AIBU to ask if you weren't maternal/ wasn't a fan of children...whether you had children yourself..?

[Brighttulips]

....And if so, how did it turn out?

I am just not maternal, in the slightest. I don't look at children at all and find them endearing or cute (apart from a couple of exceptions and that's only occasionally!)

I am 32 next month and am thinking that perhaps my maternal/ biological clock will never start ticking. Maybe I will never be a fan of children or desperately long for one of my own....but time isn't on my side anymore, my DP would love to have children and he'd make a fantastic father. I would want to be married first, but I guess, really if I am going to do it, I would need to start TTC by the time I was about 34.

Has anyone ever just taken the plunge and found that they adored their own child...just never anyone else's?

I didn't want children. I wanted to be an Auntie. I got my wish. I do smile at children, help out at Rainbows and did a stint as a Brown Owl but never wanted my own.

Yep, another voice adding to the throng here OP (and pleasantly surprised to read so many similar responses on MN as I have never in RL encountered anyone who'll admit to feeling the way I did/do!)

Never remotely maternal, I never really found kids cute or endearing, just noisy and hard work. I liked/loved my nephew and had an amazing bond with him but he was the exception that proved the rule! Never cooed over a baby, actually if anything I found them quite unappealing (that sounds awful but just trying to be honest).

I now have a DD after YEARS of putting it off because I just never really was sure I wanted it enough. She has changed my life for (only) positive, and I worship the ground she walks on. She isn't easy, she is a lot of work, but my God the difference when it is YOUR child and not someone else's, is amazing. I would do anything for her.

By nature I am quite selfish and yet somehow I have found selflessness I never knew I was capable of. I am not cuddly or able to 'do' physical affection with other people but I can barely put my DD down, I would cuddle her all day if she would let me (fortunately at 3 she is still a complete cuddle monster)

I am getting to know and really like some of her little friends but i by no means particularly like or bond with all the small children I now know just because I now have a child. So that aspect of me hasn't changed at all!

A friend handed me her baby a few weeks ago and I just have no idea what to do with one still - a baby that isn't mine feels all wrong in my arms, just as it always did.

I think it can be hard to understand that maternal feeling if you just aren't that way, in the same way I imagine it might be hard for a person who just loves all kids and has always yearned for loads of their own to understand how it feels not to be that bothered about children per se.

But yeah. Just another voice here saying that I don't/never did have a particular liking for children, but my own DD is another kettle of fish entirely. Best thing I've ever done, she is my entire world.

I was fairly strange. Growing up I never had that interest in babies, couldn't be bothered with them. I didn't want to babysit my younger cousins and when I did it was only for the cash and to make out with my boyfriend once they'd gone to bed.

I did however always know I would have children but really wasn't sure if I would be any good at it.

I am currently pg with #4, I work at my DC's school during lunch, work at a children's charity, am the chair of the PTA and run a dance class for kids. My whole life revolves around kids now and I love it. Not only that but people think I'm a natural with kids, which may be true now but it certainly wasn't a few years ago.

Never wanted them, loved cats. Seeing my friends have children - and what they went through - was the nail in the coffin. Not that I don't love their kids these days.

Got a cat, love him to bits. Very spoilt nephews and neices who light up my heart on a daily basis.

I adore my dc. However I was always the career one busy on the phone when people bought their babies in, and never held a baby til I had my ds. I planned to go back to work instantly as well. Didn't happen. I also became an avid bf and was still bf dd when she was 2.5. I had a kind of personality transplant:)

I was never maternal and am still not bothered about other people's children, having to remember to pretend to be interested usually!

I had a child. I certainly wasn't sure I was doing the right thing but thought very few people regret having children but many regret not. And I didn't want to miss out on what was ultimately one of, if not, the biggest, life experiences.

I have a 10 month old daughter who is the best most wonderful thing that's ever been invented. Every day she makes me laugh. She is amazing!

I wasn't interested in having children, but when I was in my late 30s we had to make a contraception choice and we decided to TTC.

My mother nearly fell over in shock when I told her I might have been plying her with G&T the night before, while I only had the T . MIL said 'No you're not!' when we told her. She did the same 2 years later when I was pregnant with DD2.

