Getting my boobs out

[wannabehippyandcrazycatlover]

I thought it was all a hoax about people making judgey comments about breastfeeding in public and that no one in their right mind would actually say anything...

Today I was unfortunately proved wrong, I was told by a gentleman that it was highly inappropriate for me to get my boob out and feed my baby in a cafe. I thought I was being quite discreet but obviously not in his opinion.

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, I didn't think that this actually happened . Has anyone else experienced this? I'm quite upset about it (although won't stop me doing it in future) and can see why some women stop BF if they get comments like that on a regular basis.

even though as any bodily function is not pleasant to see if breast/s are completely exposed

But why, PGTips? What's so nasty about breasts? Do you view Botticelli's Birth of Venus as "not pleasant to see"? Or are breasts only nasty when they're used for their primary biological function?

What a strange question but yes I have fed in front of parents, dad, step dad, brothe, step brother, brother in law, men at baby group, men in public!!! Random men and men I know well,colleagues including my line manager and very senior manager when I was invited to a work lunch. Why wouldn't I?

I said stray boobage
Would you, like the lady on the tube, pull up your top, unhook your bra so you are now fully topless, then lean over to gees your dc. I never ever said would u BF around a male relative. I said would you BF With stray boobage. I.e as tube lady did.

*feed

What's your problem with breastfeeding nappy?

Anna Thank you

Great posts anna. I only had one but the pain and misery went on for months with most hcps just telling me to quit and use formula. 'Breast is best' messages seem to end the minute you encounter your first problem with feeding. For the first few months it took several attempts to latch dd on for every single feed. There was a lot of 'stray boobage' as I did this. Strangely as dd screamed and I winced in pain this wasn't my main concern...

'so why do they not go around stark naked in the Med countries in summer, let alone Australia and Africa, or here on a hot day?"

They do! The reasons why they don't constantly do so is to do with social constructs (largely developed from very conservative religions eg Catholicism, which developed from countries so hot people wore clothes to prevent sunburn and over heating!), many areas of Africa nudity/partial nudity is perfectly normal. Ditto for native communities on Australia and new Zealand, also Asia. In fact I lived on northern Europe for several years and even in colder months naturism is common. Certainly within a lot of families in their own homes and also in saunas, lakeside beaches and woods etc etc nudity is considered perfectly natural and normal. In many places there are non-gendered toilet facilities with saloon style doors on cubicles (great for toddlers).

And yes have bf in front of male relatives, religious ministers, my husband's boss at a ball! My church at the time i was bf was very family friendly in all sorts of ways including a sofa at the back of the main hall with Muslims and water/tea/coffee for bf mum's, not to hide them but so they could be physically comfortable and hydrated (it's where the sockets were frankly if they were behind the altar it wouldn't have surprised me at all if the - female but child free - minister had put it all there!), and woe betide any new congregant who was 'offended' by nursing mothers. The only 'concern' I ever had expressed to me by any of these people was if I had plenty to drink, particularly after a traumatic birth which had led to some dehydration.

Flaming auto correct - muslins not Muslims (although I'm sure Muslims would have been welcome of they had so chose to visit )

Not rtft but have to say re the 'sitting there with spare boob out'.

Wrestling a colicky baby in public, flustered and trying to minimise the screaming and thrashing and trying to switch sides has several times led me to have both out at once.

I'm pretty to realise that anyone might have thought I was making a gratuitous point. Although at the same time I've always made a point of feeding exactly how I need to, and not inconveniencing myself by prioritising modesty over what works for me and DS. I like to think I'm striking a bit of a blow for friends of mine who won't feed in public, even covered, because they're so scared of snarky comments.

Actually I retract much of my previous comment. Why the fuck should I feel the need to justify there exact reasons why I might have had stray boobage on display?! I'm breastfeeding my child. With my breasts. Both of them. Yup. Breasts, outside of clothing. Look. Don't look. Whatever. Not my problem.

