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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think guests should use their own bathroom not the spare one on the landing!

202 replies

TigerPath · 07/05/2016 15:31

3-bed house, DH and I have a bedroom with ensuite upstairs next to DS' room. There's another bathroom on the landing which I use to bath DS or if DH is in ours. Downstairs is an ensuite guestroom.

We've had loads of guests since we moved (popular seaside location) and much as I love having them I like my own space! The whole point of a downstairs ensuite guestroom is they should never need to come upstairs! Angry Yet some of them come up to use the bathroom, which means I have to keep cleaning the bath and loo and I feel my space is being invaded.

Why can't they just use their own bathroom?? How do I tell them to use their own without seeming rude? It's a perfectly good bathroom with bath as well as shower, plenty of nice products, basket of spare toothbrushes, towels etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 08/05/2016 12:48

Can I come and stay. I am having problems with my back and would love to be somewhere I did not have to climb the stairs every time I needed a pee repeated UTIs too).

I will be a lovely guest, I promise!

razmataz · 08/05/2016 14:55

God I bet the poor girl is mortified.

Well if you want to discourage house guests then embarrassing them and making them feel unwelcome is a great way to do it.

Thankfully none of my friends are so uptight when they invite me to stay.

Oly5 · 08/05/2016 14:58

Yes, having to use Dettol in the bath is just plain weird.
I think these uptight homeowners are missing the point if having guests...!
Of course she went looking for another toilet! I would say most people would.
I also see your guest numbers dwindling fast due to petty rules

amicissimma · 08/05/2016 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smokeybandit · 08/05/2016 15:23

If I were staying with friends with an en suite, I would use it when I was in 'bedroom mode' so in the morning and night and while getting changed-would definitely use it to shower or bath. But during the day I can't see why I wouldn't use a main bathroom just to use the loo. I'd assume everyone would use the main bathroom during the day. If I wasn't comfortable or didn't feel welcome/at home I'd probably stick to the en suite though.

alltouchedout · 08/05/2016 15:29

My god but you territorial bathroom people are weird. I totally understand en suites not attached to guest rooms being off limits but banning guests from other bathrooms is just so strange.

BigbyWolf · 08/05/2016 15:51

But if her husband's in the shower she can't use "her" toilet! Do you expect her to piss herself?!?

Why on earth can't she use the loo if her Dh is in the shower?

OP - Yanbu, I would hate this too.

BackforGood · 08/05/2016 16:18

Can't believe you were so rude to family friends staying in your home! Shock.

You've asked on here, LOADS of people have told you it's perfectly logical / normal / usual to use a family /main bathroom, and that it wouldn't occur to them that anyone would have an issue with that, so you've then taken none of that on board, and basically told off a guest in your home for doing something most people don't think to be wrong Confused

Not sure why you asked, really.

DriedBasil · 08/05/2016 16:32

Why does this spring to mind?

Op you're not unreasonable for wanting guests to use their loo through the night to stop creaking etc but to embarrass someone who was using the toilet while someone else was in the ensuite is ott.

Oly5 · 08/05/2016 16:41

What backforgood said.
Most people think it's rude but you don't care anyway

Original poster
TigerPath · 08/05/2016 18:29

I could understand it more if it was a downstairs bathroom, but it's not... they have to go up a flight of stairs, knowing it's only family bedrooms up there, no second lounge or anything. Doesn't it occur to people the family might want some privacy?

Yes of course I clean the bath before bathing my baby, if someone else has been using it Confused
I also change the towel they've dried their hands/body on, I'm not drying him with a used towel. And it's horrible bathing him in a smelly room Angry

Maybe I was a bit short with her, but when I stay at friends houses I never stray into areas unless invited, and wouldn't use the family bathroom if I had an ensuite.

What do people do in hotels?

OP posts:
MarianneSolong · 08/05/2016 18:34

I think it's quite good for babies to be around other people - rather than being kept in ultra-sanitised sterile environment. So if a guest had violent food poisoning, it would make sense for them to use the 'guest' facilities so as not to infect somebody very young. Otherwise the more a baby is 'exposed' to the better - that way they won't get laid low absolutely everything when they go to nursery/pre-school etc....

eternalopt · 08/05/2016 18:54

What am I missing? How does the guess using the ensuite create LESS cleaning? Surely it creates more, as there's an extra bathroom to clean before and after their visit? Anyway, as to the original question, I hate en-suites, but id probably use it and not venture upstairs if it's there, unless we had the kids with us or something and to use it would risk waking them up etc, but I'd probably check it was ok to go upstairs

Oly5 · 08/05/2016 20:45

but you said it right there - a family bathroom suggests COMMUNAL use.
Also, if this is your first baby, we've all been there with a "precious first born", but smelly room? Does it REALLY smell come bath time? you sound a bit like a clean freak tbh. and before long he/she will be grubbing around in the dirt and eating twigs
Surely you could contain all this while your guests are there - just make sure they feel welcome and have a nice time?

razmataz · 08/05/2016 21:18

OP - as has been said repeatedly, if you are staying as a guest in someone's house, it is normal to be welcomed into all communal areas of the house - which would include a family bathroom.

