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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think guests should use their own bathroom not the spare one on the landing!

202 replies

TigerPath · 07/05/2016 15:31

3-bed house, DH and I have a bedroom with ensuite upstairs next to DS' room. There's another bathroom on the landing which I use to bath DS or if DH is in ours. Downstairs is an ensuite guestroom.

We've had loads of guests since we moved (popular seaside location) and much as I love having them I like my own space! The whole point of a downstairs ensuite guestroom is they should never need to come upstairs! Angry Yet some of them come up to use the bathroom, which means I have to keep cleaning the bath and loo and I feel my space is being invaded.

Why can't they just use their own bathroom?? How do I tell them to use their own without seeming rude? It's a perfectly good bathroom with bath as well as shower, plenty of nice products, basket of spare toothbrushes, towels etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
TigerPath · 07/05/2016 23:09

We have stairgates up.
There's a fan in their ensuite but no window.
There's a light over the mirror so no need to put main bathroom light on unless they want to.

Every time a guest showers in DS' bath I have to Dettol it before bathing him, don't want him exposed to any athletes foot or verrucas or plughole-hair!

Some use it at night (annoying as DH and I are trying to relax in bed and stairs creak) some use it during day. Not all use it.

OP posts:
Clarabell33 · 07/05/2016 23:32

I have this in reverse (kind of). So bloody annoying!

On three occasions, BIL, who was not staying over, went and used the en-suite in our spare room instead of the downstairs loo or the loo in the main bathroom. So, choice of two toilets, both clean, readily available, plenty of paper/towels/soap etc... but no, he would go into the spare room to use the toilet there, for a nice long shit, which meant we had a third toilet and sink to clean (yes, it did need a proper scrub) instead of only cleaning it between actual guests.

The second time I caught him at it (which was the third time he used it), I did say "could you not use the en-suite as it means we have another toilet to clean? Either of the other TWO ffs is fine." BIL said "oh but it's not messy." yes it fucking was last time and the time before when I shouted for DH to come and tell me what the fuck had happened to the previously clean en-suite about 20min before actual guests were due to arrive I said "yes but still. So don't use it again. Thanks." He hasn't or has got a lot better at cleaning up his own shit. I've never been quite so forceful with any of DH's family before, and felt terribly rude, but got over it after a few seconds. I think DH also appreciated not having to chisel his brother's leavings off the toilet again.

Incidentally both the other two loos are pretty private - probably more so than the en-suite which is over the living room, and sound carries quite well...

razmataz · 08/05/2016 09:15

Honestly I think you're being precious and a bit unwelcoming.

I could understand if they were using the ensuite in your bedroom - but to use a family bathroom on the landing? I wouldn't consider that an invasion of privacy for someone I've invited into my home - they're house guests, not hotel guests.

In my experience, 'family' areas would normally be open to guests - kitchen, living room, family bathroom etc. Bedrooms and ensuites (other than your own) would be out of bounds. So if you want to set specific rules about where to go then I think you'll have to spell this out as it would not be standard to bar guests from the family bathroom.

Perhaps you should have fewer guests to stay, if the thought of them straying outside 'their zone' makes you feel so uncomfortable.

pimsandlemonade · 08/05/2016 09:24

Not at all precious!
This would annoy me too!
Next time you see a guest using it make a concerned face and ask if something's wrong with the downstrairs one?
Maybe there genuinely is an issue (perhaps it's blocked?) ?

Ameliablue · 08/05/2016 09:27

Surely the upstairs bathroom is a communal room so perfectly reasonable for a guest to use, if they don't want to disturb others downstairs?

pimsandlemonade · 08/05/2016 09:28

Also if the guests are your friends they should understand if you explain that that bath is for the baby so if they could use their one downstrairs.
Maybe don't say that you'd have to scrub it after the guest... (Probably won't make them feel great)
But rather explain that there will be baby stuff and bath toys lying around and guests would be more comfortable downstrairs

Lookingagain · 08/05/2016 09:30

I'd be annoyed too.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/05/2016 09:42

Oohh I use the upstairs bathroom at the in laws when people are downstairs - it's next to the living room and I've no idea if you can hear but it feels too close! It feels antisocial not too.

I think it's just that they are more comfortable in the other bathroom if there are people downstairs/ they are worried about noise/ they don't want to wake their partner up or make the bedroom smell of whatever, so they choose the bathroom thst makes them feel happiest. If the upstairs bathroom isn't an option, you'll need to make that clear I think so they know they are restricted to one toilet.

