Child excluded from party

[Winterdaisy]

I know this is a common problem but I need to know what to do about it.
My son appears to have been excluded from a 8th birthday party that every other boy in his class attended today. Photos on Facebook.
He says he was not invited as my first thought was he had not passed on the invite to me. He is at a small village school with only one class per year.
My son does seem to have had some friends issues lately and has gone from being in the thick of playing it to hanging out with one other boy (they are both academic geek types) talking mine craft when I drop him off at school.
So would I be unreasonable to talk to teacher and find out what is going on and if he is excluded for a reason ? He can be boisterous and can be a bit too clever at times, may have upset other children ☹️
Or do I just keep out? I have no intention of asking the mother as she is very nice and would hate to embarrass her, or myself if it's because my child has been horrid to hers.

She's saying don't ask every child except the one in question, because that will just reinforce the message that it's okay to single someone out. She was highlighting how awful what was done to your child was, and saying anything remotely hinting at that is wrong.

At least, that was how I read it.

Whole class parties are about primary aged kids, not teenagers. At that age, you can manage it - though if a child was that violent I have to say, I don't think I would be having a whole class party at all. Easy way to avoid the situation.

I don't see anywhere that she has called you a bully, or your child. I really, truly don't.

Again - what your child has been through is every parent's nightmare. And I think parties and the arrangements about them are pretty irrelevant alongside that horror.

No outy you are not a bully in my opinion. You are someone who has gone through, together with your DC, a horrible ordeal.

Like Maryz I believe, in average primary school situations it is unacceptable to exclude one child from a class. Yours was very far from an average situation. The same opinion does not stand. Thank you for divulging the details so we can understand how bad some bullying can get. But I truly believe most if the posts here do not refer to this type of extreme, safeguarding, situation.

I think on the whole I would say it's unfair to leave just one out, but that stance is quite the opposite in extreme situations. I believe this thread is about average party situations and therefore the opinions are written with that in mind.

Outy, I honestly, honestly don't feel Maryz is doing that.

When people post about children and parties, they aren't talking about horrific, criminal acts of violence. They're talking about young children being spiteful and vindictive, and parents not intervening appropriately, whether that be the bullying including not asking the victim to parties (sadly, very common)

Maryz was making the point that people saying it would "teach the bully a lesson" are not being very realistic, because chances are they will be even more determined to make the victim suffer. And again: most victims of bullying are also the ones being excluded from parties, on the whole, because most bullying is by a more popular child against a less popular one. So it usually allows victimisation of an already vulnerable child, when parents are blase about leaving a single child out.

Your situation is so very horrific, that it's almost impossible to apply any of the comments on here to it. Your child was assaulted and tormented in an abusive and terrifying way, and the fact it happened in school is only relevant in that it was an aggravating factor, because she had every right to expect to be safe and protected from this abuse there.

Sorry, x-post. Didn't mean to derail or intervene.

Outy I've just read the whole thread and I think you've misinterpreted pretty much everything that Maryz has said.

I'm very sorry about what your DD has been through.