AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

[BackAche21]

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

"It may not be brain surgery, but if that day makes the difference between his pupils getting one grade or another, it could alter the course of their entire live. It's bloody important."

That is hilariously over the top. I'm not saying his presence wouldn't be missed or that a teacher's role around exam isn't crucial but "alter the course of their entire lives" based on one teaching day?!

I havent read all of the thread (sorry) but can you make an appt for a private allergy test so you can rearrange for a more convenient time. However, this situation has raised the question of what would happen if your son was ill. It would be you who is expected to drop everything if it happens during term time.

NewLife, he's not taking it off so his partner can have an interview. He's requesting it to attend a very important hospital appointment. What if the op's interview had been last wk, she had got the job and started on Monday. Would you say that parents would be pissed off then? What if she was also a teacher or a barrister in the middle of trial?

I feel for the op. I'm a teacher. DH has a very high pressured job. It pays very well but it's not at all family friendly. He is mightily pissed off at me insisting on returning to work as we have 4 kids and no family at all. We didn't need the money at all but I wanted to work. His life and career are massively more difficult now that I've gone back and I know he resents it because my job is inflexible but I also know that he knows he is being unreasonable. The op's DH needs to accept that childcare is a joint responsibility teacher or not.

I'm a paediatric nurse who often carries out these sort of tests
We would certainly let you re book in preference to anyone else taking your son.

We clearly have parents around who don't understand the concept of many variables being at play, NewLife. So it's now going to be the fault of the teacher who was absent for one lesson that a pupil doesn't get the grade they wanted? No wonder kids go off to university unable to cope with the idea of independent learning. If one session before the exam is so crucial, they have not learnt what they need to know properly in the first place.

Reading this thread certainly gives an insight into why teachers want to leave the profession. Who'd want to find that if they have the temerity to get rushed into A&E one day, they'll come back to work to parent complaints that little Johnny will now only get a C in Geography and his life will be ruined, and it's ALL THEIR FAULT?

Did the op ever come back?

I'm not sure why so many people are blaming the husband for the fact that he needs to work? Presumably, given that we have plenty of people on this thread who have worked in school where a request for leave such as this would have been refused, he is in a better position than we are to know the likelihood of being allowed a day off, so surely the most sensible solution is for the two parents to work together to reach a solution.
The OP throwing her toys out of the pram and refusing to get a job because her husband 'only' has 13 weeks a year in which he can be the primary carer (plus however many non-exam time weeks when he might be more likely to get leave) seems like such a terrible way to deal with the issue that I can't even believe it's been mooted as an option.
It's nobody's fault - I'm sure the OP would rather be with her son than at an interview, and I'm sure her husband would rather be there than working, but they both have pressing commitments that they need to work around. It might not be easy or simple, but that doesn't make the husband solely culpable for the difficulties involved.

That is hilariously over the top. I'm not saying his presence wouldn't be missed or that a teacher's role around exam isn't crucial but "alter the course of their entire lives" based on one teaching day?!

It's not over the top. Teaching time for each subject is limited, missing out on a days lessons could easily cause a pupil to drop a grade meaning they missed out on their first choice uni and had to go for something inferior and as a result have a poorer career, less options, earn less. It's really easy to pooh, pooh it when it's not your child.

And that also (again) raises the question, what was so important that the OP cancelled it the first time around? She seems to have a very cavalier attitude, suggesting that he just chucks a sickie.

Dojo I think if the DH asked for the time off, rather than dismiss the very idea of even asking, out of hand, even if ultimately he wasn't granted the day off, that'd be a start.

I think the op said it was cancelled first time due to her child being unwell and the hospital insisting he not even have a sniffle.

Mini

The OP would be taking the dc to the appointment if it wasn't for an interview.
Of course her dh would be taking time off to support his dw interview.

Anyway, just my opinion. I'm all for family first but just because you have kids it doesn't give you the right to be entitled to put a classroom of children out so close to their exams.
Lots of teachers in lots of schools couldn't have the time off, he's not on his own and it's unfortunate. It's his job and at this time he is obviously needed.

Wtf are they going to do when the dw is working herself, they will need cover.

I'm a teacher and I seriously doubt one missed lesson would make a difference to a child's final grade. YANBU.