I was a bit nervous about having them, and would I like them. The midwife came in on day 2 (DD1 was a hint-prem) and found me in tears. I think she was worried about PND, but I explained that I'd just realised that I was really glad to have DD1 and felt so relieved about it.

Not going to lie... I'm not keen on babies and I'm damned glad those years are behind me. I was nearly on my knees with exhaustion at times but you plod on looking after them, manic grin in place, and trying to turn them into something resembling a human being. DDs are 7 and 5 now and I'm really enjoying them. They ask the most amazing questions thank goodness for google and we have lots of days out just experiencing stuff. This weekend was Legoland Star Wars and they dressed up. DD1 was Captain Phasma and kept walking up to the stormtroopers and telling them to 'Report to reconditioning'. Well on her way to our family insanity levels . Apparently I have to dress up too next year.

I find myself more interested in other people's children than I was before, and I'm very fond of a few.

I was always split half and half between wanting kids (with right person) and feeling stigmatised a bit by my mum being a single parent in 70s and we lived quite frugally.

I think if I'd met the right man and we could afford them then yes I'd have had kids, but I knew how hard it would be to be a single mother so didn't have kids.

I have gone through in my 30s and 40s (now 44) strong bursts of almost "must meet a man must have kids" but it hasn't happened and to be quite fair I'm pleased those feelings are dying down now!

If I did by some miracle meet a wonderful man and fall pregnant then yes I probably would have the baby.

My nana (mum's mum) said about my DM and her Dsis that she wished she'd never had children the first wasn't planned although my mum was. She did have to cope with WW2, my mum being a very sickly baby (jaundice, typhoid dysentery etc) and in hospital a lot of her baby time (nana and my mum's baby time together) and my nana also had to but wanted to work (she was a career woman and had her own business).

I do know of one or two women who got pregnant to please their DH and have since had more than one child and are content but I do think it can be risky. I know of more than woman who's either single or married but deliberately chose not to have children.

I don't think they're the be all and end all and you certainly shouldn't have kids to please your OH/DH.

I never wanted children, the thought never entered my mind until I met my DH. He made it clear pretty early on that he wanted children, non-negotiable. I thought I'd probably be able to talk him out of it, but eh no, and I really really really loved (love) him. After some deliberation I sort of decided to take the plunge (eek). I now have 2 children (how the hell did that happen?) and they are both the BEST thing ever. I am not going to lie, I find parenting hard, my husband is much more a natural at it, but it's one of life's greatest adventures. Don't get me wrong, it changes your life and I do sometimes want to put them to bed at 4 in the afternoon or send them off to the childminder for an extra day, but the hugs and wet kisses I get from the 8 month old are the best thing ever (the 2.5 yo only loves daddy at the moment).

Nope, not the least bit interested in them- something I made very clear to DH. But he wanted them so much that I gave in after 6 years and we had DS. I was heading for 36. He is now 16 months and I love him to bits but am not interested in anyone else's children at all

I wasn't particularly maternal, although I love my kids - now grown up - and think I was a good mother.

I had no desire to hold other people's babies and never felt "broody" when I saw a new baby.

Now some of my friends are becoming grannies but this has no interest for me either

I barely like people, let alone children. Never really had thoughts of a family growing up. Was told by a doctor i would be unlikely to conceive and even more unlikely to carry to term. I grieved a little after that as i felt my choice had been taken away.

So obviously now (in a classic twist) i have a 3 month old son. First weeks were hard, awful even. Now i get these beautiful smiles and its totally worth it. He's wicked, still not keen on others though.

Oh FFS Victoria grow up!

I was actually directed here many years ago by Google to a thread on reclaiming PPI (yes really!) stayed, viewed Style and Beauty, then litter tray etc and never left.

This site is not exclusively for mothers or those wanting to be one, OK?!

I'm not sure if I like this "not very maternal" phrase. I think that what it really means is that you don't coo over other peoples children. It has nothing to do with the desire to have children yourself.

Before ds I was only ever interested in one child, my first niece. Couldn't cope with her as a baby but from about 4 onwards she was amazing. Not bothered about other nieces and nephews or friends children.

