Getting my boobs out

[wannabehippyandcrazycatlover]

I thought it was all a hoax about people making judgey comments about breastfeeding in public and that no one in their right mind would actually say anything...

Today I was unfortunately proved wrong, I was told by a gentleman that it was highly inappropriate for me to get my boob out and feed my baby in a cafe. I thought I was being quite discreet but obviously not in his opinion.

I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, I didn't think that this actually happened . Has anyone else experienced this? I'm quite upset about it (although won't stop me doing it in future) and can see why some women stop BF if they get comments like that on a regular basis.

WellErr, your next post - just read properly, I said it's a beautiful thing (private!) to the mother/her partner and their child - not to a stranger to actually watch. Maybe to some, but as this thread shows, not to many. So do read the whole sentence before swearing, or just don't read at all!

Bacon, ok so there are SOME (small) countries like this, it may suit their culture and climate and a simple way of life close to nature, I'm sure there are also hippy/naturist communities who live in forests and don't go to an office job, but the vast majority of the world isn't about to follow them - not in China, not in most of Australia, not in Europe or most of America, nor big parts of Africa, so yes it's great to have diversity and not to suppress those minorities! The fact remains that the vast majority doesn't want to revert to nudity which was normal somewhere at the very start of their civilisation. I have issues personally from aesthetic and hygiene point of view, and the sexual side (especially men's sexuality) but feel free to ignore facts of life. Tired of stating the obvious. People just simply prefer things as they are, and you won't convince them to strip now.

This is beside the point of this thread - I bet that most of the BF mums on here who argue against covering , would not go as far as you and argue that we should all walk around naked. My original point was that people's perception of BF is linked to general negative attitude to nudity - but most people do understand that BF is a fair exception to the rules, even if they personally don't like to see it. Sometimes it's true that covering up is too difficult, so I keep repeating that I'd prefer discretion IF possible for that particular mother (child feeding easily,, she has a choice of tables, etc). Others said the same too.

Pearly best comment of the thread:

Either someone supports breastfeeding in public or they don't. All this discreet stuff is a pile of shite.

I truly don't mean to condescend but it strikes me that neither Flowers and PGTips who are most vociferously arguing for women to cover up and sit in corners for fear of offending have any personal experience.

Each successive post shows that they just don't understand. Perhaps we should give them a break.

I'm not arguing for widespread nudity I am arguing against unnecessary prudishness particularly when it interferes with a natural and necessary action for the nutrition and health of babies. I do think it's extreme for people to say the sight of bf mum's feeding their child - which usually does happen discreetly - makes them feel sick! And to have issues with nudity in art I find very odd.

You say you have issues personally but as a pp with sensory issues pointed out, the world can't revolve around everyone's personal issues! I have contamination ocd and really struggle using public loos even for their primary purpose! But that's my issue, I can't then dictate nobody use them!

I said it's a beautiful thing (private!) to the mother/her partner and their child - not to a stranger to actually watch.

Er....don't watch then?

Mothers do not breastfeed to put on a show for bystanders - they breastfeed because their baby is hungry and small babies can't wait to be fed.

Why the fuck would a stranger 'watch'?

FWIW I don't think my DH has ever made a habit of gazing at me breastfeed thinking 'oh how beautiful!' It's just an everyday thing I do to feed the baby.

So do read the whole sentence before swearing

I did read the whole cunting sentence.

The pressure to breastfeed " discreetly" is a huge obstacle to breastfeeding in public.

New mothers are generally very concerned when they start to venture out in public, will they show more breastflesh than is acceptable, will their nipples show, how can the make sure the muslin doesn't slip when they have a fussy baby with a difficult latch.

The perceived pressure is huge. And judging by this thread not unwarranted.
And impacts on breastfeeding rates generally.

It comes as no surprise to me that the time of the biggest drop off in breastfeeding rates comes at the time when women feel recovered from birth and start to resume their social activites in the outside world.

Many women are shit scared, told to practice in front of a mirror to help them monitor flesh exposure, told to buy a breastfeeding tent, or more helpfully go out with another breastfeeding woman.

