To be furious with this teacher.

[AlarmBells]

Sorry this is a bit long but I need a rant!

So, but of background, ds who's 8 has had a difficult relationship with school. We've been in a few times to talk about behaviour. (Attitude, talking back, arguing in class)

Every time we've been in I've tried my best to be supportive. I don't agree with punishing children twice for offenses, but I have a stern talk with him when we get home and we talk about what's triggering it, and how me and the teacher can help him.

We were called in again today, another frustrating session. Apparently DS swore and shouted at a boy in class, who (and the teacher admitted it) had been annoying him by sticking his tongue out and making noises at him.

She says he'she's often rude and talks back consistently...he says the other kids in class are always annoying him. I asked what was being done about that and teacher smiled patronisingly, rolled her eyes and said she's had a word with the parents and the children. She then turned to DS and said 'we are talking about YOUR behaviour though' with another smirk.

Anyway, we left, I again promised to talk to DS when home. She saw us to the door. However when she turned back I realised we'd forgotten his book bag, so I caught door as it was closing and nipped back in (DS stayed outside).

I was just outside the class room and heard this exchange.

' Do you have a brick wall I can bag my head against'
'Is it xxxxx again?'
'Oh God, he's just so rude! And his mum thinks he sh*ts gold, that's the problem! He just gets home and whines to mummy he's being picked on and she laps up every word! Funny how he only does that when he gets a bollocking. Little shit'
'What are you going to do?'
'She sounds like she's making screechy sound from psycho, they laugh'.

I quickly and quietly get out, but I'm still fuming. Totally unprofessional, yes? I know they thought I was out the building, but still. I now know a few things:

1. She has talked about my son like this before.
2. she refers to children as 'little shits'
3. She is completely two faced
4. she has no regards for ds's feelings during all this.

What's my next move? Feeling distraught. May email head tonight/ tommorow morning.

There does seem to be a lot of bad feeling developing here. Can I suggest you read the school's behaviour policy, they must have one and it should be on their website. Make an appointment with the head and ask whether they are using the policy in respect of your son. You should also, (calmly), tell the head about the conversation you heard.

Tbh OP, I think the way you have responded to this thread is really admirable. It must have been very difficult but you've taken it on board and started to move forward. Well done for speaking so calmly to the teacher as well.

I have to say I bet a lot of teachers say far worse than that about the kids in their charge!

Well done for being understanding towards the teacher!

At the park this morning a woman was telling her friend that her daughter had been a little shit this week. The daughter looked a young 2. Reminded me of this thread

Have you never called your own child a 'little sh*t' under your breath, I know I have!! Your son's teacher has to spend considerably more time with him than you do each day, plus she has, I imagine, about 25-30 other little darlings to think about. It was a private conversation, you cannot hold her to account for that. You can, however, ask yourself what you can do as a parent to stop her thinking that of your son. I would be horrified if any of my 3 boys swore or misbehaved at school. Perhaps attend a parenting workshop or speak to the family support worker linked to the school. Ultimately how your child behaves at school/in public is a reflection of you.

Do posters never read the OP's updates?

It's not fair to poke someone when you know they have a short fuse. I know they are winding him up quite a lot, and it just doesn't seem like he's being taken seriously

So it is the fault of the other children if your DS swears at them? They are supposed to adapt their normal behaviour to tiptoe round him? You are really invested in enabling his nasty behaviour, aren't you?

My only surprise is that the teacher was so restrained in her rant.

I think you are quite right to be furious. Having worked in a school I know that it is highly unprofessional to have discussions about children where they could be overheard by others. This conversation between teachers should have taken place in the privacy of the staff room or a private office. Although I agree teachers do sometimes need to let off steam they also know they have to wait for an appropriate time. I also think the teacher should have helped you with an action plan to work on with all three of you both in school and out. Teachers know they have to deal with difficult children as well as the easy well behaved ones. I think part of the reward in teaching is helping children like your son. Good luck xxx

1.Your sons behaviour and her description of it sounds accurate

1. You are making up excuses for him.
2. The teacher thinks you're to blame partly and are not supporting her in helping him.
3. She did the right thing in calling you in to discuss it and so she is being open.

