AIBU to ask if you weren't maternal/ wasn't a fan of children...whether you had children yourself..?

[Brighttulips]

....And if so, how did it turn out?

I am just not maternal, in the slightest. I don't look at children at all and find them endearing or cute (apart from a couple of exceptions and that's only occasionally!)

I am 32 next month and am thinking that perhaps my maternal/ biological clock will never start ticking. Maybe I will never be a fan of children or desperately long for one of my own....but time isn't on my side anymore, my DP would love to have children and he'd make a fantastic father. I would want to be married first, but I guess, really if I am going to do it, I would need to start TTC by the time I was about 34.

Has anyone ever just taken the plunge and found that they adored their own child...just never anyone else's?

I was never maternal, didn't particularly like children - certainly couldn't relate to them in the way I'd seen others (including dh) do. I did end up with 2 DSDs when I met my now dh when I was 23 but always tried to be a grown up friend to them rather than maternal (after all they had a mother anyway!) I related to them fine because they were DH's and tbh very easy to love. But wasn't desperate for my own.

Fast forward 14 years and I have a 5yo ds and another on the way. As any mum will tell you I love ds more than life itself and wouldn't change a single thing. Having him has been my greatest achievement in life and my biggest success - I have adored each and every phase of ds's childhood to date. I remember doing a 'speech' at his first birthday and saying that although I'd only had him a year, I felt like I'd known him literally my whole life. It's very difficult to describe.

I still don't take to many other children and as a rule don't actively engage them in conversation unless they're ds's friends. But when it's your own it's very different.

I'm 32 and not maternal at all, I have never felt broody. I adore cats and genuinely coo over cats/pictures of cats etc... I'm currently pregnant with our first child, I don't think it's a prerequisite to feel an overwhelming broodiness/maternal instinct before becoming a mother. I'm relying on nature to kick in when our baby arrives, I know I will probably still be indifferent to other babies/children but I'll find my own cute, along with the cats of course

I've never had any interest in babies - I don't want to cuddle other people's babies and general find anything to do with under 3s quite boring. This worried me quite a lot when I was pregnant with first DC - however I was hit with a complete wave of love when I first held her in my arms - it was a really physical feeling and I found her and subsequent DS absolutely fascinating and bewitching. Still "meh" about other people's babies though (although I always make sure to show an interest).

I do however adore children from about 3 upwards and always have (lucky as I am a primary teacher).

I've never been maternal - while I don't like children, I don't dislike them either - just not interested. Never wanted to have a baby. But then suddenly, at 34 I really desperately did, and we now have an amazing 2 year old DD. I don't want another one - I'm perfectly happy with the one. Love her to bits, and hanging out with her is a joy, but I'm still not interested in other people's children. Everyone keeps saying that broodiness will kick in, but I doubt it - the thought of having another baby fills me with horror. I do, however, really really want a puppy.

Like this thread ....feel amongst my people

DH and I were both happily child-free until mid-30s, then gradually came round to idea that it might not be such a bad idea after all. We were both still ambivalent though and also thought we'd probably left it too late so agreed to let fate decide but commit 100% to whatever the outcome was.

Upshot was I ended up having twins aged 41. Neither of us have regretted it: we both adore our children and I like to think we're reasonably (others seem to think very) good parents. That said though, we can both see how the alternative version might have panned out and I'm sure we would've continued to live a perfectly happy and fulfilled life if things had turned out differently.

I certainly don't feel that my life would've been wasted without kids and it annoys me when people suggest that we were somehow misguided in not wanting them earlier.

"I certainly don't feel that my life would've been wasted without kids and it annoys me when people suggest that we were somehow misguided in not wanting them earlier."

Yup, same here. I enjoyed my child-free 20s and 30s and can also imagine that we'd have had a perfectly happy (if different) life if we hadn't had DC.

I'm interested (and really not in a bunfight sort of way) in the posters who associated "not feeling maternal or broody" with not wanting to breastfeed. I did breastfeed (still do) and I still don't feel particularly traditionally maternal. Maybe I'm a sort of breasted dad.

I have a 10 month old daughter, she's a delight.

I still don't much like other people's children though. A friend has two children I like and that is it.

I particularly dislike children on scooters, which isn't restricted to parks by law as I would like.

[waves at any Daily Maul bots reading this thread]

I never wanted children. Couldn't ever imagine it and it wasn't the life I wanted. I met my partner. He has a child he had when he was very young (he doesnt see) and didn't want any more either. I turned 30 and I dont know why but I changed my mind.
Now I have an 11 month old who is trying to walk (!), we have had to move house, I am back at work and my life is totally manic. Nothing at all like it used to be, BUT I LOVE IT, even if I am a miserable cow and constantly tired!
Don't get me wrong, I never got broody and not maternal over anyone elses child. I don't itch to hold peoples babies and would rather decline to hold one than accept when offered...but it is different when its your own. My mum was never a cuddily parent but I am with mine.

