Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Getting my boobs out

438 replies

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 27/04/2016 18:58

I thought it was all a hoax about people making judgey comments about breastfeeding in public and that no one in their right mind would actually say anything...

Today I was unfortunately proved wrong, I was told by a gentleman that it was highly inappropriate for me to get my boob out and feed my baby in a cafe. I thought I was being quite discreet but obviously not in his opinion.

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, I didn't think that this actually happened Confused. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm quite upset about it (although won't stop me doing it in future) and can see why some women stop BF if they get comments like that on a regular basis.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
AnnaMarlowe · 30/04/2016 18:39

No problem Melly have you found your local twins club yet? They are great for this kind of info.

I did find tandem feeding got harder as they got bigger - from about 12 weeks I mostly fed one at a time with the non-feeding baby in a rocker chair at my feet.

I can also recommend a wonderful book called "Mothering Multiples" by Karen Kirk Gromada which has pictures of twin feeding positions and lots of brilliant info. You can get it on Amazon. It really made a difference to me so I always recommend it on feeding threads.

Btw don't listen to anyone who tells you you won't manage to feed twins yourself. I fed them myself for nearly 18 months. No formula at all.
It is possible.

I wasn't a natural feeder and really had to grit my teeth to sick with it for the first 12 weeks. It's hard work but worth it.

If you can manage it, it saves lots of money and time with two babies as well as all the health benefits for them and you.

AugustaFinkNottle · 30/04/2016 19:00

It just shows just how serious some of you think racism actually is

You just don't get it, do you, nappyslayer? Comments like that basically mean that you are saying that discrimination against women who breastfeed is trivial. Think about how offensive that is.

Writerwannabe83 · 30/04/2016 19:13

I've just read the thread and I have to laugh at a poster who write: "Please, be discreet." For some reason it made me chuckle!

I guess that's all us breast feeding mothers told and we are now ready to brave the shawls.... Grin

Some of the attitudes to breast feeding shown on this thread are ridiculous. Breast feeding is hard enough without us having to worry about offending people too - just insane.

Don't like it? Don't look.

I don't get why it's such a difficult concept to understand......

thenappyslayer · 30/04/2016 19:52

AugustaFinkNottle
FFS!! It's not trivial. Of course it isn't. I
It just isn't comparable to racism. Thats a super clear statement.
I never once said it was trivial.
Just.Don't.Compare.
This is all.
The very fact that you are trying to squirm out of actually addressing what I said and waffling on in opposition to ideas/statements which were never even put out there is quite worrying.
You do think racism and breast feeding embarrassment/irritation are the same and thats fine. I'm just exercising my right to free speech and am saying I think it's a tasteless, OTT, comparison, - and as a woman of colour who has breastfed everywhere the comparison is offensive.
Mothers don't have to worry about their poor breast feeding daughters leaving the house in case a police officer stops and searches them for no fucking reason.
Breastfeeders may have the odd weirdo saying they are uncomfortable and that they should go to a loo - but they don't get people telling them to fucking leave the country - or die because they are inferior and spread aids.
Sorry to get deep (I really am) but I don't know if you are playing dumb to avoid what I actually commented on - the comparison you made - or if you seriously think the life obstacles of a breast feeder are the same as a black person.

mellysam · 30/04/2016 19:56

I've just joined TAMBA Anna so will find a local twins club. We had our 20 week scan on Friday and all was well with the babies so i'm feeling ready to investigate all this stuff nicely now, thanks for your help it's great to hear from your experience

Pambilaga1608 · 30/04/2016 20:27

I think the problem with these small minded people who have to give a 'look' or make a comment is that they feel the mother is actually attention seeking. It couldn't be further from the truth and they simply want to feed their hungry child- which is the most natural thing in the world- so it's pathetic to come over to make any kind of comment. Next time tell them to go away or you will call the police. That should get rid of them quick enough.

monkeymamma · 30/04/2016 23:00

I fed ds1 for a year and never had anything but kind/positive comments, but did have one snitty incident (with an older couple muttering about there being a 'time and a place for that sort of thing') when feeding ds2 in our lovely local cafe. Until then I thought it was a myth!

makingmiracles · 01/05/2016 02:31

I have read the whole thread, how depressing to hear what some have to say. I'm due dc4 very soon, bf dc2&3 and found it hard work each time, fed dc2 for 8m, dc3for 4 months.