Exactly sleepy= we don't need to justify or explain. There could be a thousand reasons why our nipple may see daylight.
I could list 20 off the top of my head, but I won't.

Either someone supports breastfeeding in public or they don't. All this discreet stuff is a pile of shite.

discreet
adjective UK

careful not to cause embarrassment or attract too much attention, especially by keeping something secret.

Bacon, yes a small minority do full nudity in CERTAIN types of places - parts of Africa/Austr were indeed the small native tribes live in forests and have their own culture (but would they go like that into a city? nope), also eventhey mainly use loincloths. Again - to prevent men being seen sexually aroused randomly, first of all.

As far as Scandi sauna nudity - I know, BUT thye keep it to saunas/beaches i.e. areas of recreation where they don't impose it on those who don't like nudity. Also families at home might do it but bear in mind they aer related and like each other, while strangers can find each other revolting physically. NOne of the very relaxed Scandi crowd would dream of doing nudity in business surrounds, or walk like in the street, because of consideration for others and indeed THEIR OWN social rules. Social constructs are there because the vast majority of people wants then there - in democratic countries, many laws have been changed when deemed old-fashhioned or wrong. Nudity is not allowed in the streets/social places bar saunas/sex clubs because the vast majority doesn't want it! simple as that. For all te reasons of potential unpleasantness I mentioned before. OTOH to cater for those who do like nudity, there are these places. But rules won't be chagned for the very small minority who would abolish clothes altogether.

It's not nudity. Breastfeeding mothers don't walk around stripped to the waist.

It's FEEDING A BABY. With the appendages designed and made especially for FEEDING A BABY.

Can't won't you read?

I haven't RTFT, but I do think what this boils down to, is discretion. I fed my two in public (needs must), but honestly, you wouldn't have seen any boobage, I was very discreet. Firstly, because I didn't want to embarrass anyone, and secondly, because to me, outside of breast feeding, my boobs are very sexual to me, and I really don't want any guy that isn't my DH, getting an eyeful. My friend, on the other hand, has always been a body show off (she has a great body). When she was breast feeding, he would hoist her top up, remove her bra and let everyone get a really good look. She'd also sit after the feed, with breasts exposed. It was a tactic employed to get all male eyes on her. It made me want to actually vomit. Sorry, not helpful. I guess my point is, please be discreet.

Only place I recall experiencing this is in a maternity unit and the recovery room after a c section. As I grappled with the surgical gown that doesn't seem chiefly concerned with modesty generally to delight in how easily my newborn latched on, I felt the tugging of the male nurse on the shoulder of the gown to attempt to hide my unused breast. He was unsuccessful and I was too high on oxytocin to tear him a second arsehole but I certainly made zero effort to cover up. Tosser.

A couple of days later as an out patient on the maternity ward, I discretely fed my gorgeous baby in the waiting room which was populated by my parents and a new mother. The midwife asked if I'd like a screen. 'Not really!' I replied. I was pretty flabbergasted as not had negative responses having breastfed for a year with my first and I expected a neonatal setting would be the last place I expected to encounter these attitudes.

Augusta, yes kind of. I didn't say breasts are not nasty to look at, it's any bodily function that is unpleasant for a stranger (not a friend/partner) to see, anything that goes with a squealchy sound doubly so, I'm just squeamish! As for nude breasts or general nudity, I don't mind it if a person is beautiful to me, but generally no I don't like naked bodies, I prefer people in nicely fitting clothes, without all flaws exposed!

Comparisons with Madonnas of Boticelli are a bit misplaced! They are a symbol of motherhood rather a real women, perfect, with no gritty side or sound and no splashing milk! Having said that, even though I like art and have even worked for an art gallery - I rarely like nudes in art when done realistically, most buyers of the female Nudes are men, unsurprisingly. I'm not aroused or excited by them, I wouldn't mind a beautiful-looking man picture but I don't enjoy looking at naked women - not in RL either, why would I? so no I wouldn't want the feeding Madonna pictures in my house, I'd rather have a great portrait or landscape of flowers! The only nudes I like is the marble Greek sculptures, gods and goddesses, they of course have no gritty details of the sexual parts incl breasts AND they are modestly proportioned. Art is nothing like the reality, in other words.

