To be concerned about my intelligent child at school

[Moomoomango]

This is not a boasting post before I get accused! I am struggling with his intelligence not basking in parental glory!

My son is 4 and due to start school in September. He started talking at 8 months, and has never stopped. He is intelligent and head strong, the last 2 days he started to ask about house numbers - within about 10 minutes he had learnt how to recognise numbers up to 100. I've never tried to teach him more than 10 but I was amazed how quickly he absorbed the information. He is really into science and loves discussing ideas such as gravity, electricity, marine life (a particular passion). He loves doing experiments and will quite often talk about gasses such as carbon dioxide. He loves to dissect fish (one of his fave things to do is buy a fish at fish counter) or garden insects to inspect their insides etc. He will quite confidently explain the anatomy of a fish. I am by no means a pushy parent I just answer his questions and follow his lead.

He is thoroughly bored at pre school, the activities as much more directed at younger children, I feel. I went in today and he was just sat twiddling an abacus. He tells me it's boring and he hates it. Pre school say hes withdrawn and not engaged.

I was speaking to a ta friend of mine who said foundation is basically an extension of pre school, lots of play etc. I'm really worried he will become withdrawn from school if it's not stimulating him. I want him to enjoy school and feel happy and confident. Aibu to be concerned? Is foundation very basic in terms of learning? Or will they support very intelligent children? I'm purposefully holding him back from learning to read so that school can inspire him in that way but to be honest he's so close it's painful!

I just want my child to be supported to be who he is.

I was extremely intelligent as a child and primary school was really boring. Luckily my dad did lots of stuff with me at home, buying me books and asking me about them, encouraging me to learn a language, buying me chemistry set after chemistry set. So that's what got me through until secondary school. I remember thinking I could learn absolutely anything anyone gave me to learn.

Socially I didn't really get it but that's almost impossible to learn imo.

I also loved to look at the inside of animals such as fish, and my mum used to buy offal for us to eat and I always wanted to cut it up and look at it. I did a degree in natural sciences. I am not a psychopath.

First of all, these things tend to even out - the preschool genius is soon caught up by his peers as the first few years of primary school pass.

Secondly, when he gets to school his teacher will make some sort of assessment of what his abilities are as a baseline and he/she will focus their plans for him around that.

Thirdly, it is good for the wee boffins of this world to be mixing with a range of other children in order that they come out as a rounded human being.

I have a very very bright GS and he is fitting in fine to his rural primary - the children call him "The Prof" and he is very popular and has lots of fun. His reading books come from the top class (and have done since the beginning).

I would not worry if I were you - it will all come out in the wash and a good teacher will be making sure that he gets as much stimulation as he needs.

DS almost killed the nursery goldfish (he thought that a pinch of food was too little so gave it the whole tub).

He picks things up from book too. I now know what makes thunder...

Being bored at preschool is totally normal and a good sign that the child is ready to start school.
I have one child who is very bright, one who is if anything a little below average and I don't know about the other two yet. I have always assumed that their teachers didn't just walk in off the street and have enough experience to cope with my children's needs. I have only been proved wrong once - we dealt with the problem calmly and it was soon sorted.
If you feel that teaching him to read would help him, then go right ahead. But try not to worry so much, or you'll be a total wreck by the time he leaves school!

Play is a kind of learning.

But play in primary schools is structured , directed and judged. This is often not done explicitly. It becomes an exercise in social skills - being able to 'read' what the teacher approves of and being able to perform that thing. It often relies on having been taught at home what adults want to see you doing when you are put in front of a water tray or a sand tray and then repeating the correct kind of play in front of the teacher.

Some pupils thrive when they get into tasks where the goal and purpose are more explicit. Playing is also likely to be more dependent on interacting with others, which many introverts finding tiring and stressful if it goes on for long periods.

Intellectual development should not be held back just because a child isn't particularly socially skilled.

Social development should not be held back just because a child isn't particularly intellectual.

