To think guests should use their own bathroom not the spare one on the landing!

[TigerPath]

3-bed house, DH and I have a bedroom with ensuite upstairs next to DS' room. There's another bathroom on the landing which I use to bath DS or if DH is in ours. Downstairs is an ensuite guestroom.

We've had loads of guests since we moved (popular seaside location) and much as I love having them I like my own space! The whole point of a downstairs ensuite guestroom is they should never need to come upstairs! Yet some of them come up to use the bathroom, which means I have to keep cleaning the bath and loo and I feel my space is being invaded.

Why can't they just use their own bathroom?? How do I tell them to use their own without seeming rude? It's a perfectly good bathroom with bath as well as shower, plenty of nice products, basket of spare toothbrushes, towels etc.

AIBU?

Oh and don't other people follow the unwritten rule of not opening doors to rooms they haven't been shown around? If a host forgot to tell me where the loo was I'd ask, I wouldn't just try random doors on any floor.

In TigerPath's house I wouldn't go upstairs, unless we were old, old, bezzy mates used you hanging around in each other's bedrooms, in which case I might trot up to seek her out. Having been shown around the downstairs, including my/our bathroom, I would definitely see the upstairs as family space I had no need to enter, the stairgate is another physical/ mental barrier.

It wouldn't occur to me that using a family bathroom was offending my host, it just wouldn't and I'd feel as welcome as a hurricane if you said to me what you said to your guest. I'd also think you were incredibly precious about your baby having its own bathroom which others weren't allowed to use. (Your detol routine is nuts)

My friend has a downstairs loo, but it's not very private, if I want a bit more privacy I go upstairs to use the proper bathroom. They now also have an ensuite. Their previous house had just the one bathroom we all shared, I don't see the difference between using the proper bathroom in the new house & the old bathroom. If I'm staying & one of their kids is in the main bathroom I'd say 'Just nipping in the ensuite shower', but they are close friends, I wouldn't do that with most people.

A couple of years ago we (my mum & I) stayed with a friend of hers. Her friend gave us a 'tour of the house' including her bedroom (immaculate), ensuite (big walk in shower) but made a point about us using the 'bathroom' and not the ensuite. Fair enough, it wouldn't have occured to me to use her ensuite. Except there was only a big roll top bath in there with a hand held shower and the room had a carpeted floor...right pita trying to shower, wash my long hair etc and not get the carpet wet. Would sharing her shower for a couple of days have been that much of an imposition?! I'd never put my guests in that position. It's just rude & unwelcoming.

You do know that your weird request is going to be a much laughed at dinner party anecdote, don't you?

I'm not saying who is right or wrong but the request for guests to not go to the loo in the empty and serviceable 'baby's bathroom' is going to get the piss ripped out of it.

I would hate that, too, OP. I'm an introvert and while I generally like having guests, it's really exhausting when there's no private space left for me to retire to. As a guest I would of course use the ensuite and wouldn't dream of invading the family bathroom as well.

Maybe you could try putting a radio in the ensuite. That way the delicate snowflakes who are too embarrassed to use the loo / shower next door to their partner can turn on some music to drown out any noises.

After RTFT, I have come to the conclusion that either you are all BVU, or I am weird.

(1) We have 2 bathrooms (plus a downstairs toilet, if that's relevant). Neither is ensuite. I do not care who uses which bathroom. However, because of our crappy plumbing set-up, we cannot have two showers running at the same time, so if one person is using either of the showers, no-one else can shower. When we have guests, we therefore have to communicate as to when we are showering. Everyone seems to manage with this just fine.

(2) I have never understood this thing about not wanting to use the toilet in front of your partner. Sure, when you've not long been together, mystique and all that. But when you're married? Or have been together for 5 years? Really? Obviously the situation in the OP's house is different from that in a hotel, because there is another bathroom upstairs, but seriously, how do you people manage in hotels?

(3) I already knew I was a skank about cleaning but this thread has confirmed it

And perhaps more pertinently, how do those who refuse to use the toilet in front of their partner manage if they live in a one-bathroom flat?

Blimey, who bother trying to do a nice thing like put people up when they want to visit you the popular seaside location that you live in.

I'd not bother anymore, Op.

Tell them to fork out for somewhere to stay in future!

Maybe her guests will think Op rude/odd (I wouldn't), well then they just don't have to stay there if they don't like the "rules".

I have IBS and I while I have no qualms with sharing a bathroom for a wee, if dh is showering etc, I want privacy if I have an IBS related issue, and would not be able to hold on for long.

The radio's a great idea, thanks.