Motherhood and indeed breastfeeding is a beautiful thing - between the mother/parents and her child, no one else is required to like the sight! I know that if I were to feed I'd always use a scarf - I would hate the feeling of no privacy (for me, as well as for others, if I couldn't use a scarf I'd expel into a bottle if I had to go out) I equally don't parade around shower rooms in a gym. Each to their own, and I know sometimes with big breasts or unruly children it's impossibe to cover up - so of course go ahead and do what you need to do. Just don't expect some sort of delight or some people not to be put off their food, they'll just have to put the feeding mother first and their own sensitivities second, but mothers equally could be considerate if it's at all possible in her situation.

Husky - the OP was being discreet, she and many other Mums weren't trying to show anything but sometimes it just happens. I've never had any comments myself but as I'm now feeding a toddler it may become more likely.

rwilkinson - peer support is a good tool. We have a project to train BFPSs in my city and we support in hospital, homes and groups as well as providing information antenatally. Unfortunately it's not easy to see if the project has made an impact as they've stopped doing the national infant feeding survey.

sorry, that should've been 'I didn't say breasts are nasty'.

it's any bodily function that is unpleasant for a stranger

breastfeeding is a beautiful thing

Well make your fucking mind up, which is it it?

Your posts on this subject have been misguided at best.
You don't seem to be reading anything here, but I'll try again; women do not breastfeed to exhibit themselves - they breastfeed to feed their baby. If this completely normal and natural act makes you uncomfortable, YOU are the one with a problem you need to address - not them.

Pgtips you seem to have bigger issues with the naked human form than breastfeeding!

Nudity in many countries is not nearly as big an issue as here. And yes in many parts of Africa there's nudity/partial nudity in the cities too! Have a family member who worked there in several different countries as a member of an aid agency! And it's not just in 'tribal' areas. They certainly wouldn't think twice about completely removing top to BF!

Mnpeasantry that is shocking! Appallingly unprofessional, discriminatory and I hope someone complained about their attitude! Jesus if you can't bf after giving birth without judgment/hassle when can you?

As for loin cloths there's evidence to suggest they started wearing them either to prevent the spread of lice or becasue of the influence of white Europeans (particularly missionaries) both issues flared around the same time so hard to know for sure! I don't think a loin cloth would do much to hide an erection anyway!

I think almost the most alarming thing is how BFing mothers start off on the back foot over this- so many comments in here saying how it's discreet, and it's just feeding a child not making a point.

Frankly, given the utterly warped attitudes of so many people, we SHOULD be making a bloody point. We need mothers to be in yer face and entitled in order to normalise it and to make the puerile prudes retreat in shame.

"Frankly, given the utterly warped attitudes of so many people, we SHOULD be making a bloody point. We need mothers to be in yer face and entitled in order to normalise it and to make the puerile prudes retreat in shame."

I heartily agree

Husky exactly! I wouldn't have wanted men gawping whether I noticed or not, and same as with you, I want to keep my sexual body parts to myself/my sexual partner, no one else. And I don't want to see others' either. Thank God someone who BFd herself said that it made her feel sick looking at another woman sitting topless in cafe.

WellErr, I was answering someone's question - can't you read? they asked me about nudity in public generally, arguing that it 's all natural and should be allowed.
I keep saying over and over that if a mother is covering up at least a little, I see no issues, and if they choose not to, like hte friend of Husky who sat with both boobs out - or woman on the train with me feeding a toddler in the middle of train, then again like Husky it makes me feel quesy, but I'm not going to complain obviously!.