To be furious with this teacher.

[AlarmBells]

Sorry this is a bit long but I need a rant!

So, but of background, ds who's 8 has had a difficult relationship with school. We've been in a few times to talk about behaviour. (Attitude, talking back, arguing in class)

Every time we've been in I've tried my best to be supportive. I don't agree with punishing children twice for offenses, but I have a stern talk with him when we get home and we talk about what's triggering it, and how me and the teacher can help him.

We were called in again today, another frustrating session. Apparently DS swore and shouted at a boy in class, who (and the teacher admitted it) had been annoying him by sticking his tongue out and making noises at him.

She says he'she's often rude and talks back consistently...he says the other kids in class are always annoying him. I asked what was being done about that and teacher smiled patronisingly, rolled her eyes and said she's had a word with the parents and the children. She then turned to DS and said 'we are talking about YOUR behaviour though' with another smirk.

Anyway, we left, I again promised to talk to DS when home. She saw us to the door. However when she turned back I realised we'd forgotten his book bag, so I caught door as it was closing and nipped back in (DS stayed outside).

I was just outside the class room and heard this exchange.

' Do you have a brick wall I can bag my head against'
'Is it xxxxx again?'
'Oh God, he's just so rude! And his mum thinks he sh*ts gold, that's the problem! He just gets home and whines to mummy he's being picked on and she laps up every word! Funny how he only does that when he gets a bollocking. Little shit'
'What are you going to do?'
'She sounds like she's making screechy sound from psycho, they laugh'.

I quickly and quietly get out, but I'm still fuming. Totally unprofessional, yes? I know they thought I was out the building, but still. I now know a few things:

1. She has talked about my son like this before.
   
2. she refers to children as 'little shits'
   
3. She is completely two faced
   
4. she has no regards for ds's feelings during all this.
   
   What's my next move? Feeling distraught. May email head tonight/ tommorow morning.

[PPie10]

You don't believe in 'punishing twice'. Ok says a lot really.

[LittleNelle]

It was a private conversation that you shouldn't have heard.

At least you know now how your DS's behaviour is pushing the teacher to her limits and she isn't finding you very supportive.

[Catsize]

During your stern talks, have you found out what is triggering it?

[ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay]

She sounds frustrated beyond belief, unsurprisingly as it does seem you think he is blameless.

[TheWitTank]

Personally, I wouldn't have left. I would have calmly spoken up and admitted that I had overheard their conversation and that you would like a meeting to try and resolve any issues you have and how to move on successfully from this point. I can see her point to a degree -who doesn't have a bitch and moan about their work when they think they are speaking privately? I know I do. It wasn't professional, but she is human and I can see how his swearing and bad behaviour are frustrating to her and disruptive to the class.

[CalleighDoodle]

If it has got to the point where the teacher feels it is necessary to actually get you in to school, then your child's behaviour is very poor. Seriously. She feels like she is banging her head against a brick wall because she is. Because you dont believe in punishing a child twice, which translates as not supporting the school with addressing his behaviour. Parents who do not reinforce expectations of the school end up with year 11 children who are lazy, failing and with parents who 'just dont know what to do!'

the other children annoy him? Take an objective look at that statement.

everytime we have been in might need a long look too.

Your child is rude, dusrupting the learning of the rest of the class and now swearing at another child. At 8.

clearly just having a talk to your rude, dusruptive poorly behaved child isnt working as you keep having to go in to discuss his behavioir and his behaviour is so poor he is known to other staff for it.

What do you think you could do at home to reinforce to your child in an effective way that might make him think twice about being so disruptive and rude again

[Eeeek686]

Oh God what an absolute nightmare scenario!! How awful you had to hear this!

However, i personally think Yabu, sorry.

It does sound like she has a point about your DS and your refusal to take his apparent attitude problem seriously... "Talking through" as the only consequence for flagrant disrespect for teachers (and therefore the school) - swearing, answering back, etc - would definitely suggest that teachers understanding of the situation is correct, IMO. And I say this as a former disruptive little shit child with behavioural issues whose parents downplayed it - if he doesn't learn to play the game now or will get into a downward spiral and his education Will suffer.