The above are facts.

What can you do to support her and him? Where is his father in all of this? Why does the teacher think you are a psycho as illustrated by the noise she made?

Take this as a wake up call, not nice to hear, stop being so defensive and work with the school with his behaviour. He needs consistency in approach not you modelling more conflict to him, because you eavesdropped on a private conversation.

I was exactly in this position 4 years ago with my son. He misbehaved in school and the teachers were always punishing him which put him off school and was counter-productive. What worked for him was rewarding good behaviour but ultimately the best thing we did was send him to a different school. The new teachers liked him and didn't expect him to behave badly. He responded to the positive treatment and 4 years later his behaviour is great, in and out of school.

Rtft

Burying your head in the sand comes to mind here. Why did you stay and eavesdrop and then slip quietly away. If you thought it was ok to stay and listen you really should have said something at the time. Sounds a bit like this is what you are doing with your son also. You really need to wake up and realise that he is not an angel and you need to get some sort of control of the situation now while he is 8. If not by the time he is 18 you will have no chance. Consistency is what I would advise. No means no being the main thing

This sounds very frustrating for both you and the teacher.

I'm guessing it's been going on for some time?

If it has then perhaps you should call a meeting with the teacher to discuss strategies to prevent this behaviour.

Clearly the current strategies aren't working.

Behaviour is communication - something is going on here that needs to be gotten to the root of.

Teachers are overworked, stressed and bogged down with stupid government targets so it makes their life even harder in what is basically a room of 30+ cats on LSD (I say that affectionately, I like children) each with their own little quirks and personalities desperately trying to herd them all in the same direction.

Your son sound very impulsive, a very black and white thinker and unable to tune out external stimulation (possibly)

Have you asked to speak with the SENCO?

Having read OPs last post, and although I know she won't be back, I'd still like to shake a couple of virtual pom-poms for her!

Great way forward - I really hope it all works out for you

However, I actually don't think the teacher is handling it terribly well either - what she is effectively doing is helping turn him into the class scapegoat.

Your son act out, she screeches at him - catch 22 situation.

A different approach from her (and you) is needed.

Good for you OP

I think the teacher will benefit in the long run if you let the Head and the teacher know what you heard. I have been disciplined as a teacher in the past and learnt from my mistake.
I also think that both you and the teacher and the children involved (and parents) all need to feel that the issue that caused all the difficulty is being addressed and that you do not draw a line under it until you do - a journey for all to take.perhaps a bit of 'conflict resolution' or something like it?
I would hope your son is listened to (empathetically) and helped to find more appropriate ways of managing his feelings meanwhile. The bottom line is how we offer pupils better choices rather than think discipline is the solution.

Read the OP's update

Read the OP's update

Read the OP's update

Read the OP's update

Read the OP's update

Can I suggest you read the school's behaviour policy, they must have one and it should be on their website. Make an appointment with the head and ask whether they are using the policy in respect of your son. You should also, (calmly), tell the head about the conversation you heard

I agree with this.

Lots of different views on here (I suspect the parents of the kids who won't say boo to a goose are reacting one way and the parents of kids who've been erm challenging in another!).

And no I've never called my son a little sh*t because he isn't, even when he behaves badly. I may have called him a lazy sod to his face.

My son is same age and similar issues. I would write letter to head stating your observations and concerns which are very valid. Every child matters, and something is obviously causing this behaviour, you need help in understanding what. Ask school for further assistance regarding managing your sons behaviour at school and identifying the root cause. My son now has weekly visits from educational psychologist and is undergoing various tests. Early indicators are that my son has Aspergers with underlying ADHD. This could explain my sons outbursts, impulsiveness and on occasion inappropriate behaviour. The process has and still is very lengthy and complicated. I have seen dramatic improvement in the way staff at school are treating my son due to the external involvement. I now feel he is protected and somewhat better understood. You need to be persistent with asking for help to resolve this situation. Best wishes and keep your spirits up.