Your son does sound like a clever little boy, although as others have said, my son could do a lot of those things and at a younger age so IF that is worrying you, I wouldn't let it do so.

When DS started at his nursery he was just over 3 and a half. They immediately picked up on the fact he could already read, do basic maths etc. etc. However, his lovely teacher was also very honest with me about the fact that she felt he was quite delayed emotionally, with poor social skills and virtually no pencil-grip. As you may have seen on other threads, we still do struggle with his behaviour at home sometimes.

We were definitely aware that he seemed babyish compared to his peers, it was almost a relief to have her say it. While we were obviously really proud of his super-sponge brain (although it was hard work having to listen to numbers in 4 languages or being asked to list 20 types of 'water vehicles' before 8am), we felt like making friends and playing was so much more important!

Over the past 6 months since he started, they have worked so hard on encouraging him to engage and learn some independance that he is literally a different child at school. He has friends, he plays with rather than alongside, he shares and is known as a very happy and friendly little chap. Of course they have kept up with his reading and writing skills, but the overall emphasis has been on developing in other ways. I am proud to say these 'social skills' involve poo jokes, fart jokes and lots of pretending that he's Superman. I had no idea what a fantastic imagination he had until he went to nursery.

I honestly don't think he is ever bored there, even if some of his friends are still learning the alphabet while he's on his third reading book of the week. I really think you need to approach your pre-school manager and ask for more information ASAP. Merely telling you that he is withdrawn and unengaged is unacceptable, you need an action plan!

Children learn through play and cooperation.

The countries in Europe that have the bear academic outcomes are those where there is no formal learning until 6.

If he is bored at pre school I suggest that it is not a very good one. Or possibly he is not a child who enjoys socialising with other children in which case the nursery should be encouraging that. So either way I will presume a weakness in the pre school.

You need to read and understand how children learn op. It really is through free play there are many many books on the subject

Your son will be fine at school teach him at home for now as you are doing and let him bob along take him to museums let him look at books etc etc. Stop killing insects though thats not really teaching him anything. My 23yr old said her first words at 9 months reading a little counting and adding by the time she went to primary school her ordinary state primary was great they seemed geared up for all level of child dont worry.

I wish I found this thread before it reach six pages,

knew op was talking bollocks right from sits twiddling an abacus

ill give you a 6/10 op, and a

There will be a gifted and talented scheme. Ds1 is v bright and streets ahead, academically. Though emotionally he was a bit behind his peers (summer born). So we've been working on his confidence.

Your DC should be learning more than just academia. How are his social skills, for example? Can he dress himself and wipe his arse? Does he understand hygiene and compassion? Can he empathise?

Oh is it bollocks? I hate this on mumsnet, it makes me feel upset that I've shared personal stuff.

Whatever happens next I think you need to look at his social skills as that is a really key part of early learning. Being withdrawn at pre school suggests he doesn't enjoy group activity or play and this is something he will need to work on.

Btw I could read fluently when I started school and I really struggled with many aspects of formal learning. So don't assume he doesn't need to learn many basics still.

There is definitely more to reception that just playing - and what a child may perceived a playing is developing other skills e.g cutting to develop fine motor skills which are important for holding a pencil which is important for learning to write etc etc.
If your son wants to learn to read then let him. I have been reading with year one children for over 7 years and it is not unusual to have a wide range of reading levels within the class and ime appropriate books are sent home so children at all levels are developed. With those that can read well I concentrate on expression, retelling the story, predicting what will happen next, talking about the characters'feelings - there is much more to reading than decoding.
Both my children could read before they started school and I feel they were supported well by their respective schools and given a range of material to read.

I don't think it's bollocks.

I think the OP's concern that her child won't be stretched at school is masking her concern about other issues.

Lweji has it I think. The counting and being interested in science is nice. It's great. The other stuff is not. At all. And needs sorting far more than risking him being bored at school.