You keep banging on about privacy but they're hardly snooping through your drawers or getting into your bed are they?

I'm also unsure why you keep asking about hotels - you're not running a hotel, so the rules are not the same.

You have invited them into your home - if you don't want people 'invading your privacy', then don't invite them to stay.

beckywiththemehhair · 08/05/2016 21:39

Understand and respect differing views here. But there's no absolute right or wrong in this situation as such and if OP wants to keep the upstairs bathroom for the baby and family use then any reasonable minded guest, even if they might secretly think it was a bit bonkers, would most likely be amenable and respect that.

I personally agree with OP that as a visitor I would stick to obviously communal areas such as kitchen, lounge/sitting room/front room and not wander into more personal/family communal areas such as bedrooms and bathrooms unless I was absolutely sure it wasn't being intrusive. Just as I wouldn't be too happy if I found a host going through my wardrobe or overnight bag whilst I was staying.

People just have different ideas and comfort levels regarding personal space. Don't think this makes OP rude and unwelcoming though.

fadingfast · 08/05/2016 22:29

If we have guests then we accept that it means our 'privacy' is relinquished for a few days since our house doesn't have a spare wing for guests. It is really not the same as staying in a hotel, in my view. I would find it very strange for a bathroom to be described as 'the baby's'.

Perhaps put a stop to the visits for a while? It doesn't sound as though you find it an enjoyable experience and obsess about cleanliness.

coconutpie · 08/05/2016 22:40

YANBU. You've provided guests with their own private bathroom - it's totally taking the piss to then go use the bathroom upstairs also. And yes, I agree - how do these precious snowflakes cope in a hotel with, shock horror, only access to an ensuite? Exactly ... They manage perfectly. I would be spraying with Dettol too!

Oly5 · 08/05/2016 22:58

taking the piss to use the family bathroom when her dp was in the shower in theirs?
spraying everywhere with dettol?
i'm beginning to think mumsnetters are mad Smile

beckywiththemehhair · 08/05/2016 23:20

The wardrobe and bag was obviously an OTT reverse example. But the point is that if there's an ensuite in the guest's room and one family bathroom I would have thought there's an implicit message there...

BackforGood · 08/05/2016 23:50

Yes of course I clean the bath before bathing my baby, if someone else has been using it
I also change the towel they've dried their hands/body on, I'm not drying him with a used towel. And it's horrible bathing him in a smelly room

Clearly you have other issues then.
In which case, you'd need to either stop people visiting, or explain to them before they come that you have issues, so would they mind terribly not actually ever going upstairs when they visit. The point is, you can't expect people to know this, instinctively before they arrive.

shinynewusername · 09/05/2016 01:06

MN weirdness about houses never ends. It's just so lower middle class, Darling . Wasn't there one recent poster who didn't think guests should poo in her house at all?

I have either never encountered someone like this IRL or I have completely failed to notice their outrage at me using the wrong loo/farting too close to their airing cupboard/violating the privacy of their canary.

And yes, I know there are people with medical and mental health issues that make it very difficult to share spaces. Nothing but sympathy for them. But there are also a lot of ridiculous fuss pots.

roundtable · 09/05/2016 01:38

It sounds like you're fed up of hosting guests op. Maybe decline visitors for a while?

My niece, who was old enough to know better, used to bypass a downstairs wc and the family bathroom to do a poo in our ensuite. Even if the doors were shut to our room she would say she couldn't find the main bathroom. Which was in front of you as you walked up the stairs. I live in an end terrace house, not a mansion. I said something in the end. I'm not sure why she was doing it. I presume nosiness.

Goingthedistance · 09/05/2016 03:39

Not sure what you're getting at shinynewusername Wink

differentnameforthis · 09/05/2016 03:51

want more privacy so they assume upstairs one is for their use too! I think that's so rude!

Hang on, these are guests who are friends/family, right?

Yet their presence in your - spare - bathroom makes you feel invaded? And you think it is rude for your INVITED guests to use your facilities?

What do they do if they are part of a couple and one is already using the en suite? Wait?

Seriously, I find this weird. If they were using YOUR en suite, fair enough. But they are using a spare bathroom.

If you really don't want them using it, put a lock on it, or stop inviting people to share your space.