Nappies, sick, drooling made me gag so no interest whatsoever.

But I always logically knew I wanted a family so took the chance and had ds(12) and since the moment he was born (or even before) he is a joy and pleasure and I love watching him develop and grow everyday. I love him to pieces. Wish I'd had more, but it wasn't to be.

fafoutis I felt the same. I actually felt a bit sorry for my friends with children as I though that although they loved their children they must have been jealous of mine and my husband's care free, expensive holiday, cinema on a Monday, theatre on a Thursday, cocktail bar every night, life. I was really really wrong.

I'm glad I waited till 37 and did all those fun things but they really don't compare in any way to having your own child in terms of absolute fulfilment in life

With regards to cats I always remember my best friend. She was obsessed with her cats and not so fussed about children saying she was an animal person not a child one. But when she had her first child she actually couldn't bear her cats for a while. She felt like they'd tricked her into thinking that was love but it obviously was nothing compared to how she now felt for her child!

Also, you rarely hear of men being described as "not very paternal"...

pandora I didn't like others children but nor did I really want my own either. I was on the fence until it happened. I wasn't maternal but now being a mother I am

I never really understood what that meant maternal. ..I like some children I think it's really odd when people say they love kids as if they are all the same.
Saying that my children are the best and I like most of their friends..In fact spending time with them is actually quite fun mostly.

I didn't want children but found myself pg by accident at. 33, cried myself to sleep for a month then lived in denial for the rest of my pg, refused to discuss it with anyone and would usually walk off if anyone mentioned it. Didn't bond at all until 2 weeks in.

Ds is 14 now and I've worshipped the ground he's walked on since that two weeks. I won't lie and say it's been plain sailing since then, I found being a mother hard, but ds is just amazing. I've even gone on the have another, who is just as amazing.

Still don't like other kids and newborns do nothing for me.

I didn't want any and we have five between us :) Love them all, don't always like them but can't imagine life without them, I think I would have been missing out... But there would have been more money and more sleep I suppose :)

I've always been a bit of a hypochondriac and not keen on icky stuff or messy babies. Fell madly in love with DH and he was broody so wanted to make a baby with him.

Still not keen on babies 25 years on but my own baby was so remarkably unique and special and wonderful and much better than any other baby born before or since so it worked out for us. Wouldn't have wanted any other baby though. Quit while I had the best one in the universe.

Strangely it seems most mothers think they had the best one in the universe and some of them think they had more than one of the best ones in the universe.

Which is nice for them but I know mine is the best - even if all the other mothers think the same.

I expect you'll be similarly mistaken that yours is the best one. Wrong - mine is.

I think it's possible to not like other peoples babies but adore your own.

I was always polite and ahhed over a baby/child if i saw one, but inside i was thinking it was annoying (i remember saying once the most annoying sound was children laughing ) . However, my children (which i started having at 35, expecting the 3rd at 39) are fascinating and wonderful and the best sound in the world is that of them laughing, laughing together is best.

I was never maternal. People used to laugh at me holding a baby because I was so ill at ease and never knew what to do or say to them. Yet they were thrust at me because I was female, and we all love babies, right?

And yet around 30 I suddenly felt the urge to have children. Not a desire, you understand, but an urge. I fought it, tried to tell myself I didn't want it to happen, but it jsut wouldn't go away. Talked to DH who hadn't been fussed about babies either and decided to stop contraception and let nature take its course. I was kind of hoping I'd got too old.

But no, pregnant at 39, found out it was twins, and life has never been quite the same since. I love them to bits, of course, but still really struggle with other people's babies. Older children like my own are OK, but my first reaction to this day is to think that I don't really like kids.

Haven't read the full thread. I too am not maternal at all!

I am quite awkward around children, I never changed a nappy and had only held two babies before I had my first son. I had him in 2012, fell instantly in love (and felt an overwhelming sense of love for my husband too) and 4 years later I've just had his brother. I fell instantly in love again and I really enjoy being a mum. I adore both of my boys and would do anything for them, but I am still not a maternal person and struggle around other people's children.

I wouldn't change anything for the world, having your own children is a completely different ball game!

I adore my first