To all the posters saying "I bf, I did it discreetly there's no excuse" I wonder how well endowed you are because let me tell you when you have breasts that are 38H before pregnancy/bf, I can tell you that bf discreetly is nigh impossible without flashing some breast etc, I found that bf was hard, I had to hold my breast with my hand to stop it covering baby's nose and impairing their breathing, trying to get a large breast out of a nursing bra discreetly is also not easy, I'm pretty sure an all together different story when you have smaller breasts.

I'd be mortified to think someone thought I was making a point or showing off when just trying to unleash my ginormous norks to feed my baby or that I was making obvious I'm feeding due to having to hold my breast.

In the whole time I fed dc2&3 I didn't have any negative comments, but I did go out my way to hide away, using feeding rooms, the car etc, although there were occasions when I needed to do it publically. I remember sat in wether spoons and a old bloke staring at me from across the room, I simply moved the menu in front of me and glared at him from above it, I don't think he complained as I wasn't ask to move or anything but he did make me feel uncomfortable. The only positive comment I had was at a large soft play area where I sat and bf dc3 and a older lady came up to me and said great to see a young mum bf, well done.

I really hope those of you that feel uncomfortable about it just divert your eyes or move away rather than stare at the bf mother or make a comment, I think I'd burst into tears the way I feel shortly after birth, takes me a long time after the birth to become confident enough to fend off unwarranted attention/stares/comments when bf.

It's great some mums find it easy but there many of us for whatever reason find it very difficult.

pearlylum · 01/05/2016 06:30

makingmiracles- of course- and you give a great example of why sometimes breastfeeding can't always be " discreet"- I'm coming to hate that word!!

When my first was born he was tiny, 5lbs in weight, and for the first few months needed feeding every hour, his tiny tummy was full quickly and I was vigilant to keep him well fed to build him up.
He struggled with his latch, and one thing that really helped him feed well was lots of skin contact. So rather than simply offer him a nipple he needed a whole breast to feel against his face and hands. Even then his latch was tricky and kept popping off, needed guidance, cheek stroking to steer him etc.

Being "discreet" was the last thing on my mind. Having to manage a feed and the anxiety of making sure my infant was feeding well was my only concern at these times.
My breast and nipple were there to see for any idiot wanting to gawp.

GipsyDanger · 01/05/2016 16:16

I personally think it's rather amazing people are managing to tear their eyes away from their phones for so long lol!

I BF ds at a frankie & bennies yesterday, hope I didn't offend anyone Hmm

dustarr73 · 01/05/2016 17:32

I think some people on this thread go out to be offended.Stay in and cover your precious eyes and leave struggling[or not]bf mothers alone.

AugustaFinkNottle · 01/05/2016 21:09

nappyslayer, I'm not trying to "squirm" out of anything and, in fact, it was not I who made the comparison you refer to. It would be really helpful if you checked your facts before slinging accusations round.

The comparison which was made was that of people saying they feel uncomfortable looking at a breastfeeding mothers being as unacceptable as people saying they feel uncomfortable looking at a black or disabled person. No-one for one moment suggested that discrimination against breastfeeders was comparable with all aspects of racism or indeed disablism. That is why your offence-taking is simply not warranted by what was said.

pearlylum · 02/05/2016 07:04

I am not even responding to nappyslayer directly.
I made a point about legislation and the protection that it provides to people within our society.

The equalities act www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2010/15/contents protects people from discrimination because of race, disability, gender and sexuality.

The legislation in my view is one of the markers that indicate we are a mature society.
This legislation is wide reaching and powerful and I am very glad it exists.

It also protects the rights of breastfeeding women, as this is a gender specific function.
Protecting the rights of breastfeeding women does not diminish the function of other aspects of the legislation.
I make no apology pointing out the existence of the legislation, nor to citing examples of discrimination based on race or disability.

nappyslayer has no right to suggest which discrimination trumps others. It isn't her or my call to make.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.