AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

[BackAche21]

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

Ask to change tge hospital date. I've changed hospital dates 2 or 3 times before and they aren't bothered. The only thing they bother about are people who don't turn up to arranged appointments - changing them is no big deal.

There certainly are very different views. We have always been happy with our children's nanny or after school career doing things like hospital visits etc. As this mother plans to go back to work surely one of the things you (and her husband) do is build up a network of reliable known loved nannies or babysitters or child minders who can do all this stuff. It's no big deal. The children only want a parent there if they've been told by a parent that is expected!

We are both teachers. It completely sucks in situations like this, you have my complete sympathy. We have a disabled DS and school have been very good in allowing DH the time off for appointments, although he is easily covered 'in house' and busts a gut to take the minimum time possible (as anyone would). Your only option might be for your DH to say it's his appointment if you are both sure that he wouldn't be allowed leave. I don't like the lying/pulling sickies but sometimes family have to come first. Remember all the times that school has come first and family last - too many to count I bet! Hope you find a solution

I have seen a child sent home without doing the challenge on the day and rearrange the appointment because they forgot to stop taking antihistamine few days before. Also if the child is ill ( even slightly), they may not be able to participate. This kind of clinic is really used to rearranging the date.

As for nunny etc. taking dc to appointment, I wouldn't, as PP said, it can be horrible(life threatening) experience for child.

I would feel the same as you if I'm honest, he may even be able to just take a few hours off rather than a full day? Hope you get it sorted x

Rain - it will be her responsibility because H has just demonstrated that his job is far too important to take time out! Calm down I'm not saying it's a women's responsibility!!!!

Blimey. I expect the poor OP has ran screaming from this thread

For those who didn't read the OP and her subsequent post:

• A parent has to be present at the appointment.
• OP is trying to change the appointment but risks losing it altogether.
• OP's interview cannot be rescheduled because there are things arranged for the day including meetings with other people.

Somebody else has to bend and on this occasion the DH has to step up. If the OP can't attend this interview he's basically letting her know that he thinks she's not as entitled to work as he is. It might affect his career if he has an arsehole HT, but not as much as the OP's career is being affected if he doesn't.

I know teachers and Year 12 kids who are taking exams are ever so important but there are some things even more important. Like this.

Many people don't seem to understand the nature of the appt. The child may experience a medical emergency during the appt. They may require medications, shots etc. They need a parent there not some random person. It's also an impt learning opportunity for the parent.

Also you should avoid rescheduling these food challenges. So many are missed due to illness. The last thing the child and the NHS need are people changing them due to inflexible employers.

They won't let your child attend if they are recovering from a cold. Or have a cough. Or a sore throat. Or tummy trouble etc. Rashes. You know how hard it can be to find a time when your child is in perfect health! If the child is well the parent should take them.

Laura, did you read my post? This appointment could end with a very unwell child!! It's not just a blood test and really not the kind of thing you would burden a babysitter with!!!

Ann, they will not lose the appointment. As others have said the clinic will be well used to rescheduling these appointments due to illness etc.

I'm a teacher and my child is my top priority , not others' children. The pps who are saying that you shouldn't go so close to exam time are looking at it from their point of view.

You should look at it from yours. Only you care about your family. The students will survive for one day if appropriate cover work is set. Nothing wrong with revision lessons.

Yes I've never had a nanny but I really can't see the problem as long as they are DBS checked etc to pay them to take my son to a possible life threatening hospital visit.

"Off you go Tarquin! I know I've taught you to be wary of strangers but Mummy is paying this one so she'll be really good at holding your hand! You don't really need a Mummy or Daddy when doing something so dangerous. As long as this person is qualified in childcare. I need to have a good network of babysitters set up for when I return to work so clearly the first thing for us to do is to jump you straight in at the deep end with Mary Poppins here."

Orrrrr, she can ask her son's father.

Having a nanny and asking them to take children to routine hospital appointments is something completely different than this scenario.

trixy, the OP said "The hospital rules are that you can change the appt once, but you can't change it twice or you lose it completely, which means starting again with GP."

If that's what she's been told, that's what she's got to work to.

Who would take the DC for a rescheduled appointment anyway? Assuming the OP is successful and in her probationary period at her new job?

I missed that Ann, but if it's anything like my DC's allergy clinic I'm sure if she phoned up the ward and explained then they would be helpful. If not then her DH does have to take the time off.