Because part of breastfeeding in public actually means that there are times that nipples will be seen by others, and there is no way around that.

Instead of encouraging women to be "discreet" we should actually be telling women that it's OK, your breast and nipple may become exposed, it's no big deal.
I can't believe that there are grown women on this thread to can't cope with seeing another woman's nipple, or an infant being fed.

If I were to object to seeing disabled people in my supermarket or black people on the bus because it made me feel uncomfortable or I find it offensive my views would be seen very negatively ( and rightly so). If I wanted a black person to sit in a corner in a cafe there would be an outrage.
These same equality laws which prevent discrimination also apply to breastfeeding women. Why is it any more acceptable to want a woman to carry out her everyday activity of nurturing her infant in a corner because some chauvinist finds it disagreeable?

pearly you nailed it in that last post. Beautifully said.

Mind you, I'm not surprised there are so many prudes around. I still see British women changing in and out of a swimming costume wrapped in a towel* in an open plan changing room. Really? We all have the same bits, what is the big deal? If that is what we are up against, there is a lot of work to do.

PGTips I think you need therapy.

And pearly- very good points re drop off rate and issues around other minority groups.

How do people like PGTips feel about the fact that their judginess, negativity and prudery actually stop some women breastfeeding and therefore cause some babies to have a less healthy start in life than they would otherwise have? I wonder.

pearly couldn't agree more, as I said previously I am currently breastfeeding a 6 week old and take a bottle of expressed with me everywhere I go as the possibility of being gaped at and someone saying something terrifies me.
I have bf in public 3 times in the 6 weeks, I wear button down shirts/dresses and take a scarf but can only put the scarf over once he has latched and started feeding as I need to see what he's doing, I don't feel.embarrassed or awkwarddoing the actual feeding or getting him on, what makes me feel embarrassed and awkward Is the prospect of others being embarrassed if that makes sense.

LovePGtipsMonkey
I may have misread, but I'm not sure anyone has been asking you about nudity - I know I certainly haven't. What I have done is refute some of the things you've said about nudity not being allowed in certain places. As I have said repeatedly it IS ALLOWED, so in comparison, a brief glimpse of a nipple is no issue whatsoever.

Similarly, nobody has been arguing that everybody should walk around naked all the time. I believe people should be free to wear, or not wear, whatever they want (safety issues aside), whether that be a woman in trousers, a man in a dress, bikinis on the beach what an impractical invention that was or being nude. It really doesn't matter, and if you don't like what someone looks like, don't look. It really is very simple.

As for hygiene, there are some occasions when it is more hygienic to wear clothes (eg when menstruating) and some occasions when it is more hygienic not to wear clothes (eg when swimming or in a sauna). Again, if you had read previous posts, you would see that whilst I said that clothes are generally not needed (sorry for the repetition, warmth and safety aside) many people choose to wear clothes, but this is because of social constructs (which you agree with) not because they are needed. There are clothes that are pretty or soft or sexy or professional or fashionable or any other reasons why people like particular clothes. Doesn't mean they are needed in the true sense of the word.

And you keep saying you are scared of men's sexuality. Have you had a personal bad experience, because you seem to have such a low opinion of men? Sexual violence, sexual aggression, sexual harassment is against the law, whether nude or otherwise. Naked men walking around with erections just does not happen with simple non-sexual nudity. Being amongst other naturists is a very safe place to be.

Sorry for the essay, but felt I needed to clear up a few things. Getting back to breastfeeding, full nudity in public is NOT illegal in the UK, so a glimpse of breast or so what if a mother did entirely remove their top half is not a problem, and certainly not something to get your knickers in a twist over.

pearlylum I don't have a problem and I've said several times on this thread that I didn't bat an eyelid as the woman on the tube fed her child topless. I've also said if you want to rip off your top, throw it across the room and swirt breast milk at people who stare go for it. No one should say anything to anyone who is breast feeding under any circumstances. All I'm saying is that it's not a crime to be a little embarrassed at some stray boobage. That's all. Theres nothing wrong with embarrassment. I breastfed everywhere. But if I happen to notice the man next me in the cafe is going a bit red I'm not going to think he's an evil chauvinistic pig
That's all.
And yes - I would avoid stray boobage if I can. Obviously the priority is feeding my DC. Always.

