to teach DS1 a lesson. I need someone to hold my hand.

[hiddengems]

DS1 was 10 yesterday. He had the presents he wanted and family meal plus friend for tea.

His grandad bought him a bike.

Today he had an evening out planned with DH, FIL, BIL, DS2 to a sporting event.

Next weekend he has his party and tickets to another sporting event.

This afternoon we went shopping to spend his birthday money and he wanted to take his new bike to the skate park.

We didn't have time if we were to get back for his night out.

He refused to go. Refused to get out of car. Eventually got out of car and took himself off to bed. Stayed there. Refused to come down for dinner. Insisted he wasn't going. BIL tried to speak to him, he refused to answer.

They have gone without him.

He is now beside himself, sobbing, yelling, insisting he was just getting ready to go.

I was supposed to be going out tonight and have had to cancel. I am furious.

I know he needs to learn a lesson but I need some company.

Hes 10 it's a good but hard lesson.

It's shit you have to cancel though,why couldn't dh stay behind?

Gosh that would pee me right off! Still, lesson learnt hopefully. Do you have ? I'd suggest he was obviously overtired and pack him off to bed early (is that possible with a 10yr old? My eldest is only 7!)

As you say, it's a good lesson for him that they went without him.

Do not show him sympathy. Let the lesson work.

Well he'll not try that one again. I understand being peed off if you've had to cancel your night though.

A hash lesson. But one he won't repeat.

He sounds a very lucky boy. Be strong OP. Don't feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for you.

Really really tough... I'd prob have relented since it is part of his birthday treat. ( and he's maybe exhausted and overwhelmed)
How late would he be if you dropped him to the event now? I'd say lesson learnt already.

Well done on following through with your punishment - at this age they forget that parents still have the ultimate say in what goes on.

Sorry you've missed your night out though.

No. Don't relent. He was rude and behaved really badly. He had his chance to behave well.

Can you take him on your trip out and just give him a coke and a straw with a packet of crisps? That'll learn him.

I think youre doing the right thing. Couldnt you arrange a babysitter to stay in with him so you can go out? Maybe one who isnt known for their fun personality

Dare I say that he seems to have received a bit too much! Sorry, but it does seem a bit excessive to me.

He's a very lucky boy!

So he refused to go & threw a strop because there was no time for the skate park as well as his treat tonight? Don't relent, he had his chance, he made his choice & now he has to live with the consequences (& I also have a 10 year old & would do the same).

It's rough for you, but the best lessons learned are the self inflicted ones and he has still got other stuff to do next week. So hang in there, he screwed up and is learning the consequences.

Well its not really a punishment when it was him that refused to go!

Sounds like a lucky boy! Also sounds like he let it all go to his head a bit. Don't relent, he made his bed, he can lie in it. I doubt he'll try any pull a stunt like that again.

I'd stay firm and let him sit with his upset. It's maddening that you've missed your night out, but he's got another do next weekend to look forward to and he hasn't exactly missed, with multiple other birthday treats. Perhaps he was a bit 'over-done' with everything this evening - maybe a lesson there for you too - don't arrange too many things on the same day?
Let him have his cry and then have a calm chat with him and reassure him that the other treats will still go ahead as long as he apologises. Missing the event tonight is enough of a punishment for what has happened, but he needs to realise that he is not the only one missing out.

Well he's cut his nose off to spite his face there. To be honest I'd be in giving him a telling for shouting and going on like a 3 year old when the situation is of his own making. Not shouting and screaming at him, although I bet it's tempting when you've missed out on a night out, but explaining why he only have himself to blame and that you expect an improvement in behaviour if he doesn't want to miss out on next week's event.

Then pack him off to bed with a book. Could you maybe have some wine and a takeaway of your choice tonight? Any films or box sets you've been waiting for some time to enjoy?

On one hand I can see why you are standing firm. If you give in, it means to him a few tears and you will change your mind.

On the other it is his birthday and it is a one off special treat. Not like he can go another day is it?

I think I would go up, explain how disappointed I was with his behaviour but because it is his birthday if he gets himself ready NOW with no messing about, we can go

I sympathise OP. I'm going through a very trying time with DD (also 10yo) at the moment and know how hard it can be.
No advice really because I don't know if I'm doing the right thing myself half the time atm but here to hand hold anyway.

He is 10. He understands the meaning of consequences. Don't back down x

So he gets to tantrum, be rude to his uncle and still go out for a treat usual?

Birthday day or not at 10 he's too old to get away with that

Oh you poor thing. I don't know what I'd have done but I hope you at least have something nice to eat and some wine for yourself tonight?

Harsh but necessary. I am wondering how you have my DS living in your house though - sounds very like him.