AIBU to ask if you weren't maternal/ wasn't a fan of children...whether you had children yourself..?

[Brighttulips]

....And if so, how did it turn out?

I am just not maternal, in the slightest. I don't look at children at all and find them endearing or cute (apart from a couple of exceptions and that's only occasionally!)

I am 32 next month and am thinking that perhaps my maternal/ biological clock will never start ticking. Maybe I will never be a fan of children or desperately long for one of my own....but time isn't on my side anymore, my DP would love to have children and he'd make a fantastic father. I would want to be married first, but I guess, really if I am going to do it, I would need to start TTC by the time I was about 34.

Has anyone ever just taken the plunge and found that they adored their own child...just never anyone else's?

Hate all kids belonging to others. Really quite endeared with mine.

I was really quite indifferent to children, I never really understood the appeal. I got to 32 and thought well I'd better have some. We went on to have three and they are the greatest joys in my life I'd die for them

I LOVE babies but don't like toddlers much.

Whatever you do, don't have children purely to please someone else. Make sure it's what YOU really want before you ditch the BC.

My mother never in a million years thought I would have children. I didn't dislike them I just didn't like them.

I had been with dh for approx. 8 years and was 30 so thought lets give it a go. It has been the best experience of my life. My love for my two boys I cannot describe. Everyone else's kids - meh!

DS is 4months. I was never maternal, broody or wanted kids.

DH wanted kids, I was 32, financially and emotionally we were ready so off we went- I came off the pill, tracked ovulation and we dtd on the required dates. We went to friends and spent time with them and their 1 year old. That weekend I totally changed my mind, I definitely didn't want kids. Told dh, who was upset but we agreed to talk about it in a year and booked a holiday to Peru.

What do you know, we hit the jackpot first time! I was pregnant!

DS is the best thing ever. But being a mother is also the hardest job I've ever done, so it certainly isn't to be entered in to lightly.

I never cooed over babies, infact I was the only one who didn't go over when a colleague brought a baby into the office. I was never broody. Infact I used to think kids were just annoying. I loved my nieces and they taught me how to interact with kids but I still didn't want my own... Then I accidentally got pregnant and felt maternal straight away. I adore my DS, the love is so powerful. I just became so motherly overnight! Because he's mine it makes him so interesting, even his farts are cute And now I can interact with other kids easily but still don't have much time for them.
I think many people love their own children but don't like others. Go for it OP!

My sister: never wanted kids, though when I had dc1 she fell in love and quickly changed her mind :) she loves her dc and mine but still isn't keen on other people's equally I have friends who don't want them and that's it, they find it very condescending to be told that their bio clock will eventually start ticking. Decision belongs to you and dp, if it's a deal breaker for him you owe it to him to consider it, but if you hate the idea don't do it just for him!

To state what should be obvious - the people who chose NOT to have children are rather less likely to be found on Mumsnet.

There's also a very strong taboo against saying that you regret your children or that if you had your time again you would choose not to have them.

Someone who had a child to please their partner and then wished they hadn't might be less likely to choose to post. So we don't know how many of them there are, or whether you are likely to be one.

"You'll never know unless you try" is a risky approach to take to something that can never be undone, and that has so much influence over another person's life.

I'm definitely not the maternal type. I hate the fact that in social situations, as a woman, it's expected of me to coo over other people's kids and hang out with them. The Dads never have to do that.

Having said that (and before I sound too grizzly!), I have two DC and I love them more than life itself. They bring happiness and delight to me every single day and I adore the very bones of them. Even when they're cheeky!

So, I love my kids but can't be fussed with other people's.

Never maternal, hated kids in fact - thought they were chaotic, noisy, messy monsters! Never even really thought babies were that cute. I didn't want children but DP was always broody, even when we got together at 18...

Then something clicked when I turned 27 and realised I would be quite a lot older than my parents were if I did have a baby, and then I suddenly dreamt about babies constantly. It truly was a biological thing, my logical brain still disliked kids but I was crying because I needed a baby! The whole time I was pregnant I felt no connection, I was utterly unmoved by both scans, I found the kicks repulsive like I had an alien in me!

The second DD was born I fell completely in love The relief was overwhelming! She's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Not sure how I ever ended up with two as I never really liked small children. I used to joke that I liked kids when they were old enough to make you a cup of tea.
I love my own, but they are 19 and 23 now. I think my intolerance of other people's grew as mine grew up. God I sound horrid but I'm not I promise.
I work with children but they are 11-14. They are also autistic and non verbal with challenging behaviours. I adore them all and skip into work because I enjoy it so much but hand me a small child or toddler and I'd run

Never maternal or wanted children - didn't quite not want them either, but hadn't really decided and had set 32 as an age to start discussing it. But we decided to have them when a member of DH's family was terminally ill in a 'what the hell' kind of way when I was younger and it happened straight away.

