Am I a bitch? I don't want DD sleeping over with these people!

[thenappyslayer]

DD is 9 and has been invited to a sleepover at the home of parents who I'm not keen on. Their kids are really really lovely!!! The sweetest most quiet little things you will ever meet.

As for the parents....I certainly wouldn't want my child staying in their home over night.

These poor kids are always waiting outside the betting shop after school, their shirt collars are always filthy, both have rotten teeth, the mother smokes over the pram of her newborn and the father has a foul mouth. He's always shouting at his kids for no reason and seems to have a mobile phone pressed to his ear indefinitely.

I've told DD no and said it's because she has to go to her grandparents on Saturday and we just would not make it back in time. Her and this kid are fairly close. DD feels left out etc as all the other invited kids are going and yesterday when asked by the mum hosting if DD was coming, I gave the grandparents excuse.

I felt guilty fibbing but what was I supposed to say? She seemed to feel snubbed and was quite snappy but I didn't take it personally considering I just lied to her face. I do have some shame.

Im sure you're thinking "well if the other parents are okay with it surely you're just exaggerating what these people are like". That's the thing. The other parents aren't as bad but are pretty close. I actually feel quite alienated.

Yes I come from the "nice bit" of the area, yes this was not our first choice of primary school but I'm NOT a snob. I come from a working class background (grew up on a notorious council estate from HELL until 15 when it was demolished ) as do all of my dearest friends.

Anyway...

Again this morning the bloody sleepover came up with 3 other mums. I gave my excuse. One of the mums said "of course you cant come" and gave the others a look. Then another mum said "well her grandparents will be there next weekend". It caught me off guard and I just gave another shitty clumsy excuse. I'm sure it was obvious I was lying. The kids went in and as I excused myself I was given looks that could have killed pigeons in mid air. Don't those women have bloody lives? I found the premise of the exchange oddly nosey/bitchy for grown women. Well, they average at around 26 (with 9 year olds) but you catch my drift.

It was only literally a 1 minute exchange but it did bother me a little. I don't want to come across as an uppity bitch who looks down on the chavy mums at the local primary school but I just don't have anything in common with them at all.

Have any of you ever really liked a kid but have not been keen on the parent?

Even though the mum was being snappy she did look hurt. I feel shitty.

Oh whatever Whizbang. The majority of the posts you're talking about came within the OP's updates. If it was a constant barrage of abuse after she had long since stopped posting then I'd see your point; but it wasn't. The posts you're talking about were in response to her shitty opinions of young mothers. People are entitled to their opinions and the majority are of the opinion that her sneery, condescending and bad attitude to young mothers was uncalled for. If she didn't want the criticism she shouldn't have said it, I'm willing to stake a lot on her knowing full well what she was opening herself up to.

Sorry PaulA but no. It is perfectly clear reading through the thread that the OP worded one sentence awkwardly which invited misinterpretation. She has been back time and again to try and clear up the misunderstanding but you will absolutely not accept it because you all are taking pleasure in flinging abuse at her. That much is obvious reading through the thread. Sad to say that you are one of the worst offenders. Earlier in this thread you stated that her posts/opinions were without value because of the judgement that you saw fit to place on her. Well, right back atchya PaulA. I certainly will be keeping an eye out for your future posts and disregarding them, because I'm not at all interested in the opinions of spiteful bullies like you. Again I express my hope that the OP is not too traumatised by your nasty trolling, when she is clearly already having a bad time of it.

Trolling?! Ffs. Any adult with a modicum of intelligence would realise that the op's 'poorly worded' comment was not that. She was being bitchy and mean. She knows it, I know it, the majority of the people on this thread know it.

We'll just have to agree to disagree I think.

Yes I do think we'll have to disagree on the OPs original intent. But do you not see the irony in your post above accusing the OP of being bitchy and mean when that is precisely what you are being?

Now let's be fair, I posted one comment to the op initially. The rest were in response to other posters cause, y'know, it's a forum! I then posted this:

Maybe you were still finding your way at 26 and that's fine. It doesn't mean that everyone is at 26 though.

Side stepping your age comment I can understand where you're coming from. I do wonder though if your opinions of these women come through when you talk to them, hence their confrontational attitudes.

