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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think guests should use their own bathroom not the spare one on the landing!

202 replies

TigerPath · 07/05/2016 15:31

3-bed house, DH and I have a bedroom with ensuite upstairs next to DS' room. There's another bathroom on the landing which I use to bath DS or if DH is in ours. Downstairs is an ensuite guestroom.

We've had loads of guests since we moved (popular seaside location) and much as I love having them I like my own space! The whole point of a downstairs ensuite guestroom is they should never need to come upstairs! Angry Yet some of them come up to use the bathroom, which means I have to keep cleaning the bath and loo and I feel my space is being invaded.

Why can't they just use their own bathroom?? How do I tell them to use their own without seeming rude? It's a perfectly good bathroom with bath as well as shower, plenty of nice products, basket of spare toothbrushes, towels etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 09/05/2016 04:00

What do people do in hotels? There usually isn't a family bathroom in a hotel though, is there...so it's not comparable.

She was coming out of the upstairs bathroom (again!) so I asked if there was a problem with their en-suite. She said her DH was in the shower! So I said 'actually this one's the baby's bathroom and the plumbing's not great, the toilet blocks easily, would you mind sticking to your ensuite? What if she desperately needed the toilet? Do you expect her to wait until her dh has finished? What if you have a guest with a disability that means they couldn't wait for the toilet, or they would soil themselves? Do you still expect them to wait?

Every time a guest showers in DS' bath I have to Dettol it before bathing him, don't want him exposed to any athletes foot or verrucas or plughole-hair! Seriously? You do know that you don't have to clean THAT excessively, don't you? I would say that the lack of germs due to over dettol-ing would be more of an issue...

queenoftheboys · 09/05/2016 04:24

As always with these type of threads I find it extraordinary that there are so many uptight, unwelcoming people! If I know and like people well enough to invite them to stay as house guests I want them to feel happy and comfortable and welcomed in my house. That means they can use any bathroom they prefer (yes, including my ensuite as long as we're not in the bedroom), eat whatever food they find in the kitchen etc. When I tell my guests to make themselves at home I actually mean it.

And dettol-ing the bath before bathing your child is way OTT - they have immune systems that benefit from being challenged.

GarlicShake · 09/05/2016 04:26

I'm highly entertained by the posters who think OP's a dreadful hostess for expecting her guest couple to share a bathroom. Obviously, Tiger, you really shouldn't have anyone to stay unless you can offer them an entire guest floor with two bathrooms per couple Grin

Yes, I do think your guests are weird. You show them in, here's your room and look, your bathroom with all towels & stuff. To me, that says 'use this bathroom'. Though I'd probably use a downstairs loo as well, if I happened to be closer.

Are you sure noise doesn't travel? If you can hear people in the living room while in the guest bathroom, that could explain the problem.

Original poster
TigerPath · 09/05/2016 07:06

I'm a bit Shock at some of these posts!

Yes they are family and friends, plus sometimes DH's colleagues. I thought providing a guestroom with ensuite was perfectly adequate. I mentioned hotels because what would you do if you were desperate for the loo and your DH/friend was in there? (If it's relevant, I have colitis and manage fine with an ensuite, if I'm really desperate I bang on door and ask DH or friend to hurry up! They are always understanding). But then I'm used to travelling a lot and sharing a bathroom with him or a female friend or my sister. As a guest I would always prefer an ensuite than a communal bathroom.

I'm surprised you think it's U to clean the bath after a guest has used it. Germs aside people tend to leave soap scum, hairs and splashes of shampoo in the bath. I've yet to have a guest who leaves the bath clean.

I enjoy having guests but having them so often I feel protective of my space and that space is upstairs. I want to be able to wander about in my PJs, leave things untidy etc. They are welcome to use any downstairs room (kitchen, lounge, conservatory, garden etc).