I love the DC to bits of course (although I am not the best parent and l am not sure I really should have had them; parenting is harder than I could have ever imagined).

Another one who never wanted children here. I accidentally got pregnant at 40, my life was going through a tonne of changes so thought I'd just ride this one out and see what happened. Well pregnancy was tough because I never reconciled myself with actually having a real child and the dread of the changes it would bring to my life were truly depressing.

Fast forward three years and my DD is now 2 and a bit. She is (on the whole) wonderful and I can honestly say she is the only person I would kill or be killed for. I still miss my freedom and find having a child as an older mum exhausting - although younger friends say it's exhausting regardless of when you have them. I am glad I've experienced motherhood but had I not got pregnant I think my life would still be fulfilling and happy just in different ways.

OP, I would never advise someone to have or not have children but I do think life is all about having experiences and having a child does make you see the world in a different way.It is incredibly rewarding but also knackering, expensive and unrewarding too!

Never maternal pre dc. Had no interest in other people's children or babies. However I always knew I wanted my own and would adore them

I had never as much as held a baby when I became pregnant with DD1 when I was 31. Do and I were kind of but not definitely contemplating having a baby and must have got a bit lax. At the time, I was working really long hours and was never home. My manager lwas shocked when I told him I was pregnant, and followed it up quickly with ' um er congratulations' and 'I am sure you will be a good mother', while trying not to laugh. I was back at work within a month of DD1 being born and life carried on as normal.

4 DCs later, I have no regrets. The world didn't stop, work is still mega important to me, I still go to a ridiculous number of gigs and festivals , I still see my friends and I adore my DCs. Thanks to be not abandoning my career, there is (just) enough money to keep everything going and DCs seem to have thrived on benign neglect. I think it is easy to overthink the whole 'should I have children' thing when maybe just going for it and seeing what happens is a better option.

I never had the slightest interest in having children and actually for most of my 20s and early 30s I probably wouldn't have conceived anyway (did a lot of competitive sport and didn't have periods).

After getting injured at 35, I decided that if I got pregnant it wouldn't be a disaster and I would just see what happened. Rather surprisingly I conceived quite quickly and then went on to have an unplanned second child a year later.

Obviously I adored my own babies, but I was never massively keen on the baby stage - children are a lot more interesting once you can have a conversation with them. I still don't understand what it's like to feel broody: small babies (or at least ones that don't belong to me) do absolutely nothing for me.

I now have a teenage daughter who is adamant that she will never have children - we'll see. At least I dont have to worry too much about unplanned teenage pregnancies.

I've never felt broody in my life. Even as a child I didn't like playing with dolls.

I do have a DD though - she was unplanned! And although I wouldn't change her for the world I definitely don't want another one.

That said, I don't think not feeling broody = unmaternal, not if it actually happens. I surprised myself in how I embraced motherhood and I do believe I'm pretty maternal with DD. I'm rarely enamoured with other people's kids though.

Misti my dd sounds like yours, at 19 she adores children and babies but is completely adamant she wants none of her own. She tells me she wants to be a crazy cat lady but with a house full of scottie dogs.

Ds (23) is not fussed one way or the other. His gf says she doesn't want children but I'm not convinced this relationship is one that will last forever so who knows.

My sil had the same no kids outlook but her dh was desperate for children. He'd married her knowing she didn't want any but still spent ten years bullying her. Just as he'd Stopped nagging over it she fell pregnant by accident. Lots of soul searching was done and she decided to keep the child. She was just finally starting to enjoy the pregnancy and look forward when she lost the baby at 5 months . Horrendous time for her all round really, again not helped by knob head bil who saw it that she'd got pregnant once so she could do it again.
She swore never again and is now in her late 40s.

I never played with dolls, cooed over babies or felt massively maternal. Deep down though, I guess I always knew I wanted children. My mum said that when I announced that I was pregnant she was very sceptical! I never had any doubts that I wanted children - I just wasn't an over maternal cooey sort. Please don't hand me your baby cos I feel so awkward and might just drop it!

I had my first at 28 and it was like being mugged! The shock and intensity of love - not straight away mind - I had a long long labour and was beside myself when he was born and told the midwife to take him away as I'd had quite enough thank you!

I reluctantly agreed to her tucking him into bed with me and an hour later I was smitten

I remember wheeling him in his wee aquarium down the ward to get some breakfast and feeling so sorry for the other mums cos their babies weren't as lovely as mine I was quite barking looking back.

Just watching him waving his hands, his facial expressions and generally watching cell division taking place was endlessly fascinating! Likewise for Ds2.

Am still not ultra keen on other people's small babies though. I mean it's not like I poke em with sticks or owt, but still...

