To think that something is going on

[DoorMat1010]

Backstory - DH and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2. Have a 3yo DC and living together since 9m into the relationship.
Since moving in together he's always preferred to stay home with me, or enjoy time with me - Up a few months ago.

Sex life has been lacking for a while, due to my medical problems but last few days have been good in that regard.

He works full time and every weekend (1 or 2 days off a week depending on the week) and gets home shortly before DC goes to bed (usually 15 mins sometimes not at all)

He wakes at 7:45am and leaves for work at 8:20am and barely spends time with DC or myself. Recently he's asked me to reduce my already limited hours at work, he's started going out more in the evening after he spends 20 minutes with DC tonight told me he'd be back for 8pm, only got home at 9:30pm).

If I go out (I work shifts - so often I'm out late when working) I get a barrage of messages asking me when I'm going to be home, my last shift in the space of 2 hours I had 26 messages and 2 calls. Even if I nip out and leave DC with him, for 30mins. I'll get messages and phone calls asking me how long I'll be and such like. But if I message him more than once just to see how he's getting on and if he's ok, snaps at me asking me "why can't I go out, and do things, I work all the time, can't I do something for me?".

I actively encouraged him to go out and have fun but is it too much to ask that I feel 4/5 nights a week I'm alone when DC is in bed because he's swanned off somewhere?.

I do everything for DC and him. Rarely get a thank you, or acknowledgement from him. (I love doing things for with my DC and obviously do not begrudge for this. DC is my bloody world!)

He's ALWAYS on his phone texting or such but when I message, it's difficult to get a response back (only over the last few weeks). I can't get hold of his phone as he has always got it on him. Always. Even when he goes for a shower, he takes it in the bathroom. And the 20ish minutes he spends with DC, he's still on his phone.

Snappy and bad tempered very often towards me unless he thinks I'm going to have sex with him.

Tried to talk to him about something that had really upset me, and wanted his advice. And he walked out of the room, saying he needed to do something but just to shout to him whilst he was doing it.

I don't think he's having an affair but something doesn't feel right.

Before anyone asks, DC is DH's, we were ttc and he told me he wanted to be a father.

Not prepared for a flaming.

[PirateFairy45]

Hi mummyto2monkeys

I'm feeling ok today, DD is in nursery this morning so I'm gonna give the house a huge spring clean! Slowly though as I have a very sore tummy!

He's coming round again before work, should get here for 7am. He's staying at my parents home. But he's also asked my father to watch DD so I can go out with him to the pub tonight .

[CocktailQueen]

Why is he staying at your parents' home? Thought your dad was unwell and your mum working, and you didn't want to worry them??

[PirateFairy45]

She is and he is. They leave near by and we spoke to them about needing a break from one another for a while. So my dad offered him to stay in the spare room.

They don't know the extent of the problem, just the tip of the iceberg.

Least it show he's not got some soar woman on the side? I hope?.

Oh and by the time we leave, DD will be tucked in bed and won't be up till morning so he's just coming round to watch GoT on my sky.

[PirateFairy45]

She's 3, just because she'll be asleep doesn't mean she doesn't need someone to ensure she's safe :)

[Skittlesss]

I don't think anyone thinks you should leave your 3 year old alone, they're just questioning some very odd decisions.

[PirateFairy45]

Odd? Ok

Either way. My OP has been answered now.

[Feelingsolow12345]

beyourself my DP is the same. always has his phone on him. on the toilet he has it, watching TV/film with me he's on it, just got in from work he's on it but he's not cheating he's just reading a load of rubbish. what he reads on his phone he reads online too. I have open access to his phone, he doesn't have time to delete them if he was up to anything. I don't get why people just jump to the fact he's having an affair (ok in some cases that was the case) but not to all.

I hope he realises what he's lost with his behaviour .

[AugustaFinkNottle]

What does he claim he's doing when he goes out in the evenings? And does he say why he doesn't want to spend evenings at home?

[ollieplimsoles]

I agree, all this chopping and changing from him doesn't mean anything, he will just always slip back to being and asshole. He knows you're suspicious now so if there is an ow he will be even more careful about hiding it.

Are you calling it a day with him op?

[TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece]

Why does he get to decide that you'll go to the pub with him? Is it so you can have a big talk, or just playing happy couples?
You have still no answer as to what he's doing in the evening or why he thinks it's ok to do that. His ow, if she exists, may also be attached so not available for him to stay with!
Hope you get the answers you want tonight.

[sepa]

How did your evening out go OP? Did the bar staff seem to know him and know what drink he would want? I work in a pub and know what our regulars drink as do other members of staff so that should indicate if he has been going to the pub in the evenings

[TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece]

Sadly I suspect his feet are back under the table again.

[PirateFairy45]

They would be if he was here. Yet again he's taken off. He finished work at 4pm, and promised he'd be home by 6:30pm at the latest.

It's now just gone 7:30pm ad he's still not back.

[TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece]

Oh OP, I thought you were throwing him out and changing the locks?
What did he say to make it all ok?
You can start making plans you know if you don't want to leave all at once. Where is he tonight?

[DontMindMe1]

when are you going to wake up and realise he's just humouring you with scraps?

he has no intention of changing. he has no intention of discussing this with you no matter what you promised each other during your honeymoon phase - you really think he wants others to know that HE cheated and was a scumbag who didn't want to spend time with his own child?

i bet he just carries on with the "you" are the "problem" line. Remind him he chose to be a father and if he won't take that seriously then he can fuck off to wherever he goes whenever he's avoiding his family.

[PirateFairy45]

I was but he promised things would change. I have a plan of action now though.

And yes he's still out. 2 hours after he promised he'd be back.

My dad fished out there was something wrong and coaxed it out of me. He's now very angry with him but I've asked him not to say anything. I'll deal with it.

It's clear he has no respect for me.

Unless he's been in an accident, there's no excuse for this.

[DontMindMe1]

if he'd been in an accident the hospital or police would have contacted you by now.

he's just an ignorant dick who thinks he's got you under his control.

i'd be texting him and telling him not to bother coming back at all unless it's to pack a bag.

[PirateFairy45]

I've gone to bed to watch tv on iPad. If he kisses me when he gets in, I may feign being asleep and accidentally head butt him.

[PirateFairy45]

Still out. Now 3 hours later than he promised. And 5 and half hours after finishing work.

I don't know if I should be worried or angry.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

Angry, I think. Then detach.

I would put money on there being an OW. Sorry.

[StealthPolarBear]

Is his phone going straight to answerphone? Just ringing without answer?

[2ManySweets]

I'd make plans to terminate this relationship, I'm sorry.

It's OW or at best (ahem) an intrinsic disregard for his role as dad and husband.

Either way, he needs to leave. Either temporarily or for longer.

[PirateFairy45]

He didn't come in the bedroom at all. He sent me a text... "Hey babe, I'm home a teensy tiny bit late and deserve to be shouted at" then other crap about WHEN he gets up, he'll take DD and I can do what I want to.

I woke him before half 6, after watching GoT without him, and told him to "Get up, I'm going out. Time to be a parent".

And he had the cheek to ask me where I'm going and how long I'll be.

[gamerchick]

So absolutely nothing has changed since your first post?

[EponasWildDaughter]

I wouldn't have let this go on so long myself, however at this stage I'd just tell him i think he's shagging someone else and that it's over and he needs to get out.

If he wants to prove otherwise and fight to be with you OP then he can try and you can re-think in a couple of months based on his efforts. But he'd have to make a bloody good show of it. And there'd be no sleeping and my mum and dads either!