I didn't breastfeed allthough wanted to but I think it's disgusting that someone would make a comment about breastfeeding. I hope these people are as quick at making a comment on the sun having page 3 girls as they are at a mother feeding her baby.

Op, I hope your ok sorry you had to deal with that.

And whats with comparing embarrassment towards breastfeeding to prejudice / racism against black people.
It's not comparable and quite tasteless to do so.

As a person of colour I'm actually a bit offended.

All this talk about cultural attitudes towards nudity ... I am pretty sure all the cultures where breastfeeding is discussed so hotly are wholly accepting of male naked chests in public. I do not want to see male construction workers nipples, and I would rather they kept their shirts on, but other than me, no one seems to have a problem with that.

It is universally accepted that being topless in public is okay for men when there is a good reason (like bathing, or extreme heat, or whatever) so why should breastfeeding not be a good reason for women to be topless?

"As a person of colour I'm actually a bit offended."

Are you?

I'm offended by the term "spare boobage" - and you don't appear to be able to type a sentence without saying it..........

Has anyone tandem breastfed twins in public? I'm currently pregnant with twins just curious for an experiences?

I was interested in the pic someone mentioned about Chavez. Found it, what a great pic!

nappyslayer, how can you possibly claim to be offended by people pointing out that it would be utterly wrong for someone to be able to demand that a black person hide themselves away because another racist person felt uncomfortable seeing them? Or are you saying that you can't use that as a comparison because requiring a breastfeeding mother to hide herself away is perfectly acceptable?

Melly I did tandem feed my twins but found one at a time easier in public in general. You need quite a lot of space and some cushions to tandem feed and that's not often available in cafes etc.

I tandem fed at friend's/relative houses though assuming I could co-opt the whole sofa.

I highly, highly recommend an Ez2 nurse pillow.

They are quite expensive but really worth the money. Some twins clubs will lend/rent you one though so it's worth asking.

Bambambini, great photo! Love how the mum and Chavez are just getting on with their day. Just as it should be.

And whats with comparing embarrassment towards breastfeeding to prejudice / racism against black people.
It's not comparable and quite tasteless to do so.
As a person of colour I'm actually a bit offended.

nappyslayer- Oh please- I'm saying it's all wrong.

The legislation that protects the rights of our rich racial diversity and people with disability also protects discrimination surrounding gender- under which the rights of breastfeeding women are also protected.

It's all part of the same legislation concerning equality.

I'm sorry if you are offended , but I am pointing out facts here.
Are you offended by me explaining legislation?

The comparison is tasteless. That's all. Don't be facetious and pretend I'm offended by legislation that protects people. I clearly said they should not be compared
"Oh please" - really?
They shouldn't be compared.
You wouldn't compare cancer to the flu and say well both are technically illnesses.
Found it offensive after reading it - that's all. Don't worry, I'm not walking around the house screaming black power throwing a hissy fit. I don't think you made a racist comment or anything dramatic like that etc x

AugustaFinkNottle
Come off it.
Both are wrong of course -but should not be compared that's all. Not a difficult one to get. As I've just said you wouldn't compare cancer to the flu.
It just shows just how serious some of you think racism actually is
Anyway as I've said a million times breast feeding is fine however you wish to do it in public and no one has the right to chastise. But don't have a fit if someone gets a embarrassed. Some people may be. I've breast fed everywhere and id rather have someone to tell me to leave somewhere because I'm breastfeeding than tell me to leave because I'm black.
Don't tell me both scenarios are as equally as mortifying as the other.
If you think they are then fine.
I've never heard of breastfeeding hate crime.
But sure - they are perfectly comparable.

nappy - so your race card trumps those with disability or gender issues?

Anna that's great thanks so much, I love the idea of tandem feeding but hadn't been too sure out and about so yours is a great idea (especially after reading some of these comments of breastfeeding in public, having two babies feeding at the same time might tip some people over the edge )
I'll go look up that pillow