AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

[BackAche21]

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

No easy answer - Mother of a year 12 boy and parent of an allergy sufferer AND I'm a teacher so you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. The AS exams are close but then he could manage a revision session for them - set a practise paper under exam conditions maybe without his having to be there.? He'd probably cop having to mark them on an evening off though. Would he have to take the whole day off ? I honestly don't think that one morning or an afternoon off would scupper his students chances of passing their AS levels TBH. By this stage they should be in the very final stages of revision. Could he not salve his guilty conscience by holding an after school revision session to compensate ? Good luck. But I think that maybe you need to have a proper discussion with him about priorities long term. These things will keep cropping up - best to discuss it at length now rather than let it fester.

This close to exams they should have covered curriculum and now it's about revising and test papers. It's bit late in the day and poor planning to cover new content close to exams.

Even easier for someone else to cover and less necessary for your DH to cover.

My DH can be a bit like this if he gets half a chance. Despite the fact I earn more than him. You need to push back or you'll get trampled.

I'm a teacher and so is DH. We take turns to have time off if one of the kids is ill. I know its not ideal having time off in the run up to exams. It might only need to be half a day depending on when appointment is. So the Year 12s miss a lesson. Appropriate work and activities could be set and maybe a lunchtime or after school catch up session. These things happen. It's only one day/half a day. Your job interview is important and also the hospital appointment.

Teachers in the UK have months off school... months. As opposed to other professions that get 4-5 weeks per year. This is what makes it very different and, as others pointed out too, sadly, his inflexibility during term times comes with the job. I understand how difficult it is but, from what I also understand 1. This is NOT a medical emergency and your DS is not unexpectedly sick which would make it a very different story, 2. You haven't even tried to rearrange your interview or the hospital appointment. I used to be a senior director recruiting for various companies in the past. It is not true that employers are put off by someone having to rearrange due to childcare issues at this stage. You are not working for them yet and don't have regular childcare arranged yet. Once you work for them and have time to arrange childcare to do your job, they would see it differently. Right now it wouldn't be perceived as you being flakey or not serious about your work. And, if this is how inflexible they are now, perhaps you don't want to work for this kind of an employer?

An allergy challenge can take the whole day as you need to wait in the hospital for 2 hours after it ends to make sure there's no delayed reaction. I also wouldn't want anyone else taking my DC to one as its not very nice when it's a fail and they have a bad reaction. I usually try to arrange them in the school holidays for my DC so they don't miss a full day of school.

Personally I would rearrange the allergy appointment. It's common for them to be cancelled if for example the child is ill or has had piriton too close to the challenge. It's also not a vital medical appointment IMO, more important for a teacher to be in class just before exams.

Aside from the main point in hand (husband's attitude!) the allergy tests are normally just done in a nurse led clinic or by a technician, they will have their own diaries.. Requests to change appointments will be handled by administration departments/central appointment services etc and often makes it a million times more complicated. I'd nip in to the department where it is happening and just ask about scope for changing dates; virtually everywhere I have worked would just go through the diary and sort out a convenient date face to face. It'll be far easier to change than a consultant appointment, unless you leave it to admin to sort. Good luck with your interview!

Agree he can't have the time off, how would you feel a few years down the line if it was your child's crucial A level year? Think only feasible route is to change hospital appointment.I am a teacher too we simply can't have term time absence. Only other option are there any Grandparents who may be willing to come for the day?

monkeysox blood test for allergies can only give an indication of a likely allergy. The only way to definitively test if they have outgrown an allergy is to eat the food under controlled conditions in hospital. The allergen is rubbed on the skin then you wait 15 mins ,then if no reaction rubbed on the lips, then if still no reaction increasing amounts of the food are eaten. Once the goal level of the food is reached with no reaction they then need to be monitored for a further 2 hours to ensure there's no delayed reaction. It can easily take a whole day.

To everyone saying the DH is putting his job above his child that means op is putting a job she doesn't have above her chil and her DHs job.
Yabu

Clarehhh, I would not expect a teacher to put my Alevel child ahead of his son's health. At this stage almost everything is practice and revision. Set them some work and arrange to meet them the following lunchtime to go through it. If they don't know it now they never will. If he was a single parent and the appointment couldn't be changed, he would have no choice but to go. Do you also think that teachers shouldn't get pregnant invade it interferes with exams? Or should they be banned from giving birth between April and July?

