To think my sister could at least ask for the day off for my wedding?

[Windsofwinter]

I'm getting married abroad next year. We originally wanted this to be during the May/June half term, but unfortunately these dates were already booked up for the ceremony venue we wanted. We have instead been offered a Saturday at the end of June.

My sister is a primary teacher, and one of my bridesmaids. She is refusing to ask for any time off, despite the fact that she could fly out on Friday and back on Sunday (short haul destination!) so would only need to ask for one day. She's suggested I either opt for the summer holidays or look for an alternative venue that is available in half term, if I want her to come. The reason she won't ask is because she doesn't think her head will approve it anyway, so "what's the point". I'm upset and angry, but don't know if I'm blinded by wedding emotion! Keen to avoid a family fall-out, AIBU?

[maddy68]

Other teachers at my school have asked for a day off fir this very reason and its been denied so that's probably why she won't ask. If that's their policy then that's that. If you really want her there you need to arrange it in the school holidays sorry

[BitOutOfPractice]

WHY CANT SHE FLY / TRAVEL ON FRIDAY NIGHT?!?!?!

Yes, I'm shouting.

[EweAreHere]

YABU.

And I would ask if I was your sister either.

[PonderingProsecco]

I think the fact that we are talking a years notice might make a difference!
And, maybe not a full day needed....

[Windsofwinter]

If she'd asked and was not allowed then yes, I would look at changing the venue. No deposits have been paid, the date is just reserved. But she doesn't actually know that she can't make it. Quite a few of our other guests, including my brother, are only flying out Friday-Sunday so it's not like she's the only one missing out on the whole week.

[LyndaNotLinda]

If you want people at your wedding, then you find a date they can make and then you find your venue.

If your venue is more important to you than the guests, do it the other way round.

However, I suspect in years to come, it will be the people who were there celebrating with you who stick in your mind

[Windsofwinter]

The flight is on Friday morning unfortunately

[LyndaNotLinda]

But if it's shorthaul, can't she go Friday night and not take time off work?

[FuckSanta]

Yabu. My dh is a TA so not even a teacher and he was only allowed a days unpaid leave because he was the groom. A teacher and not her own wedding? No go Im afraid

Used to be the per way around. Teachers/school staff were expected to organise their own weddings in school holidays but couldn't be held responsible for the arrangements of others and would get time off unpaid.

[LIZS]

Agree yabu. If you really want her there you'd arrange it for a time she could be there without expecting her to take time out of term time. She may have discovered since saying she thought it might be possible that others have had similar refused or it clashes with something she needs to be there for. Or she may have thought it unlikely she would need to ask as you'd fit it into school holidays, so just said it to keep the peace. It sounds as if you have gone ahead and booked regardless.

[Windsofwinter]

It's Italy, so although not a long flight they aren't as frequent as, say, Spain.

[LyndaNotLinda]

Teachers get 12 weeks of holiday a year. It is expected that's when they take their holiday.

Much as you can't take summer off because it's your busiest time, your sister can't take term time off because it's her busiest time. I really don't understand how you can fail to see that unless you're being willfully dim.

[Twasthecatthatdidit]

It's a good point that if op changes the dates for the sister, it makes it more expensive for everyone else. I think YANBU.

[Kidnapped]

But doable. Even if she has to dash to a non-local airport after school.

[TimeToMuskUp]

I work in a reception class and would absolutely not be given time off for a wedding. My HT is lovely, and has given me time off for DS1's CAMHS appointments (which are totally different, really) and is as flexible and accommodating as she can be towards staff and their personal lives. But still, no, not for weddings.

[LIZS]

Depends where in Italy surely.

[WombatStewForTea]

Yabu. My dh is a TA so not even a teacher and he was only allowed a days unpaid leave because he was the groom. A teacher and not her own wedding? No go Im afraid

Why on earth would someone working in a school book their wedding in school time?! That is a complete piss take. We get enough holidays ffs!
My head is really good. I had a day unpaid leave on the last day of term to fly out to a wedding abroad and I had a day off paid to attend my dad's midweek wedding. It all depends on what the head is like. I panicked for a week before even asking my head for a day off and I knew she'd granted it for other people before so I do know why your sister will feel reluctant to ask.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

blindsider
"It's Teachers being holier than thou as they have the 'future of the nation' in their hands."

There is the hate that we have all come to expect.

[Trills]

The extra information that you gave later on makes you MUCH less unreasonable than your OP suggests.

1 - you are getting married in DP's home country, not just doing it abroad for fun
2 - she said that it might be possible to get a day off work when you were booking - she did not say it was impossible.

[whatamess0815]

... some people on here apparently have never been on a plane. lots of destinations (even short haul) don't offer multiple flights a day. and then one has to get to the airport well in advance, DS may also have not live that close to an airport. it usually isn't that simple as taking a flight after work

[Witchend]

I suspect she the Op says she said she could get one day off it was probably much more doubtful than that.
Along the lines "well, if you really can't, I might be able to ask..."

And since then she's either made informal inquiries or someone else has been refused a similar request and knows not a chance. No point in asking if you know it's going to be refused, it only reflects negatively on you.

[teacherlikesapples]

I couldn't even get leave approved to have my own wedding out of term time. YABU.

[coffeemachine]

OP, YANBU for planning to get married abroad (did it myself). However, YABU for your D sis to attend. getting married s few flight hours away usually means that not everybody you would want there can attend. I used to work in a school and I know out HT would have never authorized it. I would just move on. accept that your sister cannot come. maybe you can have a party later on when you are back. I bet she isn't the only one who misses out due to the destination?

[chickenowner]

Your sister is not being unreasonable. Teachers have brilliant holidays but are not allowed to take off any other days except for something like a funeral of a close family member such as a parent.

If I was your sister (I am a teacher) I also wouldn't want to ask my HT for a day off. I would be worried that I would look unprofessional and a bit silly to even ask.

[SoupDragon]

Iwork for a company in the agricultural industry and can't take holiday between mid July-30th September because harvest is our busiest time

Surely you "could at least ask"... Or does that only apply to other people with restricted holiday times?