OP I was a "bright child" and ended up taking my 11 plus exams (as they were then) aged 9. I ended up in a class at school with kids who were much older than me, socially and emotionally wise it was very bad for me although academically I was top of the class.
Just go with the flow let your son go to school mix with his peers and anything he shows real promise in see if you can find an out of school outlet for.

To be able to have social skills and comfortably mix with your peer group is MOST important to any youngster growing up.
Don't worry about school if they think he is bored they should recognise it and deal with it

YANBU to be concerned and ignore the snotty replies. My ds and dd were both reading fluently and counting beyond 100 before reception and it did take the school a while to realise. Their little sister is die to start Reception this year and is nowhere near reading, gets confused with numbers once she gets to the mid teens but is a brilliant, creative child who will make up complicated stories and songs with intricate plots and characters that go on for hours. They are just very different children and she's no less intelligent than my early readers and counters.

But play based learning is a good thing, honestly. It's not holding them back. It's allowing them time and freedom to learn. Play and learning can't be separated. Once you understand how children learn it becomes clear that play based learning for as long as possible is beneficial for every child. I recommend you read some of John Holt's books.

Schools tend to push academic learning rather than neglecting it. It becomes academically focused too quickly. I had similar concerns to you at first but see it quite differently now.

My older dd is year 1. She is flying academically but school gives her little opportunity to play, develop naturally or be creative. It comes too quickly, make the most of the Reception year.

I never really 'got' abacuses (abaci?) And I remember using one as a maracca at nursery. I was 'gifted' in maths and English and started school at 3 (for all the good its done me).

I did see the stallholders in Russia using their abacuses to add up sales when I was there. Quite impressive.

Mum always told me that 'only babies get bored'.

I don't think it's bollocks.

I think the OP's concern that her child won't be stretched at school is masking her concern about other issues.

Looking at the op's other threads I tend to agree with this. I think she is anxious and it's hard to hear this about your child, which I guess is why she hasn't been back.

These threads can descend into "genius top trumps" and slating of the OP. However, I think most of the posters who have explained what their DCs were doing at a similar age, have done so to reassure the OP, and possibly also to take her down a peg or two!

It would help if OP would come back to comment / expand on her OP. Without that, I would be tempted to read the following between the lines of the original post:

• OP might well be encouraging DS to consider that the nursery activities are beneath him (and therefore to report that he's bored);
• OP might be concerned about a social/ neuro issue - but we can't tell from the info in the post;
• OP is to an extent "hothousing" her DS - no 4 year old takes himself off to the fish counter to buy a specimen to dissect without that being suggested/facilitated by an adult. There's nothing wrong with encouraging an interest, but the way the post is worded suggests that OP is desperate to show her DS as a budding Hawking;
• I really don't buy the story that OP is holding DS back from reading. If he's up to it and has access to books, he'll read whether she wants him to or not.

Whilst I don't intend to slate the OP, much of her post, without further clarification, does not stack up and does sound like a stealth boast, despite her protestations to the contrary.

We dont have reception in Scotland Dd was 5 when she started p1 and she was so ready for school your son is probably just ready for school

I don't see how you can possibly hold a child back from reading. I could read Jane Eyre at 6 and my parents certainly didn't formally teach me. You just...read, don't you?

Dissecting is not odd. All children are curious, scientists carry on being curious. I did experiments of all types at that age (and became a scientist), when dd was 4 she was happy taking apart fish too, and would draw human bodies with internal organs, nerves etc. Aged 5 she happily watched a heart being dissected (as did I).

If he's torturing animals that is different, especially if it continues after it's been explained how and why it is cruel.

A good reception teacher and school will have programmes for accelerated learning, and the social benefits he will gain from school are hugely important. Maybe speak to the nursery about his individual learning plan. Our nursery supported dd with activities she was interested in, including asking her to help write the signs for the walls, organising the other children, helping out etc. She got a little frustrated in the last few months, I admit, but loves school.

Of course it's bollocks, otherwise why hasn't the op returned?