I love my children desperately and they are really nice young people!

Was mortified when I got pregnant and wasn't excited throughout the entire thing and was SO ashamed that I wasn't excited. DH and I discussed before getting married and I was always pretty relaxed about it. We agreed to have a couple of years of just us but he was leaning on sooner than later. When I found out I was pregnant that's when I realised that my indifference was actually leaning moreso to not wanting kids right now. I was newly married with an excited DH, MIL, SIL etc etc and felt so ashamed. I kept it a secret and everyone just thought I was nervous/shy from all the attention but I was dreading becoming a mum.

Wait for the cheesy bit......

Then DD was born and the second they places her in my arms I fell in love etc etc [insert gooey stuff]

The funny thing is despite be accepting and loving DD more than life after she came along it didn't make me broody or want more. I'm happy with one but DH would like 73636372829282 more.

When I was younger I honestly didn't think I'd ever have children.My childhood was really bad nearly all the time,so I think that put me off.
I also became an Auntie when I was still a very young child,I saw how much they're parents struggled and I helped look after them all alot.
They're all grown up now though and most of them have they're own children but I'm still very close to several of them and they're children,my great nephews and great nieces.

But I've always loved children,even when I was a child myself I'd always have younger children wanting me to play with them,they're parents asking if I'd watch them and I went onto work with children before I had any children of my own and I continued working with children after I became a Mum.

I've gone onto have 5DC and I don't regret having children(despite the fact that the 20 year old come home worse for wear and was ill in my garden tonight and he has to be up for work at 7 in the morning)it can be exhausting off course,even more so for us sometimes as 2 of our DC are autistic and with in a year of having our 5th DC DD8 I became seriously ill and ended up disabled myself.

But honestly if I'd become ill and disabled without having had children and without having met my DH I honestly don't think I'd have pushed myself so hard to fight the brain damage I suffered and if I hadn't I wouldn't be here today.

I'm not maternal at all and until I had DS actively disliked most children. I found them annoying and invasive and they just aggravated me.

Biological clock kicked in and I now have a son. Honestly? It's like the sun came out in my world, I love him so much. Yes, a lot of 'childcare' (he's still a baby) is very boring but he's just the most wonderful person I have ever met. Weirdly (or not?) I am also much more tolerant of and interested in other people's children. Screaming toddlers are still annoying and I really struggle with teenagers but on the whole I like kids much more now.

I'm still not 'maternal' though, whatever that really means, and I'm no earth mother (couldn't breastfeed, wouldn't co- sleep etc) but my son is the best thing in my life. No regrets and I'd have lots more if I was able to (which I am not likely to be).

Wait, 3 or 4 of you have posted along the lines of 'i don't like kids, never will, haven't got kids, never will'..... so why on earth are you a member of and posting on Mumsnet boards? I normally lurk. This is actually my first post, but I've had to ask, because I find that a little bit weird tbh... I mean if you wanted kids or were TTC fair enough, but if you're saying you hate kids and never want them I really don't understand what you're doing here!!

Perhaps just me...

To the OP. I didn't want kids for the longest time. It wasn't because I didn't like kids, but rather that I thought it was an awful world to bring a child into! When I met my DH he told me that the likelihood of him having children was small due to a medical issue (although he had wanted children if he could have had them). And as I'd already been dealing with PCOS for a few years I thought to myself well I'm not fated to have children then, there you go!
Something changed though, when DH asked me to marry him. I accepted, then had a little wobble where for a few weeks I kept asking myself if I was doing the right thing and was I just setting us both up for heartache in the future if we decided to start trying for a baby after all.
I managed to pull myself together because I loved my DH and wanted to marry him, and told myself that was the important part and if we didn't have children we didn't, and if we did we did, and also that there is more than one way to have a child.

Then we got pregnant by accident! Lol. We ended up having to rearrange our wedding because I would have been 9 months pregnant! Lol. I had a terrible pregnancy, absolutely awful delivery, but was head over heels in love with my DD the second she was born.
I still think it's a pretty awful world to bring a child into! And I worry and stress about every thing but my DD is the light of my life still at 4. I love watching her grow and learn. I'm dreading September when she goes to school because I don't want to not be with her all day every day!! (Oh, and I was always adamant I wouldn't be a SAHM because my career was more important... nah, that attitude changed about half an hour after my maternity leave finished...)

I hated the idea of having another child at first. I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as my DD. Or sharing my love for her with another child. I was terrified of the idea of another pregnancy and delivery (both were truly awful!).

Now? I'm 34 in two weeks and I'm desperately broody. I can't bare the thought of never having another squish. I just want another baby, even though I also feel that's terribly selfish of me! I'd just like someone to hand me a new born rather than have to deal with pregnancy and delivery again...

Sorry for the essay!! And hello! Ha.