*invade should be in case

Rearrange the appointment - these ones take ages. Explain if need be but I don't think they'll bat an eye.

I do sympathise, we have had a lot of appointments over the years, and we try to balance them between ourselves - for example, agree he would be first call during holidays and half-terms. You have to get them in the diary early and move other stuff around them.

I would hate to think one of my children's teachers was facing this dilemma. Of course, if a teachers child has an important hospital appointment the parent should be with them. There is no question of that in my head. I would hate to send my child to something so important with an unknown babysitter (I can't believe some one suggested that tbh) and I see no reason why a teacher should have to do that. Teachers aren't asking for time off all the time, but as a real one off, of course it should be allowed.
And all those suggesting getting a school holiday appointment, have you ever tried to get one? Our hospital was an absolute nightmare over this and I did get sent back to the gp and have to get re referred becasue I changed the appointment twice. (Im not a teacher btw).

LP teacher here. My school lets me have time off - of course they do.

It's holidays I'm not allowed to take in term time... I still have an entitlement to sick days and family days same as anyone else.

Having to take my holidays during the school holidays doesn't mean I'm expected to be at school every other waking hour of my life come what may

AS children should be capable of working through their subject on their own at this stage. Given he has advance warning, he can plan their workload with just minimal supervision needed.

There are some appointments that only a parent can take a child to - an allergy challenge is one of them. If your DH has to take unpaid leave, he has to take unpaid leave.

I'm a teacher. I'd try to rearrange the hospital appointment, but if it really can't be changed, your dh will have to take time off.
My dh does far more time off for kids than me, because it is tricky in teaching, particularly at this time of year. Having said that I was in the position of having to ask for time off on my first day in a middle management teaching job, because dd had a significant operation and I had to be there. Sometimes family has to come first.

Dear OP,

First of all congratulations on your interview! Do not call and try to rearrange - it will look unprofessional to even inquire and they will not be able to change it for you anyway.

1. Call the hospital and explain terrible predicament. You need the

job for economic reasons and you are aware that this isn't the done thing (to change twice but throw yourself on their compassion.

1. If you decide that this isn't worth it - I.E child has been poorly etc then your husband must simply take time off. He can explain the parental bit and if needed you are out of the country ! Although any sensible head teacher would facilitate. It is not the end of the world. It is about your child's health.

Last - to the posters that suggested that teacher shouldn't take any time off for a case like this I was taken aback by the selfishness. Kids doing exams and their chances won't be impacted by a change of teacher for one day. This is about a child's health - it just happens not to be your child.

Good luck with the job interview !

Tell him to take a sickie, if there's any chance he would be turned down.

And frankly when I read some of the attitudes on here, I'm really not surprised that we're facing a teacher recruitment crisis. People really think each class missing a single lesson is more important than this man taking his child to a hospital appointment? So his wife can return to work?

People complained about a teacher being off sick for a day? WTF? No wonder nobody wants to be a teacher anymore!

Flatoutnautilus, I think you are misunderstanding purpose of hospital appointment. This have to be done when the child is in good health, and be off antihistamine for few days if they take regularly, and worst case scenario, the challenge it self can make child ill. My ds failed the challenge twice and came back from hospital worse condition than the time he went in. Thus I always arrange during school holidays, not just so he doesn't miss the school one day, but also he may needs to take few more days off afterwards.

An allergy test doesn't sound important enough for a yr12 teacher to take the day off at this time of year

as a parent of a yr 12 I would be livid.

Sorry.

I have dds in private education and their teachers are NEVER OFF unless seriously ill themselves

also have one in state education and her teacher is always bloody off, its a complete PITA

Drama llama.

It's not a critical hospital app. Ring up and ask to reschedule. They will be nothing but pleased you updated them rather than just being a no show.

I think you really should try and rearrange the hospital appointment before expecting your husband to take time off at this point in the school year.

An allergy test doesn't sound important enough for a yr12 teacher to take the day off at this time of year

as a parent of a yr 12 I would be livid.

wanky, no offence, but I genuinely can't believe I've just read that.

You really think that one lesson missed with your child is more important than the health and wellbeing on the teacher's own child? Seriously? Because I'm beginning to understand why the teachers I know are escaping in droves.

Oh another poster who thinks lying about sickness is ok...