Backstory - DH and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2. Have a 3yo DC and living together since 9m into the relationship.
Since moving in together he's always preferred to stay home with me, or enjoy time with me - Up a few months ago.
Sex life has been lacking for a while, due to my medical problems but last few days have been good in that regard.
He works full time and every weekend (1 or 2 days off a week depending on the week) and gets home shortly before DC goes to bed (usually 15 mins sometimes not at all)
He wakes at 7:45am and leaves for work at 8:20am and barely spends time with DC or myself. Recently he's asked me to reduce my already limited hours at work, he's started going out more in the evening after he spends 20 minutes with DC tonight told me he'd be back for 8pm, only got home at 9:30pm).
If I go out (I work shifts - so often I'm out late when working) I get a barrage of messages asking me when I'm going to be home, my last shift in the space of 2 hours I had 26 messages and 2 calls. Even if I nip out and leave DC with him, for 30mins. I'll get messages and phone calls asking me how long I'll be and such like. But if I message him more than once just to see how he's getting on and if he's ok, snaps at me asking me "why can't I go out, and do things, I work all the time, can't I do something for me?".
I actively encouraged him to go out and have fun but is it too much to ask that I feel 4/5 nights a week I'm alone when DC is in bed because he's swanned off somewhere?.
I do everything for DC and him. Rarely get a thank you, or acknowledgement from him. (I love doing things for with my DC and obviously do not begrudge for this. DC is my bloody world!)
He's ALWAYS on his phone texting or such but when I message, it's difficult to get a response back (only over the last few weeks). I can't get hold of his phone as he has always got it on him. Always. Even when he goes for a shower, he takes it in the bathroom. And the 20ish minutes he spends with DC, he's still on his phone.
Snappy and bad tempered very often towards me unless he thinks I'm going to have sex with him.
Tried to talk to him about something that had really upset me, and wanted his advice. And he walked out of the room, saying he needed to do something but just to shout to him whilst he was doing it.
I don't think he's having an affair but something doesn't feel right.
Before anyone asks, DC is DH's, we were ttc and he told me he wanted to be a father.
Not prepared for a flaming.
AIBU?
To think that something is going on
DoorMat1010 · 02/05/2016 22:40
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
A few things:
An earlier poster said "alarm bells" re the OPs DH having a password - that's basic security sense, not a cause for concern, surely?
But the biggest thing for me that stood out (weirdly) is the fact he takes his car to the pub night after night but doesn't drink?
I smell shite RIGHT THERE.
Finally, as earlier posters have said you do sound like you're on the receiving end of an emotionally bullying partner.
As much as I hate to say it the signs are all there:
- excessive phone use
- avoidance of the family home
- disconnection from the family when he is there
- glued to phone (should he potentially get an incriminating message alert should it be left alone??)
- weird social behaviours (pub/no drinking)
- and finally the biggest of all, massively projecting shady behaviours onto you
The last one in isolation would be enough for me to be on red alert.
I'm sorry
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.