To be concerned about my intelligent child at school

[Moomoomango]

This is not a boasting post before I get accused! I am struggling with his intelligence not basking in parental glory!

My son is 4 and due to start school in September. He started talking at 8 months, and has never stopped. He is intelligent and head strong, the last 2 days he started to ask about house numbers - within about 10 minutes he had learnt how to recognise numbers up to 100. I've never tried to teach him more than 10 but I was amazed how quickly he absorbed the information. He is really into science and loves discussing ideas such as gravity, electricity, marine life (a particular passion). He loves doing experiments and will quite often talk about gasses such as carbon dioxide. He loves to dissect fish (one of his fave things to do is buy a fish at fish counter) or garden insects to inspect their insides etc. He will quite confidently explain the anatomy of a fish. I am by no means a pushy parent I just answer his questions and follow his lead.

He is thoroughly bored at pre school, the activities as much more directed at younger children, I feel. I went in today and he was just sat twiddling an abacus. He tells me it's boring and he hates it. Pre school say hes withdrawn and not engaged.

I was speaking to a ta friend of mine who said foundation is basically an extension of pre school, lots of play etc. I'm really worried he will become withdrawn from school if it's not stimulating him. I want him to enjoy school and feel happy and confident. Aibu to be concerned? Is foundation very basic in terms of learning? Or will they support very intelligent children? I'm purposefully holding him back from learning to read so that school can inspire him in that way but to be honest he's so close it's painful!

I just want my child to be supported to be who he is.

I would take the time to work on his physical skills. You mentioned you want to be confident, in my opinion the kids with the most confidence are the ones who are relatively sporty & can hold their own on the playground. It's all well & good being acedemically competent but having good gross motor skills does wonders for kids. I was one of the youngest in my class & was always picked last for "teams" on the playground because I wasn't a fast runner but my parents placed no value on outdoor play so my gross motor skills were poor in school, I dreaded the playground.
My girls are very bright preschoolers (as are most in their own proud mummies eyes!) however I want them having great social skills starting & to be strong & resilient enough to cope with the school day, apparently reception can be exhausting for the little ones. So my plan is lots of playground trips & garden time, running, climbing building up their little muscles & stamina, lots of mixing with their friends & cousins, fresh air & fun. Trips to the library & a couple of extracurriculars.
Your son sounds delightful. Enjoy him!

My 3 year old can read, count beyond 100, skip count up to 13s, add and do big puzzles.

On the other hand, he can't string a proper sentence together as he is autistic. When he gets to preschool, I'll want to broaden his experience of life, hopefully, to social, imaginative worlds too. Preschool should be about learning about the basics of other kids, how to share, interact, play and explore.

Teach him how to use an abacus Moo, and his twiddling days will all be behind him!

I have a 3yo DS. Am I concerned that nursery or school won't help him to realise his full potential? Of course. I think a lot of parents can feel like that which is what comes across in the OP. Look at what can be strengthened, like the social skills, and keep him interested with a mix of activities, eg museums, nature walks, interesting documentaries etc.

My 3yo has about 5 words that he uses occasionally. He can't read and he can sort of count up to 2. Today he licked a toy car. Apparently DH was the same. This is my roundabout way of saying that all children are different and what you see now is not necessarily a reflection of the future, but keep that focus on engaging and supporting at home and it will all be fine.

I did all of the early milestones etc and ended up with what some people have described, being pressured at a young age - I was overwhelmed by the academic expectations of me by the time I was 7yo I became very disengaged as a result. I turned out fine but it took a long time to move past and adjust my mindset so if you can avoid that, all the better for it.

felicity

Eldest was identified in maths and literacy and the other in literacy. Eldest also excels in science but there is a child in her set that is at the same level and not always being on top is good for both of them I think! They are 14 and 11 respectively.

He was sitting twiddling an abacus? Instead of engaging with other children? This is a little worrying.

I bet he doesn't get chosen to take the class guinea pig home in case he reaches for the scalpel!

To be honest, he doesn't sounds "very intelligent." Above average for sure. As others said, perhaps it will teach him how to interact with other children as it's an equally important skill as is imagination.

Dd was identified as more by school nursery because her drawings were so detailed at three and half. She was completely illiterate until she started reception. Reception is brilliant for more able children because they can learn at their pace. Dd quickly overtook the hot housed kids. At nursery age she was more interested in swimming and gymnastics. At the age of seven she is keener on playing the ukulele, gymnastics, making films with her iPad and writing stories.

has anyone directed her to the "glass ceiling" thread?
they discussed at length how the very bright and gifted were not always well served by the state system as the goal was to bring the lower end up and the brighter children were often left to keep busy on their own (even though the policy is to help each child reach their own potential).

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/gifted_and_talented/2507232-The-glass-ceiling-for-very-able-children

there are now 3 threads, this link is to the first one

If my child's pre-school had told me he was withdrawn and not engaged I'd be more concerned about his poor social skills and inability to play with his peer group than about how to handle his intelligence.

I'd get a lock put on the knife drawer as a priority. And maybe stop teaching him to kill things. What kind of parenting instinct would make you think dissection is appropriate for a 4 year old?

I would think these things shouldn't be taught until a child has developed a respect and understanding of life. You are purposefully raising a Dexter junior here!