I always try to schedule the appointments for school holidays.

I am astonished by the number of people bleating on here about how a teacher having ONE DAY OFF will disrupt AS-level preparation to the extent that the children will end up with lower grades. Get some perspective for goodness sake!

What if said AS-level child had to have a hospital appointment themselves during this period - would you turn it down on the basis that he/she MUST be in school to receive teaching for every possible moment up until the exam?

TBH if one day's absence by the HoD (who presumably doesn't teach for every period anyway as some time must be put aside for management?) would cause such fatal disruption I would question your DH's competence as department head. If he is in a senior position then surely his Head must consider him to have the necessary professionalism to plan ahead and ensure minimal prejudice arising out of the day off?

OP, I know it's too late now but FWIW it might have gone down better if you had mentioned in the application that you were unavailable for interview on the day in question.

Good luck though!

I agree with trixymalixy. Hospital admin maybe rigid, but clinic is always helpful. They actually give us a clinic(ward) number to call. And these test are done by specialist nurses at my ds's hospital, and they seems to take control of appointment themselves.

My ex head of department was a single mother and she was always having sick days off for her children. She had about 4 off one term!! It did look bad but she didn't care, she's now working at another school for a lot more money!

Could you ask them to change the day of your job appointment? Obviously you don't want to appear awkward but this happens all the time and chances are you'd have that conversation with someone in HR/recruitment team, not with the actual person you're trying to impress at the job interview.
Good luck. Hope you get it

I teach, and would only be allowed time off if I was not due to be in a class at the time of the appointment, or in absolutely exceptional circumstances - eg, someone had died. We're having issues at home with plumbing/boiler (I know this is not the same as a medical appointment), and my DP has had to use three days of annual leave to sort out the appointments because I'm not able to get any flexibility in term time. Being off sick is generally a disaster and means working at home to make sure the person covering your class has materials, catching up with the work when you come back, knowing your colleagues have been put under additional pressure - and that's when you are genuinely ill.

Of COURSE he can, and should, ask for the day off, either as a holiday day or perhaps leave related to taking a dependant child to a vital hospital appointment. His work is not more important than your work, and you won't get paid work unless he frees you up for interviews. And when you do have paid work, he and you will have to juggle work commitments to accommodate your family. So he'd better get used to it!

He is HoD, yes, but not God. He, like anyone else, is allowed to ask for leave. Teachers aren't some special breed who simply aren't allowed leave during termtime because will nobody think of the children?? I can't believe that someone else couldn't cover him while he takes your child to their appointment. Nobody is that indispensable, and if he's HoD, part of his job is delegating n making sure there's someone who's capable of covering in emergencies. What if he broke something painful or had a serious illness? What if, for that matter, you had a serious illness? This is ONE day, ffs. Can he get half a day off - will the appointment take all day?

If the entire family need two incomes then he has to compromise, and it has to start here. His pupils will be fine without their head of dept for ONE DAY, ffs.

If it's a known absence, schools need to hire in a supply teacher/cover teacher so there are cost implications for the school if a teacher is absent, hence why it is usually unpaid and they are reluctant to grant it.

Glom teachers don't get holiday days.

Glom teachers don't get annual leave. If a teacher doesn't turn up then the class still has to provide cover. That is why they take unpaid leave as you cannot swop it with a day in the school holidays. Just one of the negatives of being a teacher.

It would be very rare where I work for a cover teacher to be brought in just for one teacher's absence. Other staff with extra free periods would cover, often people in the same department. One cover teacher might be brought in for two staff being off.
Teachers are allowed time off for their own essential medical appointments. They are allowed time of for emergency dependent care. Teachers are not subject to some sort of lower level employment laws than other people. Sensible head teachers know that staff won't stay if it's impossible for them to be a parent and a teacher simultaneously. Loads of teachers marry other teachers. Some even have poorly children. My dh had the attitude that he couldn't take time off before I pointed out to him that anything I was allowed to do, he was allowed to do to. I wonder how much of this is people not asking, and also the supposition that men always really have the more important job.

..and any appointments either of us or the dcs have had have always been paid. And in return we are loyal employees and work bloody hard.

Other staff with extra free periods would cover, often people in the same department.

Under rarely cover, this shouldn't happen for a known absence.