To think that something is going on

[DoorMat1010]

Backstory - DH and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2. Have a 3yo DC and living together since 9m into the relationship.
Since moving in together he's always preferred to stay home with me, or enjoy time with me - Up a few months ago.

Sex life has been lacking for a while, due to my medical problems but last few days have been good in that regard.

He works full time and every weekend (1 or 2 days off a week depending on the week) and gets home shortly before DC goes to bed (usually 15 mins sometimes not at all)

He wakes at 7:45am and leaves for work at 8:20am and barely spends time with DC or myself. Recently he's asked me to reduce my already limited hours at work, he's started going out more in the evening after he spends 20 minutes with DC tonight told me he'd be back for 8pm, only got home at 9:30pm).

If I go out (I work shifts - so often I'm out late when working) I get a barrage of messages asking me when I'm going to be home, my last shift in the space of 2 hours I had 26 messages and 2 calls. Even if I nip out and leave DC with him, for 30mins. I'll get messages and phone calls asking me how long I'll be and such like. But if I message him more than once just to see how he's getting on and if he's ok, snaps at me asking me "why can't I go out, and do things, I work all the time, can't I do something for me?".

I actively encouraged him to go out and have fun but is it too much to ask that I feel 4/5 nights a week I'm alone when DC is in bed because he's swanned off somewhere?.

I do everything for DC and him. Rarely get a thank you, or acknowledgement from him. (I love doing things for with my DC and obviously do not begrudge for this. DC is my bloody world!)

He's ALWAYS on his phone texting or such but when I message, it's difficult to get a response back (only over the last few weeks). I can't get hold of his phone as he has always got it on him. Always. Even when he goes for a shower, he takes it in the bathroom. And the 20ish minutes he spends with DC, he's still on his phone.

Snappy and bad tempered very often towards me unless he thinks I'm going to have sex with him.

Tried to talk to him about something that had really upset me, and wanted his advice. And he walked out of the room, saying he needed to do something but just to shout to him whilst he was doing it.

I don't think he's having an affair but something doesn't feel right.

Before anyone asks, DC is DH's, we were ttc and he told me he wanted to be a father.

Not prepared for a flaming.

[dilys4trevor]

Mummyto2monkeys, definitely not humiliating for your friend.

No one would think that was anything but despicable.

[dilys4trevor]

Fidelia, my H on the evening I found out (but he was making out it had just been a bit of drunken slap and tickle) suggested i resign the next day and become a sahm?! This was something I had planned in the long term, yes, but the stupidity of that! I actually laughed

[ImperialBlether]

I am seething at the behaviour of some of these men!

[Skittlesss]

Aww OP, I was sad to see your update after the letter :( big hugs to you and your DC. Try not to worry too much about the pg test, just take it as it comes tmw, but for tonight snuggle up with your DC and look after yourself. Things will work out, whether you stay with your OH or not xxx

[AdrenalineFudge]

I'm so sorry you're going through this but reducing your hours and becoming even further dependant on him will really ramp up the abuse. It's such a tired and worn out story.

[AnotherPrickInTheWall]

When did you write the letter op? A lot has happened in a very short space of time.

[AnotherPrickInTheWall]

I think you should turn your phone off tonight or he will be checking up on you every couple of minutes just to make sure you will not return home unexpectedly.

[UptownFunk00]

Oh OP I'm sorry how he's treating you.

He's a classic controller and you both (you and DC) deserve better.

Are your parents supportive?

We are here to listen when you need it.

[thatorchidmoment]

I agree. Turn off your phone and get as much rest as possible. Sounds like a big day tomorrow.

[fraggle84]

You sound really strong, hope you have some support

[DoorMat1010]

I've 'muted' his number so he can't contact me. DC is fast asleep and left with M&D whilst I nipped home as I'd forgotten something.

He was asleep on sofa so I looked at his phone. Nothing suspicious at all.

Thanks everyone.

Hoping I'm not pregnant but got test with me and will test tomorrow!

[EvansAndThePrince]

Was there anything at all on the phone? As in had it been wiped?

[LiquoriceAllsorts86]

So you leave the house and he finally stays home?

[Windsofwinter]

I'm more inclined to think gambling problem rather than affair, is there anything that would suggest this is a possibility OP?

[sepa]

So he isn't going out tonight? Something strange there after he goes out when you are there..

Have you been TTC?

[FeralBeryl]

So you worked his password out then?

[P1nkP0ppy]

I'm afraid........

[BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn]

I wouldn't go with affair for always having a phone with you. My DH is never parted from the bloody thing and is constantly on it, drives me mad, it's always football, news or other crap. He frequently bores me reads out what he is looking at. He takes it in the toilet as he's playing games and takes forever on there. It's always in his pocket too unless it's charging and it has a password, as does mine. Kids know how to work these things now! I know for a fact DH isn't cheating. Being attached to a phone does not always mean affair and I think it's ridiculous that posters insist on saying this. They aren't there and they don't know, their experience does not equal everyone else's experience.

[Moistly]

Why do the test tomorrow if you have it now? If it was me I wouldn't be able to wait

[Moistly]

BeYourself I have a Dh exactly the same! In out relationship, the phone usage is not a red flag!

Must emphasise that lots of phone use does not always equal affairs!