) and they ignore the downstairs loo to go into the family bathroom I'm bemused.

I'm not as good a housekeeper as you and if someone is coming round for the evening I don't feel the need to clean the upstairs bathroom when all they can possibly need to use is the loo. It's well away from the sitting room so no privacy issues.

Someone working on the boiler, not even a visitor, actually went into the en-suite and used that and didn't even flush.

It's really annoying as then I have to do extra cleaning outside of my routine.

Fiona80 · 10/05/2016 16:35

I don't see why anyone would go upstairs when they have their own bathroom. ESP past a stairgate. I have privacy issues too so it would bug me.

You seem to be providing more than enough for your guests.

We have 2 bathrooms, one downstairs and one up, and there are bedrooms on both floors, if I have someone visiting it bugs me if they go upstairs as it is my bathroom, but no one really does except DH brother. I have all sorts of stuff n think its our private space, like why would you go upstairs when there is a bathroom downstairs. And I certainly wouldn't use someone's ensuite, how rude.

newtscamander · 10/05/2016 16:38

You sound batshit, OP.

HazelBite · 10/05/2016 17:07

We are always having guests and many of them are random friends of the adult Dc's but they are always told (and this is not my rule) Use the shower room not the bathroom as it is Hazels bathroom. The bathroom is not ensuite but it is next door to my bedroom down one end of the house.
It would feel like an intrusion into my privacy if someone was wandering about down that end of the house. The guestroom and the shower room are very close so geographically it makes no sense to go wandering off for the bathroom.
I do not think the OP is in any way unreasonable

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