Not sure if it's been suggested but could you not ring the hospital and request if you can send him with someone else but sign the forms previously? Even if it meant you had to go in on a different day on your own to have it all explained to you as they might insist on seeing you face to face for consent stuff.

What time is the interview? Could you go to the hospital to sign the form and leave a relative or someone there to oversee the rest?

What if the teacher in question was a f/t HoD who also happened to be pregnant. We know there are often small windows for things such as nuchal and cvs. Would we think it ok for parents to be aggrieved that their child's teacher was attending an antenatal appointment at the hospital

I can say here categorically that headteachers and governors are/were amongst those most annoyed at the changes to maternity entitlement allowing equal right to time at home. There is an expectation that female teachers will take may leave and the odd day for child illness. Male teachers are frowned upon more for expecting the same rights. Often, sadly, by female headteachers.

Bill - you're being ridiculous. If students don't know the majority of what they need to know by now, they're already in a bit of a pickle. Revision is exactly that - going over stuff that's already been covered. Now, if the school is still trying to actually teach core elements of the syllabus at the very last minute, it doesn't say much about their planning.

I think YANBU OP. Your DH should ask for and get the day off for a medical appointment of that importance. It is not a routine appointment.

If pupils missing one teaching session is going to have such a huge impact on their grades then something is already very wrong. Totally over the top!

I'm sure with pupils of this age group there will be other ways to make up the work/ advice. I mean, if the teacher was off for the day due to an emergency, the school and pupils would have to manage somehow. Much better that it can be managed in advance.

Hopefully the OP;s job will have the flexibility that teaching doesn't but she really needs the opportunity to get it first.

Teachers occasionally do need time off in exceptional circumstances but a year12 class is high priority so close to the exam. Taking a day off is not right

Newlife4me, you just make it work. We have no cover. Literally none. No living family at all and no friends who could cope with 4 more including 2 under 5 and one with additional needs. But I don't see why just because DH earns 5times what I do and my job as a teacher is inflexible that he should get to work and I should accept sah. Just because I chose to return to work doesn't mean childcare is any less a joint responsibility. I'm sure the op feels the same. Her DH now needs to see it that way too.

Furious

Some schools have challenging children who don't necessarily turn up to classes and as over 16 have self declared responsibility.
You can't call parents and complain they aren't turning up.

It is all about targets and results.
believe me my planning was bob on but 5 mins before my students went into the exam I was almost barking information into them.
It ceases to be their responsibility and becomes the teachers and of course the HOD.
I wanted to keep my job then so I did what was expected as did the other teachers.
After the exams and reflecting I decided that this wasn't what education should be about and quit.

I can sympathise with the OP dh because in some schools it would be unthinkable to request time off. Ok, if he refused at other times then he does need to be more accommodating, but there are times when your job comes first.

It isn't the students fault their teachers wife has an interview and nobody to cover the child's appointment that would in this case be her responsibility.

I think a lot of people are unestimating the importance of this medical appointment. If a child has to be fed miniscule amounts of a certain food in a hospital setting as an allergy test, it sounds like that child's life could be in danger should they accidentally eat that food. But no, the teacher needs to be in front of a blackboard.

Re someone else taking
The test as I understand from OP is ongoing and the reaction assessed throughout the day so difficult to predict what intervention would be required at each stage
Children with severe allergies to given product, be it nuts, eggs, milk etc would show reaction very quickly and be given anti histamine or adrenaline in case of severe reaction
I think due to unpredictable nature of the test it should be a parent present and as I said up thread I would be happy to reschedule appointment if coming to see me.

Forgot to add, if Op DH really couldn't get the time off of course

My DH is a teacher and he has no problem getting time off when he needs it. He's had it off for DS's hospital appointments and also when our CM has been unable to have DS last minute.

If there are two parents then situations like the OP's are the responsibility of both of them. DS is the OP's DH's child too and he's just as responsible for taking their child to hospital appointments as she is.

As has been already raised OP, before you go back to work you need to talk to your DH about what happens if last minute one of you needs to take time off to be with your DS if he is unwell because if he isn't prepared to share the responsibility of parenting then you going back to work isn't going to be feasible.

Me and my DH take it in turns to call work and say we can't attend if unexpectedly one of us needs to be at home with DS. Neither of us like doing it, obviously, but we share the responsibility of DS, there's no way one of us would just expect the other to deal with it all.