I'm at the poster who said she should have been allowed to use her host's ensuite because it was difficult to wash her long hair with a hand-held shower! I think when you're a guest you should be grateful with what you've got. I've stayed at friends houses with no shower, I just use a jug in the bath to wash my hair.

It's not just the faff of cleaning the bath, it's wanting to have some private space. No I don't want guests 'glancing into my bedroom' or stomping along the landing at night.

It's not all guests... many are polite and respectful, sensitive enough not to stray upstairs. But a few just don't get it!

I believe I am a good host. I provide a clean welcoming guestroom (with a memory foam mattress, wardrobe, TV, comfortable armchair etc) and an ensuite well-stocked with towels, nice products, lots of spare toiletries in case they forget something. I've put a lot of thought into designing the guestroom and trying to make it as welcoming and comfortable as possible. I love spending time with people, cooking, taking them on trips etc.

But apparently I need to provide an extra bathroom to be a good host

I find this all quite bizarre. Having lived many years in a house with only one loo, in the family bathroom, why on earth would that be out of limits for guests? You don't remove people's "access rights" to the main bathroom when you get an extra loo. Would you add a second living area and suddenly expect guests to know they were no longer welcome in the main one?

We now have 2 bathrooms. If someone's using one, I'll use the other. This doesn't seem controversial to me. Guests here generally use the downstairs one but of course I clean the upstairs one before they visit, and offer it if an obvious need arises.

OP what will you do when your baby is bigger and you have a group of friends round with 6 toilet training toddlers? Will all the visiting toddlers and their parents have to queue for the guest loo while you reserve the MAIN family bathroom for your son's exclusive use?

Not sure that I've got anything useful to offer, but as I've never lived in a house that has an ensuite and may be don't know the etiquette about always using them if available I would be one of your guests that wouldn't think there was anything wrong with using the family bathroom if I needed the toilet in the day. Having never had a bathroom on the ground floor either, going upstairs to the toilet is just normal for me.

That said I'd use the ensuite in the guest accommodation for my shower etc in the morning and if I needed the loo in the night, but assuming you have a guest towel in there I wouldn't think twice about using the family bathroom in the day. Also If time was short in the morning, up until reading this post it would never had entered my head that I was doing wrong by using the shower in there if OH had nipped into our ensuite shower before me. I would however have taken my towel from downstairs with me and I would have made sure that the shower and toilet was properly cleaned afterwards. Family and friends will tell you that I am very particular about shower and bath being cleaned after use - everyone that stays with us just accepts that this is what they have to do after using the facilities (and the products for doing it are safely displayed with pride along with the toiletries). I would defy any cleaning you might do to be better than mine!!

I readily admit to having certain hang-ups about using the toilet in close proximity to other than the closest of family so if everyone was downstairs in your house I'd be more comfortable going upstairs to use your family bathroom if I could. It wouldn't enter my head to venture into the ensuite attached to your bedroom though.

As to whether YABU - yes probably because you don't make clear to your guests in words of one syllable what they are expected to do. Those that stay with us regularly know that I like the shower and toilet left clean after use, and I have no qualms nicely asking anyone who hasn't been before to make sure that as we only have one bathroom they leave it clean and ready for the next person to use.

would hate that, too, OP. I'm an introvert and while I generally like having guests, it's really exhausting when there's no private space left for me to retire to

I don;t generally retire to the family bathroom for my perosnal space tho!

I have never understood this thing about not wanting to use the toilet in front of your partner. Sure, when you've not long been together, mystique and all that. But when you're married? Or have been together for 5 years? Really

I don't like the idea of other people seeing me having a shit. It looks horrible pushing, and it smells.

'Sensitive enough not to stray upstairs'

I think you need a welcome pack telling guests how to behave appropriately.

I'm afraid I'm with the poster up thread that said thiwww.google.co.uk/search?q=abigail's+party&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=visn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiBn_Kw5czMAhUHsxQKHRirD6YQ_AUICCgC&biw=375&bih=559&dpr=2#imgrc=xU-Yv_UxsbcYdM%3As feels very lower middle class and well, mean...

I'm afraid I can't help picturing the OP as

Sorry - my formatting on my phone went a bit funny.

As I was saying, I think the posters up thread that said it's a bit of a strange attitude and very lower working class. You were also very rude.

Anyway, I am picturing the hostess as this don't use the baby's toilet

MN weirdness about houses never ends. It's just so lower middle class, Darling . Wasn't there one recent poster who didn't think guests should poo in her house at all?

You crack me up shiny

Sorry I meant lower middle class. Can I clutch at shiny's pearls as well?

I don;t generally retire to the family bathroom for my perosnal space tho!