Oly5 · 08/05/2016 10:15

they obviously don't want to use the downstairs one for some reason
So let them use the upstairs one and lighten up ...or don't have guests to stay.
Simples

HighwayDragon1 · 08/05/2016 10:16

If I'm visiting people I automatically go to the loo upstairs in the "main" bathroom, we've only got one bathroom at home and I don't even think about it when I go it's straight upstairs. First thing in the morning I'd use the loo in my room but during the day it'd be upstairs without a thought.

I'd shower in the en suite though, if that makes it easier?

BoboChic · 08/05/2016 10:17

Don't even show your visitors around upstairs. Emphasise the fact that you have a "visitor space" in your home.

Bisghetti · 08/05/2016 10:25

If your family are all using the upstairs loo during waking hours they may just follow your example. And in the night prefer the upstairs one as flushing might wake their partner. I personally would choose to use a toilet away from where other people are so wouldn't be keen on using a guest bathroom next door to the lounge room.

Original poster
TigerPath · 08/05/2016 10:38

Thanks everyone

Well I've just had a word with our current guests (DH's friends). She was coming out of the upstairs bathroom (again!) so I asked if there was a problem with their en-suite. She said her DH was in the shower! So I said 'actually this one's the baby's bathroom and the plumbing's not great, the toilet blocks easily, would you mind sticking to your ensuite?'
She agreed but looked a bit embarrassed. We were both embarassed!

Next time I will tell guests as soon as they arrive.

I don't think it's unwelcoming to ask guests to use their own bathroom. I would love to have a private ensuite when visiting friends. I think it's rude to wander round the house looking for another bathroom because you don't want to wait for the shower!

OP posts:
FuzzyOwl · 08/05/2016 10:39

Unscrew the shower head upstairs then when you have guests.

kittybiscuits · 08/05/2016 10:46

Ditto ex BIL ensuite/shit. Weird, unpleasant territorial and disrespectful behaviour.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 08/05/2016 11:01

But if her husband's in the shower she can't use "her" toilet! Do you expect her to piss herself?!?

kittybiscuits · 08/05/2016 11:05

Two people cannot manage with one bathroom????

Oly5 · 08/05/2016 11:27

Her husband was in the shower and you told her she couldn't use upstairs?
Wow OP, you are incredibly rude.
I wouldn't be surprised if they never stay again

Redlocks28 · 08/05/2016 11:30

I can't believe you told her not to use the bathroom when the other one was busy!! Did she need a wee?

abigamarone · 08/05/2016 11:34

But if her husband's in the shower she can't use "her" toilet! Do you expect her to piss herself?!?
I'd imagine she'd have to do what millions of other people do in one-bathroom houses, wait or use it.

It isn't precious or unwelcoming to want guests to use the bathroom provided for them.
It is however, rude, entitled and plain weird to deliberately go out your way to use an upstairs bathroom when you have one provided downstairs.

abigamarone · 08/05/2016 11:36

And to go past stairgates and use it at night when it disturbs people - how can anyone think that's not odd?

rollonthesummer · 08/05/2016 11:38

If I needed a wee and one of the bathrooms were in use, I would go to another one!

LeaLeander · 08/05/2016 11:50

Wow, OP, that was rude and inhospitable. To the extreme.

Not every couple urinates and defecates freely in one another's presence. If the husband was in the shower, what was the woman to do? Crouch in the garden? Even if he were just in bed, maybe she needs more privacy.

Denying guests basic facilities -at the guest's convenience -is really cloddish. And there is something weird about being so territorial about your baby's bathroom. I think your houseguest problem is going to wane considerably as would-be guests become aware of your stingy and resentful attitude.

EveOnline2016 · 08/05/2016 11:54

Has the bathroom been pointed out to the guest.

I would never open a door in a room.

2rebecca · 08/05/2016 12:36

I find your Dettol enthusiasm bizarre but had kids with eczema. Rinsing out the bath with water is more environmentally friendly and less likely to cause eczema than all that Dettol.
It sounds as though having so many bathrooms has turned you in to a hygiene freak who sees germs everywhere.
It's OK to ask guests to use the bathroom downstairs, but not because you are concerned they have contagious illnesses which will poison your pfb.