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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DD4 has just outed me - What have your DC said or done that made you want a black hole to swallow you up?

298 replies

SweetAngels · 29/04/2016 17:17

Was shopping with my DD4 this morning, decided to stop by a cafe for lunch and drop her straight to nursery after - ordered food and drinks. I asked for a cappuccino with soya milk as I have a dairy intolerance.

I am convinced that the lady used normal milk as within 30min I needed the loo badly (sorry tmi I know) 😳😳😳 so had to stop by the house to use the bathroom. This kind of scenario has happened a few times before when eating out and it gets my goat in a big way

We were 30min late for nursery and as we walked in one of the ladies asked DD if she was OK as she was in late, to which DD casually replied we're only ever late when mummy has to go home for a poo 😱😱😱😳😳😳

I was absolutely mortified - I wanted the ground to swallow me up and I did the decent thing and asked a friend to pick her up this afternoon so I don't have to face them!

So in light of this thought I would ask how any of your little darlings have outed you and how you dealt with it?

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 29/04/2016 20:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

GarlicShake · 29/04/2016 20:49

November, you've just reminded me of a time when my nieces did the same thing. I correctly (I thought) told them, "He's a man with very nice long hair," upon which they chorused "Do you fancy him, Aunty Garlic? You love him! You want to have sex with him! Because you like his hair."

Little ... darlings! Luckily, the owner of the nice hair was even more embarrassed than me. The taunting didn't stop after he'd sidled away, though. They thought themselves so clever, they told everyone on the way home I wanted to have sex with the man with long hair!

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 29/04/2016 20:58

A couple of years ago and dd was in a very nice nursery but had started coming home saying a few " choice words " after playing with a new friend.
Mentioned to nursery who said many other parents had complained.
Picked dd up that day and we got the bus home, I asked her how her day was and she shouts in a very loud voice " my head is fucking chocker! " omg.
We're in Liverpool so quite a common phrase ( without the swearing part ) but was so embarrassed that my 3 year old said it Shock

Adnerb95 · 29/04/2016 21:01

DS is red-haired and has always burnt easily in the sun, even with lashings of sun cream. When he was just 4, DH "caught" a small blister on DS's nose with a flannel, when washing his face in the morning before nursery. Later that day, we answered the door to 2 child protection officers! When asked at nursery what the red mark was on his nose, DS had said "daddy did it"!!!

It's alright, we are no longer on the "at risk" register - at least I hope so. 😉

BendyBusBuggy · 29/04/2016 21:01

Not long after DD had started in reception, one of the mums came running after me after school pick up to tell me:"I think you should know your daughter has been telling everyone you've done time in prison ".

Ploppymoodypants · 29/04/2016 21:03

DD3 at a christening. Was a normal Sunday service and the absolutely lovely, kindly, jolly vicar had just stares telling u a story about Jesus. DD gets a bit restless and I tell her to listen to the story. Vicar then announces that holy communion is about to start and talka of drinking the blood of Christ etc. DD pipes up (loudly) 'why are they drinking Jesus' blood mummy' 'that doesn't sound very kind mummy' and then 'oh is it just like when the cat licked the blood out of that baby rabbit?'. Lovely friendly church, most people found it highly entertaining, thankfully.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/04/2016 21:05

I was in a very expensive, very posh dress shop with my then 10 year old DS1, just looking dreaming as the clothes were way out of my budget.

I took a lovely silk summer dress off the rack and held it up to myself. As I did so a frightfully naice-looking saleswoman began to walk over to me. DS1 looked at the price tag and said (very loudly) "OMG Mum, did you see this price? You can't afford this dress!!!". Saleswoman spun on her heel, I replaced the dress, grabbed DS1 and left the shop. Blush

y0rkier0se · 29/04/2016 21:05

These are great Grin when I was 5, my dad went into the back of a lorry which had emergency braked on the A1. Police came and he was asked "did you have anything to drink last night?" And my dad replied just "2 or 3 bottles of beer" and I shouted "no, wine dad, you had 3 bottles of wine". They breathylized him Grin

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

reader108 · 29/04/2016 21:18

When dd was about 3 went into playschool with a black eye. Helper asked her what happened 'Daddy did it'was her response! They'd been on the dodgems she'd fallen on his glasses tucked in the front of his shirt
Can we say Daddy's glasses did it sweetheart!!

Mandzi34 · 29/04/2016 21:20

DS says at lunch at nursery - X's mummy is having a baby. My daddy has a big tummy but he's not having a baby.

Poor DP!

NoTractorsAtTheTable · 29/04/2016 21:29

reader - how many black eyes did your DD have? Shock Grin

StillRabbit · 29/04/2016 21:31

DD is 18 next month so this is a LONG time ago but I'd brought down a basket of dirty washing to put in the machine and the phone had rung so I spent a while talking to my aunt and listening to DD singing to herself.

As I finished the call the doorbell went and it was HV (she used to pop in if she was in the area as she like my cakes and knew that I had no family around). Went through to kitchen to find DD had "helped Mummy" by putting the washing on the aired....all my and DHs grubby stalks were draped in the kitchen 🙀

LostInLost · 29/04/2016 21:33

Snorepatrol I am crying with laughter about your sister and your mum's perm! DH just asked why I was laughing and I tried to explain to him but just laughed even more....

paddypants13 · 29/04/2016 21:34

Nursery nurse to Dd: Where should we go for a walk today little Paddy? The pet shop or the park?

Dd: Pub.

The girls at dd's nursery teased me for ages about that one! Grin

Dd to random woman queuing behind us in the shop: Daddy hit mummy in the face.

(Silence in the shop)

Me: Dd, daddy has never hit me in the face! Blush

(Pay for my shopping and slink out of the shop with everyone giving me the Daily Mail sad face.)

Looking forward to Ds learning to speak!

BolshierAryaStark · 29/04/2016 21:38

Another one, DD & DS play ice-cream shop on the climbing frame at the park
Mummy what flavour ice-cream?
Mmmmm, I'll have mint choc chip
And do you want wine or gin to drink?
Blush ermmm water will be fine thank you
Ffs Hmm

RedOnHerHedd · 29/04/2016 21:44

My (late) grandmother in law had had bypasses and was told not to smoke, but she did secretly (or so she thought) in people's toilets. After buying our house and decorating it (quite expensively) I was worried that she was going to melt our toilet seat like she had done to MIL's. I'd obviously mentioned my worries in front of DS1 who must've been about 4 at the time. When I went to pick her up to come over for tea one evening, DS1 shouted out from the back seat "and no smoking in our bathroom gramma!"

I could've died!!

joeywife · 29/04/2016 21:45

Coming home from holiday once, we came out of the airport and we're heading off to find our car. Sitting outside the terminal was a young hippy type girl - matted dreadlocks, patchwork coat, ragged skirt etc. DS (aged about 3) shouted really loudly: 'Look Mummy, it's a scarecrow'.!! Quickly hurried away......