Quite fair I think.

I later commented on the op's hypocrisy regarding 'chavy' people, along with a couple of comments to others, not insulting the op.

Additionally I apologised to her for misunderstanding something she said.

I'm not that bad, let's be honest.

In any case, I'm sure the op isn't even paying attention. She started a new thread on the back of this one about schooling issues. This one is effectively irrelevant I think.

What peculiar posts, whizbang...

Yes I can see how you might find compassion peculiar

So kind of you to start posting after a two year break, just to put us in our place Whiz.

No, no…definitely wasn't your immense compassion that it is most peculiar about your posts, whizbang...

Hahaha- you two are so funny. You spend hours ripping strips off the OP yet when someone calls you on it you are full of righteous indignation. You are both mean girl caricatures. As mentioned to PaulA above, the tone of both of your previous posts means I am not interested in engaging further with posters who behave like you do....both exhibiting the precise same bitchy, spiteful behaviour that the OP is experiencing in RL. Again as I stated above, you both need to take a good long look at yourselves. That's all. Have a nice day.

You spend hours ripping strips off the OP yet when someone calls you on it you are full of righteous indignation

both exhibiting the precise same bitchy, spiteful behaviour

Go on then, point to the examples that I've given of any of this twaddle.

I need 'righteous indignation', bitchy and spiteful comments', aaaand 'ripping strips off the OP.' Because otherwise, you're talking utter rubbish and making up your own narrative.

I can wait.

You're very involved aren't you? Whizbang.

Don't waste your time Manhattan. She is just throwing out words and hoping they stick. Like I pointed out last night I was quite fair to the op. In fact, I broke down my posting history on this thread for Whiz. She never replied...

to her shitty opinions of young mothers.

The OP never wrote against young mothers. That is a generalisation that a whole lot of people have been using to give them an excuse to abuse the OP.

She had a poor opinion of this particular mother and the associated group of mothers who turned against her giving her dirty looks after she made an excuse for allowing the sleepover.

THE OP is obviously different even though the children are friends. But it was because she knew she had hurt the mother's feelings and wanted to find a solution about how to refuse without giving more offence to the group of friends that she made what proved to be the mistake of posting here.

Was there an implication that this mother and her friends were from a group that behaved differently from how the OP - and she presumed other MNet mothers would? Yes.

The barrage of abuse to the OP has gone on and on. Luckily she has gone away.

No doubt the people who are so keen on defending these particular mothers would not let their own children sleep over either. Some posters accusing the OP may not even know mothers like the mother and father in the description as their own personal friends or acquaintances.

If they do, and it includes accepting smoking over the baby, shouting Dad's and betting shops to the extent that they would leave their young children with them, then that is their private business. Leave the OP alone.

Honestly, I was with you until this:

I found the premise of the exchange oddly nosey/bitchy for grown women. Well, they average at around 26 (with 9 year olds) but you catch my drift.

I'd never be judgemental of an older mother, ever. It wouldn't even occur to me to link their attitude to their age.

So, so sick and tired of this attitude. I was young when my husband and I had our only child. We have a wonderful life, as an example we were the first of all of our friends to own our property/land outright and we vacation at least four times a year.

Oh well, when my DC leaves for university I'll enjoy the remainder of my 30's

Agree Icanseeyourpixels I'm 35 my dd is 17 and I'm a single Mum. I've had over 17 years of being judged

The OP said I found the premise of the exchange oddly nosey/bitchy for grown women.

So, I cannot understand why her mentioning the nosey and bitchy attitude of these particular grown women, and linking it to presumed immaturity, upset you ICanSee and others?

I am sure that if your child had been the OP's child's friend, you would not have behaved to her in the way the mother in question did, alongside the general group of mothers from her daughter's school class year - all being nosey and bitchy to her in a gang like immature playground teenagers might?

The point she made about them being twenty six (with nine year olds) was that they should have been beyond behaving that way [bitchy and nosey] by now.

Never did she say there was something wrong with someone like you ICAn having children when you were younger than she had been when she had hers.

It is very nice everything has worked out for you. It certainly is lovely to have children when you are young. I am sure the OP would not be disagreeing with you.