My daughter is not unusually bright, but struggles socially and she didn't really enjoy/join in at preschool (40 kids just running around yelling were completely overwhelming for her). She loves school though, as it's much calmer and more structured, and she's learned loads - she is writing in sentences, and doing basic maths - there would be scope for her to do lots more if she were able, and in fact some of the most able children in the class go into the year above's classes sometimes for more advanced phonics and stuff. She came home telling me all about the life cycle of a frog, about our solar system and gravity etc. She still struggles socially but interacts a lot more and is well supported by school. I wouldn't worry yet, just wait and see how he gets on.

Definitely work on social skills. One of my brothers is very smart but can't hold a reasonable conversation with most people and it's held him back all his life.

I think 'gifted' isn't all it's cracked up to be. You can have a brilliant career if you're average and work hard. I think social skills are too overlooked in comparison. I don't care how smart someone is if they can't network within a group. No one cares if you're good at subject X or Y once you hit Uni and after your first grad job no one cares about your degree either, as long as you didn't flunk it. There is always someone 'smarter' somewhere and I've seen too many children struggle with the fall from the pedestal to want to build being so smart up so much.

"He could reason from cause to effect" - a Chalet School boy after my own heart .

What do you mean by "headstrong" op?

I think you've had a bit of a hard time here and clearly your DS isn't happy. If I were you I'd be addressing that with pre school rather than worrying about school for the time being

There are lots of good posts here but I think the very first one nailed it. Intelligence in and of itself all well and good, but social skills and interaction are what will set him up for a happy and successful life.

I have bright kids - not stand-out abnormally-gifted ones, I think those are quite rare. Yes, they have been under-stimulated at school at times, and we have had to find ways of working with school to meet their needs. But really one of the most important things we have done is to essentially let them (unless and until probs became obvious) have the same school experience as everyone else, while providing lots of input at home (everything from music across all genres and board games to museum visits and long walks out in the countryside - not extra worksheets and flashcards) and (important this bit) giving them time and space to get bored and to play.

I was reading before 2 (!) (says my mother, and I believe her - I had a condition when very small which limited my mobility and I guess I latched on to reading/learning instead). I a, gifted with language, went to Oxford and came out with a First, etc etc but I'm no happier or more successful now than my dh who didn't even start to learn to read until 7, had a very bog-standard education and didn't start excelling until university. We're now both in modestly earning but fulfilling public-sector jobs.

I could read properly when I was two - It's not uncommon, I don't think? Just as some kids are early walkers, some are early readers. I was tested and had a reading age of 12 (the highest it went up to) at three.

Ditto to be able to recognise numbers up to 100 - my friend's kid is three and can do this in three languages ;)

Preschool is about socialisation more than academics. Kids need to learn the vital skills of interacting in a healthy way with their peers.its really important that you don't "other" your child by giving him a sense he's "better" than his peers because that will give him problems fitting into the group in a healthy way.
He will have things to learn at preschool - if he's bright he will sail through the academic stuff with no problems but he will still have to learn how to interact with his peers.

If he can't read by four then stop holding him back deliberately! Let him discover the world of books and he will never be bored again. School is boring if you're a bit above average but for gods sake don't give your kid a superiority complex because that's a one way ticket to bullying.
Ditto the fish dissection. Give the kid some books!

My mind is boggling that a parent would condone their child killing insects. I'm also wondering where the child got the idea to purchase fish for dissecting? No wonder he's withdrawn and not engaging at pre school if these are the type of activities he's doing at home.

My Dd is very intelligent. Mum wanted her to have tutors etc to reach her potential. I wanted her to enjoy being a kid.

She could read and write before starting school. All because she wanted to learn. We never pushed her. She was fine in reception and every year after.

Reception is similar to preschool in some ways, but with more learning built up over the year. My ds couldn't read when he started, he wasn't interested, but now (he is in reception) he can read to a good level for his age. His maths is good as is his writing.

Dd is in secondary. She is at the top of most her classes. She is fine. She has always been treated like any other child. Yes we do things with her at home and teach her things she wants to know about.

Personally I think if your kids are intelligent, they will be fine in a school setting. The school should be, where possible, going at that child's speed. So higher books than the other children etc. School was important for Dd to socialise.

I think you need to calm down. You are worrying about something that hasn't happened. If when he has been there a few months, you think there is an issue. Speak to the school. Panicking now isn't going to achieve anything. You will be anxious when he starts and watching for every single thing. Let him start school like everyone else and monitor it. Not with panic about how he will be bored.

OP if you are still around and are really real I would talk to the nursery about him being withdrawn and not engaged. This would concern me. He sounds very bright which is wonderful but I would be concerned that there might be something else going on for him which is worth exploring - his boredom might not just be down to intelligence.

Does he have friends? Can he play imaginatively? Does he engage with toys and things at home? How is his communication - does he understand two sided conversations or does he tend to just talk "at" you about his chosen subject? What if you tried to talk to him about a subject of YOUR choosing?

A decent school will absolutely be able to support his learning (though the fish dissection might have to stay at home!) but it is possible he will need extra support with non academic things like social skills and communication skills etc.

You should be proud of him because he is bright academically, but he will need the skills to cope in the real world too. it is worth addressing this now so he isn't always the kid sat in the corner twiddling an abacus because he doesn't know how to play...

Meh - dd1 was assessed by CAMHS as being in the top 4% of kids her age - she's managing perfectly well having moved from a bog standard primary to the local comp - stop stressing the poor child is 4!

Oh dear.

I'm afraid I agree with many other posters.

He doesn't sound exceptionally intelligent, but some of his other traits sound a little worrying.

I don't think this thread is going the way you wanted OP.

That's an excellent post from Karaoke.