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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that something is going on

258 replies

DoorMat1010 · 02/05/2016 22:40

Backstory - DH and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2. Have a 3yo DC and living together since 9m into the relationship.
Since moving in together he's always preferred to stay home with me, or enjoy time with me - Up a few months ago.

Sex life has been lacking for a while, due to my medical problems but last few days have been good in that regard.

He works full time and every weekend (1 or 2 days off a week depending on the week) and gets home shortly before DC goes to bed (usually 15 mins sometimes not at all)

He wakes at 7:45am and leaves for work at 8:20am and barely spends time with DC or myself. Recently he's asked me to reduce my already limited hours at work, he's started going out more in the evening after he spends 20 minutes with DC tonight told me he'd be back for 8pm, only got home at 9:30pm).

If I go out (I work shifts - so often I'm out late when working) I get a barrage of messages asking me when I'm going to be home, my last shift in the space of 2 hours I had 26 messages and 2 calls. Even if I nip out and leave DC with him, for 30mins. I'll get messages and phone calls asking me how long I'll be and such like. But if I message him more than once just to see how he's getting on and if he's ok, snaps at me asking me "why can't I go out, and do things, I work all the time, can't I do something for me?".

I actively encouraged him to go out and have fun but is it too much to ask that I feel 4/5 nights a week I'm alone when DC is in bed because he's swanned off somewhere?.

I do everything for DC and him. Rarely get a thank you, or acknowledgement from him. (I love doing things for with my DC and obviously do not begrudge for this. DC is my bloody world!)

He's ALWAYS on his phone texting or such but when I message, it's difficult to get a response back (only over the last few weeks). I can't get hold of his phone as he has always got it on him. Always. Even when he goes for a shower, he takes it in the bathroom. And the 20ish minutes he spends with DC, he's still on his phone.

Snappy and bad tempered very often towards me unless he thinks I'm going to have sex with him.

Tried to talk to him about something that had really upset me, and wanted his advice. And he walked out of the room, saying he needed to do something but just to shout to him whilst he was doing it.

I don't think he's having an affair but something doesn't feel right.

Before anyone asks, DC is DH's, we were ttc and he told me he wanted to be a father.

Not prepared for a flaming.

OP posts:
BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 03/05/2016 21:42

Does it drive you mad moistly? It does me. I frequently say "why have you got your phone out?" It's never anything that can't wait!

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 03/05/2016 21:47

I hope all went well at the doctors OP. FWIW I think you DH's behaviour has triggered the feelings you might have Bipolar depression.
Being controlled and gas lighted can make you question your sanity.

TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat · 03/05/2016 21:48

What Feral said. You cracked the password?

Moistly · 03/05/2016 21:49

It's a habit, isn't it? Perhaps even a comforter Confused
When out some people immediately whip out their phone when their friend goes to the loo or something - they can't seem to just sit there. Maybe it's cos I'm not on fb or anything but I just don't feel the need?
Dh sometimes uses his phone for his job so the password/putting it in pocket a lot comes from that.
I have a brother in law exactly the same! Hmm

Moistly · 03/05/2016 21:50

Sorry I went off on one there Blush

KoalaDownUnder · 03/05/2016 21:58

This is not adding up. He's stayed at home now?

dilys4trevor · 03/05/2016 22:07

I think the point is that the excessive phone use is NEW

NotQuiteJustYet · 03/05/2016 22:10

Door good luck for tomorrow. Flowers

I have to say phones are not a red flag in my marriage either. DH and I are techy people, he works in the industry and I'm putting myself through a degree to be able to move into it. It's part and parcel of being constantly connected to a digital world now.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 03/05/2016 22:22

This isn't adding up. You nipped home?? Why?? you have a pregnancy test that takes what 2 minutes to see if you are pregnant. What happened at the docs OP, you were concerned you might have Bipolar.
Sounds like I'm having a pop, I just cant fathom it out.

Griphook · 03/05/2016 22:34

Does he have an I phone? There's a tracking system on them that most people don't know about. You can see where he goes

Paddingtonthebear · 03/05/2016 22:52

This all sounds rather odd Hmm

YoureSoSlyButSoAmI · 03/05/2016 22:55

Affair. Defo.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 03/05/2016 22:56

Bollox deffo

WellErrr · 03/05/2016 22:57

How did you work out his password?

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 03/05/2016 23:00

Anyones guess Well

missbishi · 03/05/2016 23:08

Sorry but I have to ask....either you were TTC or having unprotected sex with his man. Why?

Moistly · 03/05/2016 23:43

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Moistly · 03/05/2016 23:43

Threads, rather.

gingergenie · 03/05/2016 23:48

Moistly I wondered the same about this actually? Hmm

AdrenalineFudge · 03/05/2016 23:54

You went back to yours, found him asleep, guessed the password for his phone and left again and you have a pregnancy test in your pocket?

Am I following correctly?

AnyFucker · 04/05/2016 00:03

Just report it, folks

DailyMailThicko · 04/05/2016 00:13
Shock
FeralBeryl · 04/05/2016 00:16

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DoorMat1010 · 04/05/2016 06:44

I fell asleep! Jesus!

Can't believe people think I'm a unicorn because I fell asleep. I've been placed on new medication and one of the side effects is making the user sleepy feels like being wiped out!

I'm not pregnant, thank goodness. I had a test on me, that's what I went to the house for. We were not TTC, it was a drunken fumbling a couple of weeks ago. And his password was 0000! The phone didn't appear to be wiped but I don't know tbh.

OP posts:
DoorMat1010 · 04/05/2016 06:56

Also, I arrived home at 6:30am, he heard us and took out bags and asked me if I would like to go back to bed while he plays with DC.

That is unheard of. I never once have experienced this. So currently in bed while he does breakfasts and wash/dress!

OP posts:
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