The guest bathroom does back onto the lounge so it could be a privacy issue. But I still don't want them using DS' bathroom. I generally don't take them upstairs unless they ask for a tour, maybe I need to make it clearer.

Why is it unwelcoming to only provide 1 bathroom? Since when do people expect one each??

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 09/05/2016 07:14

I don't think anyone expects a bathroom each, OP but - if you have collitis - surely you can appreciate that people might be embarrassed about using a loo right by your sitting room? As for your suggestion of running the shower- that's hardly unobtrusive if it's the middle of the day, is it?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/05/2016 07:27

Honestly OP I think you need to cut down on having guests to stay, and when you do you need to tell them that what looks like a bathroom for anyone to use (which in most houses the large family bathroom is) is in fact specifically your DS's bathroom and they are not to use it.

StealthPolarBear · 09/05/2016 07:29

The op was asking about hotels in response to the people saying the woman needed a wee and her oh was in the shower so what on earth should she have done. ..whatever she'd do if they were in a hotel presumably.
And if it's 'lower middle class" to prefer some privacy and private areas of your home then guilty as charged. Sone people on mn are obsessed with assigning behaviours to class! Does that fall into a class stereotype?

Original poster
TigerPath · 09/05/2016 07:33

I do see your point. And yes I get the thing about wanting to seek out the most private bathroom. However, people rarely use the lounge during the day, if home we sit in the conservatory or kitchen. There's more chance they would be overheard upstairs as I go up and down frequently and DS has all his naps upstairs, and have to pass the bathroom to get to his room and my bedroom.

Maybe having colitis has made me more relaxed about that kind of thing than the average person. If I needed to use a bathroom next to a room where people were sitting, I'd run the shower on cold and think nothing of it. No-one is going to question why I'm taking a shower in the middle of the day, if they did I would say I was rinsing something under it. Also there is a very loud powerful extractor fan.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/05/2016 07:35

I think what makes the question about hotels odd to me is - why would you hold it in/bang on the door/make someone get out of the shower/wet yourself when there's an alternative? People aren't psychic so don't know that this big family bathroom isn't an alternative.

StealthPolarBear · 09/05/2016 07:37

Does anyone over the age of seven without any underlying medical conditions really wet themselves when staying in a hotel?

NoahVale · 09/05/2016 07:39

is it just these current people op?
or do you have lots of guests invading your bathroom?

shinynewusername · 09/05/2016 07:40

Am perfectly happy to be called a snob - I admitted it up thread. But this sort of behaviour to guests sets my teeth on edge far more than a bit of swearing, earrings on babies and other things seen on MN as chavvy. It is just so self-centred. Instead of thinking about the guests, it's all about the host when any host is far more in her comfort zone than a guest anyway, without creating arbitrary rules about which communal rooms they can use.

We've only got one bathroom. We have had up to 8 visitors at a time and so far no one has died of acute Dettol deficiency Grin

Redlocks28 · 09/05/2016 07:41

It's not the same as the hotel scenario as there is clearly an alternative toilet! Would you rather have uncomfortable guests?!

I think you need to cut down on having guests altogether tbh-you seen overly irritated by their bodily functions.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/05/2016 07:45

Ah - a loud extractor fan. Yes, that would put me off using it.

I'm just wondering how OP is going to deal with it when her DS is old enough to have friends over and they want to play in his bedroom. Random children using the upstairs bathroom because that's where they are.

blinkowl · 09/05/2016 07:51

What a bunch of up tight people! If I had a guest room with an en suite and my guests used the family bathroom it wouldn't even register as an issue.

"Every time a guest showers in DS' bath I have to Dettol it before bathing him, don't want him exposed to any athletes foot or verrucas or plughole-hair!"

This is craziness.

We have one toilet and one bathroom for everyone. How on earth do we cope?!!! Shock

(Just fine).