Maybe you don't, but I get quite stressed when I don't have some time to myself to get ready in the morning. I want to hang about in my PJs for a bit, take a shower, get dressed and do my hair and make-up without feeling rushed because guests may be waiting to use the same bathroom. The only people I don't mind having around first thing in the morning are my DP and immediate family. We currently only have one bathroom and whenever we have guests (even my oldest friends!) I get up hours before everyone else just so I don't have to face anyone and be sociable before I'm actually ready to engage with the world! My DP and my mother are the same and I have a feeling this might be one of those typical introvert / extrovert things.

Some of these posts are a bit weird!

I think it's understandable for a guest to use a family bathroom for a wee in the daytime, possibly even a poo if they felt weird about the proximity (although surely better for the smell etc to be in your own space, not inflicted on everyone else). For showers and night time toilets then they should definitely use the guest loo. It's just very rude otherwise and pretty entitled to think it's ok to wander up to use the loo in the night when they have their own or to hog two bathrooms if their OH is showering in their loo.

Ridiculous saying that they shouldn't have to hold on for a shower/ toilet in the morning if OH is in there. It's about not taking over the whole house and invading the family's private areas. And why do couples now need a bathroom each? Really weird.

I think you're totally reasonable cleaning the bathroom. People can be really gross about what they leave in a bathroom/ shower. Hairs, foam, etc etc. And as you say they could have something contagious like a verruca. Does depend on the age of your child as to their immune system etc but I don't think yabu at all. I do think the posters who would apparently run a bath for their young child leaving all of the guest's hairs, dead skin, dirty foam residue, etc are unreasonable and gross.

Really bizarre behaviour to use someone's ensuite. Why would you want to walk through someone's bedroom which is such a private space, and risk them finding you there. Really odd.

I'd just casually explain it at the start of a guest visit. It's nicer for guests to have the boundaries spelled out rather than be left guessing and wonder if you're causing resentment. Just explain upstairs is your private area, make a joke about how you like to go round in your PJs, explain the bathroom isn't actually a shared one but just for DS (good idea to put a sign on the door saying x's bathroom or something), you have your own bathroom please stick to that one. Do it in a light hearted jokey way but be clear and you'll be fine.

To those posters saying OP just shouldn't have guests any more - since when does guests mean that you aren't allowed any personal boundaries??

Very puzzled by the posters saying its 'lower middle class' to expect guests to use their own bathroom! What does it have to do with class? Am genuinely curious as to how you can explain that one!

Kitten, yes I'm like that too, I like my own space in the mornings! I'm in and out of DS' room, changing his nappy, getting him washed and dressed, in my PJs. Then I like to get showered and dressed, do my hair and make-up, before seeing or talking to our guests!

It's also disruptive to his naps if they keep coming up and down the stairs, past his room, banging the stairgates!

I'd understand it more if the bathroom was on the ground floor and it was easier for them to get to during the day, but it's not!

I agree I was U not to make it clear when they arrived.

To all posters saying they wouldn't like to be restricted to one bathroom, what would you do if there were 2 bathrooms (neither ensuite)... 1 near your bedroom, 1 closer to your hosts bedroom, would you still use both? Even if one had clearly been set up for your exclusive use with towels, guest toiletries etc?

I think the poster of that comment was deliberately teasing, OP

YANBU.

I think your guests are very rude not to use the bathroom provided for them.

If someone was ill and desperate for the loo, obviously you would be unreasonable to object to them using whichever one happened to be free. But that's not the situation you are talking about, is it?

If you only had one bathroom, then of course you would expect guests to use that. But that isn't the situation here, either.

Your son may well have visiting friends when he is older who might use the upstairs loo - but, again, that is very different when the children are already playing upstairs in his bedroom.

I think that it's seen as lower middle class as it just feels like there is something a bit try hard about the talk of the memory foam mattress and guest bottles of shampoo. It's all very 'well appointed gu-est room' wth a tinkly little laugh.

It's hard to describe, but I feel like you have invited people into your home but are not really comfortable about having them there in case they muss up your doilies. Or the baby bathroom. And so what if they see you in your pjs? Or, heaven help us, glance at your bedroom.

Personally, I don't like having a poo on the ground floor next to the living room where my friends are, especially if we have had a big night the night before. I like a bit of privacy.

It's all a bit Valerie Jones from Jilly Cooper.

I think it would be very rude indeed to use a loo or bathroom other than the one(s) offered by your hosts. I don't like sharing my loo or bathroom with anyone other than close family.

Haven't read the thread.

Stop cleaning it. Eat some raw chicken. Get explosive diarrhea. Don't clean up afterwards.

Have a feeling they might stop using it after that.