Calling your child a little shit is absolutely not on, though, although as it was said "in private" and you were for all intents and purposes, eavesdropping, I don't think much would happen of it to be honest... I mean, did you actually See who said it, or just heard? Maybe an apology and a promise to have a word & a massive rollicking in private but nothing more....

Please come down on your son and stop making excuses for him, he'll be the only loser from basically not being taught to have respect.

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

It sounds like she was venting in a private space with a colleague. You invaded that space (were you supposed to be in there without anyone knowing, we have to sign in and out at our school for fire safety) so that puts you on the back foot a little. Not nice to hear though I am sure.

I would personally be more concerned that I was raising my DS to be such a dislikeable child... It might be worth thinking over whether there's any truth in their words, however much it hurts.

[FoodieToo]

That's horrible for you to hear OP. But as a teacher myself I can see the teacher's point of view.
I wouldn't complain to the school. As someone said you overheard a private conversation. However unprofessional it is, teachers do vent like this sometimes.
Instead channel your energy where it is needed- dealing with your son's behaviour . You're doing him no favours going in and will be causing a huge amount of trouble.

[AllThingsNautical]

You aren't doing your son any favours, OP, you really aren't. He does need to take responsibility for his own behaviour - kids do wind each other up but swearing and being rude to the teacher isn't an acceptable response. Blaming the other children for his behaviour will not help him in the long run. It really, really won't.

If you have a consequence at home beyond a 'stern talk', you will probably resolve his behaviour problems and stand him in much better stead for his future years in education. Encourage him to blame everyone else for his own behaviour and you are setting him up for many, many more problems.

Teachers are allowed to have private conversations and speak to their friends in an unprofessional manner. You weren't supposed to hear.

[SilverBirchWithout]

It sounds like she's at the end of her tether and you are one of those mothers.

You overheard a private conversation, the content of which has cause you understandable shock. Before you do anything reflect on the content of what was said, you are not doing your DS any favours by not reinforcing the consequences of bad behaviour at school.

[BedTimeNow]

I understand it isn't nice to hear someone speaking about your DS like that, but I do think you need to do more than keep having stern talks.

Maybe if he was punished at home with less T.V or something he likes he might start behaving a bit better at school.

[ImNotThatGirl]

I do think you need to address your son's behaviour but I'd be furious with her attitude. There will be plenty of people falling over themselves to say she as justified but she wasn't. She was stupid to whinge about him where she did.

[echt]

It was private conversation.

You eavesdropped.

[Ringadingdingdong22]

Not nice to hear about your child and I understand how you would feel defensive. I probably would too. However it does sound like your Ds's behaviour is not great. She's only human.

[bigbuttons]

IT was a private conversation. Teachers have feelings. Stop excusing your son's behaviour and deal with it properly. You and your ds both sound like a nightmare.

[RuckingMarvellous]

It's your sons behaviour I would be addressing, not the teachers.

[pearlylum]

alarmbell- you were eavesdropping.

Do you think writing to the head is going to improve this situation?
Take time to think things through.

[Buckinbronco]

I think you're using this as a reason to deflect blame from your DS, sorry. I can understand why- dealing with the teacher is going to be a million times easier than dealing with him. But focus on the important stuff

[echt]

She was stupid to whinge about him where she did.


Teachers, eh? Whinge?

[Obs2016]

Goodness. I am very shocked by the responses.
On another day, you'd get that this was a disgusting way to talk about a pupil.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Yeah right

[Tanith]

Instead of making the teacher aware you could hear her, you deliberately listened to her private conversation.

It's often said that an eavesdropper rarely hears good about themselves and there's a reason for that.
Personally, I'd be too ashamed and embarrassed to complain.

[teacher54321]

Oh god as a teacher this is my worst nightmare.

[iMatter]

It was a private conversation.