To be concerned about my intelligent child at school

[Moomoomango]

This is not a boasting post before I get accused! I am struggling with his intelligence not basking in parental glory!

My son is 4 and due to start school in September. He started talking at 8 months, and has never stopped. He is intelligent and head strong, the last 2 days he started to ask about house numbers - within about 10 minutes he had learnt how to recognise numbers up to 100. I've never tried to teach him more than 10 but I was amazed how quickly he absorbed the information. He is really into science and loves discussing ideas such as gravity, electricity, marine life (a particular passion). He loves doing experiments and will quite often talk about gasses such as carbon dioxide. He loves to dissect fish (one of his fave things to do is buy a fish at fish counter) or garden insects to inspect their insides etc. He will quite confidently explain the anatomy of a fish. I am by no means a pushy parent I just answer his questions and follow his lead.

He is thoroughly bored at pre school, the activities as much more directed at younger children, I feel. I went in today and he was just sat twiddling an abacus. He tells me it's boring and he hates it. Pre school say hes withdrawn and not engaged.

I was speaking to a ta friend of mine who said foundation is basically an extension of pre school, lots of play etc. I'm really worried he will become withdrawn from school if it's not stimulating him. I want him to enjoy school and feel happy and confident. Aibu to be concerned? Is foundation very basic in terms of learning? Or will they support very intelligent children? I'm purposefully holding him back from learning to read so that school can inspire him in that way but to be honest he's so close it's painful!

I just want my child to be supported to be who he is.

Lots of good advice here, particularly around the social skills side.

Lots of good advice here, particularly around the social skills side.

I agree with others. Your DS needs to learn more than academic stuff like reading etc.

Don't most/all of the fish from the fish counter lack something - their insides?

I'd say something to pre school and then school TBH.

Just say he has intense interests that are unusual for a 4yo and learns well but he's becoming withdrawn and needs support to socialise and joinin activities to develop his social skills. Ask them for their support in this.

I understand why your worried - it's hard being a parent of a child who stands out as 'different' even when you celebrate the differences. But I agree with most people here that your concern is focussed in the wrong place and it needs to be about how he communicates with others as that's as an important skill as being academic.

OP have you got any pets?

He'll be fine, he sounds like he's interested in stuff and curious to know more, just like most 4 year olds. School will support that and help him develop vital social skills.

Er, my ds liked dissecting (dead) fish from the supermarket at a similar age. I didn't think it was a biggie - look ds there's the spine, look how the fins move, why are there spines? Etc.

Though it has to be said that the dissecting was a means to ending up with a fish head to play with in the sink!

He is now nearly 11 and shows no sign of impending doom. In fact he's more squeamish now than he was then!

Has op not been back? Quelle surprise.

Send him to school and discuss his ability with the teacher, not the TA.

My dd is academically strong and can struggle with boredom in lessons. However a big priority for us was developing her social skills which were not strong at the start. She now has a lovely circle of friends and a range of academic and non academic interests. The non - academic stuff is more important than you think when your child is academically strong.

I had no idea that my dd1 was anything other than average until she started school and we have had some issues (Y3 now). She's exceptional in a number of areas: that's not just me as a mother talking, that is the case. She does get bored, but the teachers are very good at spotting it and pushing more. She's also done special group tuition for the very top children.

My point is that a good school will recognise actual academic ability and react accordingly. We've actually had dealings with the SENCO who looks after the higher ability ones too.

Give it time: he isn't there yet. Give the teachers time to get to know him and allow them to find where he's at. It won't happen overnight but in a good school it will happen.

He's on the young side perhaps but we've got dd1 doing music lessons. A lot of what she's done thus far at school has come easily to her but she's having to work hard and learn this skill. All by herself she's learning that hard work = success (as evidenced by two cracking ABRSM results this term).

My advice would be to see how he goes.

For heaven's sake, where does she say he kills insects? You find plenty of dead insects in the garden. I think he sounds lovely and enquiring.

If anyone ever dares to suggest their DC is above average on here the whole site nearly seizes up with so many people trying to post to piss on their chips. "Can count up to a hundred at four and speak at eight months? Not bright at all. The midwife delivered DS into my arms then checked my blood pressure and DS told her the reading. Then he mentioned it was a bit high but within normal parameters for post-delivery."

OP, if I were you I'd crack on with the reading, if he is ready. There will be lots of books on interesting subjects he can access once he's reading. And I have to say, nothing shrieks "clever child" to teachers more than one who is a confident reader when they start school.

My DD is 3.5 and can do those things as well as read simple words, I don't consider her to be particularly gifted, she is just curious and has a good memory. She doesn't dissect things though!

I went to a v pushy private school yesterday while looking st all schools for next year and was thoroughly depressed at the idea of hot housing primary school kids. She'll be going to the local state school where she'll mix with loads of people and learn how to be friends with lots of people, what you do at home is more influential during those years anyway. It's more important for them to be a happy and kind individual ultimately.

He's saying he's bored at preschool because you are looking for that answer.

If you're worried about him being bored I'm surprised you're not encouraging him to learn one of the most stimulating skills there is, i.e. reading. It opens up all sorts of doors to new interests and learning experiences.

Chances are he'll be absolutely fine at school. Unless child is extremely gifted, most decent schools should have no trouble keeping them engaged and interested.

I was a very advanced pre-school/primary-school child. Summer birthday, effortlessly top of the class in everything, reading fluently/writing stories/reading music/competent in maths before starting school. I don't ever remember being bored. Faintly irritated by compulsory adherence to the reading scheme, but not bored!

I also gradually evened out. By the end of junior school I had been caught up by a couple of other children, and in secondary school I was in the top sets, but no longer standing out.

Just encourage your child in his interests - maybe not the insects - and help him explore the world. If he has a range of things that he's interested in, there should always be something to engage him.

Don't be silly BalloonSlayer.

I think the OP is masking her concerns behind the "he's so intelligent" posting.

He sounds normally bright. He doesn't sound like he would have particular problems academically, unless you look at the creative imaginative competencies.

Other areas she mentions ring alarm bells, frankly. And she is probably aware of that deep down. Everyone else on the thread is.

I would think it would be a very bad idea not to send him to school if he isn't engaging already as he definitelyneeds to practice those social skills.

Op - you will be devastated to learn that there will be kids even cleverer than him at school !!!!!! Yes - it's hurts

Incidentally, the OP has a few threads where she posts and doesn't return.

Possibly bad form, but relevant I think:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2592499-To-think-nursery-should-have-contacted-me

I think she's worried as hell about her son, and (IMO) quite rightly.

OP. It would probably be helpful if you did come back to your threads.

Stop worrying about what will happen when he goes to school and think about why he likes cutting up animals to look inside them. There are picture books which would Satisfy that curiosity.

He loves to dissect fish - wtaf -is this a real poster?

I don't think that this sounds "normally bright". Neither of my children are within the normal range (i.e. they are well within the top 15%), but this surpasses by a distance what they were doing at the same age.

Normally, I would say don't teach your child to read as it makes the first couple of years at school boring for them, but in this case, if I were this boy's mother, then I'd teach him. It will open up a whole new world for him, and the downside of being bored at school is going to happen either way.

Considering his preference for opening up animals and social skills, I'd really say a professional consult would be in order.
I'm saying this as a biologist and as a mother who took her ds to a psychologist when I separated from his abusive dad.