Fabellini · 09/05/2016 07:52

Our babysitter is a bit like this. Our house has a downstairs loo, for guests and family...whoever needs. Upstairs - right at the top of the stairs - there's a big family bathroom, and then there's an en suite in my bedroom.
She uses my en-suite! Has to walk past downstairs loo and bathroom to get there, and if noise is the issue, is actually closer to the dcs, than if she used either of the other two.
It feels like a real invasion of my privacy, and I just don't understand why she does it, but I can't seem to find a way to ask her not to without sounding really petty!

diddl · 09/05/2016 08:01

"But if her husband's in the shower she can't use "her" toilet! "

That is the funniest thing that I have heard for a long time.

When my daughter & I stayed with my sister, we both shared her shower room whilst her OH continued to have his bathroom to himself!

Never occured to not do it though.

Op I don't think that YABU to think that they don't need to be wandering about using another bathroom when they have one for their sole use.

zad716 · 09/05/2016 08:06

I must be the strange one as if I was staying in your house I wouldn't go upstairs looking for a bathroom unless I had a really good reason.

Its easy to discourage any guests from using the 'family' bathroom by properly turning it into DS's bathroom - ie putting a sign on the door (DS's bathroom), removing the lock (after all you not going to want him locking himself in there), and putting bath toys, etc everywhere. Could even decorate it in a childish way.

No guest would use it unless they have a very good reason (which maybe there is - you need to find out first).

carabos · 09/05/2016 08:10

What I don't understand here is why a guest, whose every need is being catered for downstairs, would go upstairs at all. Even if you were a bit fussy about not wanting to use the loo while your other half was showering, you'd put up with it, as you do in a hotel. You wouldn't just set off round the rest of the house.

We have one bathroom and one, separate loo. If someone is in the loo, you just have to wait. It doesn't seem to be a problem. And bypassing main bathrooms and downstairs loos to seek out someone's en suite is just weird. That's territorial. The en suite is absolutely the last place you could guarantee privacy simply because the host would come waltzing in at any moment - it being their bedroom and all - and wouldn't expect to find anyone in there. I would definitely say something in those circs.

diddl · 09/05/2016 08:14

I'd stick to using the ensuite if I were invited to stay, OP.

Popular seaside location-isn't that enough, without wanting a bathroom each??

If that's what they want then they should pay for it!

Fairylea · 09/05/2016 08:22

There's no way I would go wandering around a house looking for an upstairs bathroom if I had been given exclusive use of an en suite. I think it's extremely rude to take yourself off upstairs when you haven't been invited to.

I don't see anything wrong with expecting them to use the one bathroom they've been shown!

Perbsy · 09/05/2016 08:30

We have one loo and it's in the only bathroom. We don't have visitors. I don't own any Dettol.

I'm feeling a bit left out.

LightDrizzle · 09/05/2016 08:35

I don't understand the flack you are getting, but I do think you should mention it briefly as you show people round to avoid embarrassment, given there are clearly a lot of people who expect a free-range bathroom experience and will hunt it down.
Just show them how the shower works in their en-suite, and casually add that there is a bathroom at the top of the stairs but it's kept for LittleTigerPath if they don't mind, - not that it has anything the en-suite doesn't.
They may think it's a bit odd but fuck me, a lot of families are quirkier, and you are hosting in them generously with what sounds like very nice facilities.

BoatyMcBoat · 09/05/2016 08:40

It sounds like you're running a b&b, rather than just having friends/family to stay. If I have guests, I expect them to go everywhere they feel like going. I assume they would be polite enough to do no more than glance into family bedrooms, not riffle through knicker drawers (and if they did they wouldn't be welcomed back).

As for scurrying around keeping everything tidy because we have guests , not a chance. If there's cleaning/tidying to be done I expect them to help. In other words, they clean up their own shit.

Spudlet · 09/05/2016 08:48

Well, that's one set of guests you won't have to worry about again. How precious and rude you seem, op.

I wonder how some posters think we benighted souls who only have one bathroom manage... Send guests up the garden with a spade?