Oh and I forgot to add. My 'mummy' friends that we met at baby massage are a constant source of support, on hand 24/7 via Whatsapp!
They are like a life support machine and I think without them it would have been 10x harder. I am not one for meeting new friends but having my LO has made this happen and I couldn't be more grateful for them!

Absolutely! I didn't consider myself maternal, used to run a mile if someone offered a baby for me to hold, and thought little kids were irritating show-offs. But I did always want my own kids for various reasons. During my pregnancy I felt utterly detached from the baby (none of this loving it already business) and even after DD was born I kind of felt like there was this unknown creature in my house. But from about 4w I fell head over heels with her and I've never looked back. I ADORE this beautful, crazy, loving, unique little person more than I ever thought possible, and motherhood has fantastic rewards I had never foreseen. So much so, I'm now pg with no 2

One thing that surprised me was how much I prefer older kids (the talking kind) to babies - always thought I'd be the other way round but I found the baby stage exhausting, cumbersome and often downright boring drudgery and am pleasantly surprised how interesting my DD are now they're hilarious inquisitive little people.

But sorry Alis, I'm afraid they're inseparable from their scooters ...

I never found children even remotely interesting until I had my own. I knew that in the abstract, I wanted them, but not because I particularly liked any children I had thus far encountered!

I love being a Mum and am nauseatingly sentimental about my 2 children. After they go to bed, DH and I will watch videos we've taken of them that day, or even old ones. It's revolting. :)

This is me! I never had that 'feeling' of wanting a baby. I never particularly want to hold them, or babysit other people's toddlers, even now.

However, interestingly, now that my daughter is a teenager, I realise I really like all her teenage friends, and look forward to chatting to them. I couldn't really deal with them when they were toddlers. It's actually made me wonder about fostering teenage children.

I also loved every minute of watching my own daughter grow and develop, despite the lack of maternal feeling, so...make of that what you will :-/

Yep, me. No interest in them at all. Love the bones of the ones I've got now, quite a shock to me!

Ooh, this is me!! I was the most anti-having children, non-maternal person you could possibly imagine. Totally BORED by children. I mean, I didn't object to other people having them, obviously, but I was so thoroughly against having them myself that I sat my then-boyfriend (now my husband & father of my child) down a year or so into my relationship and told him that if he wanted children he needed to find someone else. I thought they were a ball and chain and they ruined women's lives and careers.
We had our first child when i was 35. I mostly felt sick and 'what have I done' when I saw the positive pregnancy result. Had baby. Felt far too shell-shocked to have any idea what my emotions were. No idea what happened but I am now (child is 3) a normal, happy, loving mother. I am still BORED by children & especially babies. No interest in anyone else's kids. No interest in spending time with children. Child care/ the entertaining of children with play doh & similar is boring drudgery to me (by contrast my own mother loves it, so not everyone feels this way). I still think having children has to all practical purposes been a bad decision (career is buggered, financial independence shot). It would certainly have been a more sensible decision not to have them. But I love my child and enjoy his company and am happy. So yes - if you do decide to have kids, then I am sure you will be fine :) . If you are like me, you won't change - you'll be the same, gloriously unmaternal person, only with a child who you like and are happy to have. :)

Yes.
Not in the least maternal and had my children in my 30s. Adore them and still not over keen on anyone else's. I loved being pregnant and thought a miracle had happened to have these beautiful people. They are a source of pure joy.

I'm so glad I'm not alone!! My dh wanted a baby and I just wanted a dog. He got me a dog so I felt obliged to give him a child. 5 years later, we have two and I wouldn't change a single thing. Except if they could just go through life only wanting to spend time with eachother and not insist on dragging other people's little darlings into my life, that would be OK. And completely reasonable IMO.

No one will make you smile as much, nothing will make you laugh so much. That rush of pure joy when you go into their bedroom in the morning and see them kicking and smiling in their cot and so happy to see you. Nothing can compare. If you even have 0.001 per cent doubt that you might regret not having kids then give it a go.

Not maternal, loved cats and thought that was similar.

Have a DD, 2 failed pg (born far too soon: love and miss them so much) and enjoyed being a Mum so much. Really miss the newborn days and toddler days when I was so short of money to enjoy them. Now financially comfortable, I would love to do that again. Actually have the best house for children now too.

Guess I'm going to be a Nanny eventually - once DD settles down after living her life the way she wants to. Off Backpacking soon, destination unknown.

Loving and adoring your own children and remotely liking other people's are entirely different things.

I'm one of two sisters; I was the one who wanted kids and she never did. Turns out I'm not as maternal as I thought I was. I have 3 kids between 7-1 and although I am head over heels in love with them, I do yearn for time away from them (I struggled a lot with unexpected DC3). On the other hand my sister has recently had her first and has been amazed at how much she loves her DD.

There aren't any guarantees in life. Maternal pre-kids doesn't equate to devoted mother.
I have a lot of love for my kids, my niece and my nephew.