to teach DS1 a lesson. I need someone to hold my hand.

[hiddengems]

DS1 was 10 yesterday. He had the presents he wanted and family meal plus friend for tea.

His grandad bought him a bike.

Today he had an evening out planned with DH, FIL, BIL, DS2 to a sporting event.

Next weekend he has his party and tickets to another sporting event.

This afternoon we went shopping to spend his birthday money and he wanted to take his new bike to the skate park.

We didn't have time if we were to get back for his night out.

He refused to go. Refused to get out of car. Eventually got out of car and took himself off to bed. Stayed there. Refused to come down for dinner. Insisted he wasn't going. BIL tried to speak to him, he refused to answer.

They have gone without him.

He is now beside himself, sobbing, yelling, insisting he was just getting ready to go.

I was supposed to be going out tonight and have had to cancel. I am furious.

I know he needs to learn a lesson but I need some company.

I think you've done the right thing op. I would probably talk to him once he's calmed down and make it clear he faced the natural consequence to his actions.

When DS was younger he had a thing for throwing his stuff when he was angry. I told him that the next thing he threw would go in the bin.

He Thew his new car and caravan and them chucked them in the bin. DS couldn't believe I had actually done it, and still remembers it about 5 years later!

He's had the presents he wanted, friend over for tea, a new bike, a party and another night out still to come and he thinks the world's against him? Heaven help him later in life then, he clearly has no sense of what some other children have to cope with.

He comes over as having the attitude that he deserves it all - reminds me of this cartoon a bit.

It won't do him any harm to realise that the family doesn't revolve around him even on his birthday weekend and that he's extremely lucky.

Well it's a fairly basic, useful lesson really, isn't it?

Piss about & not be ready on time & you will be left behind.

Taken further & you won't be asked anymore!

Stay strong

You've done the right thing op! He's had a full day where so many people made it about him and he's very lucky. He sounds ungrateful and got a bit carried away with his entitled attitude. So it's a harsh lesson learnt but he will get the message for sure.
He's 10yo so not a small kid who still is finding his way.

Seriously - the world needs more parents like you who stick to their guns although I'm not sure I'd have bothered with the hugs especially in light of the snapping pencils etc. Not until he was showing a decent amount of remorse.

He has behaved appallingly, is old enough to know better and needs to know that you mean business or he will run rings around you when he is a teenager. He is not a toddler and knows exactly how he should behave. It was his choice not to.

It's a hard lesson for him, but he'll know not to do that again.

Once he's calmed down I would explain to him calmly that his silly sulking not only deprived him of his night out, but also caused you to miss yours. And I would say that I would hope he's now sorry. I think I would expect him to say so, too.

To those saying 'oh can you just take him now anyway as it's his birthday' - it isn't his birthday. His birthday was yesterday. It might well be nice to have a whole day where you get to call the shots but today is the day after his birthday and he's behaving like a spoilt little sod.

It sounds to me like he's had too much (not just in terms of presents) and is overwhelmed, hence the brattish behaviour.

If he doesn't learn the world isn't his to command now (a little late imo) then he's going to be a total nightmare as he grows up.

I don't think that it's been that full on for him, has it?

Presents & a birthday tea yesterday, shopping this afternoon followed by an event that he didn't go to.

Hoping to go out with bike tomorrow to a skate park, which may or may not happen.

On top of all the things he's had (including the opportunity to go to the sports event), why is he also having a party next week? Must it go ahead? If I were you, I'd cancel it and have a night out yourself, to make up for the one that has been ruined tonight.

Nice wee boys dont throw tantrums, be rude to their family and refuse to engage when someone tries to talk to him.

What utter fucking bollocks.

Maybe. But part of growing up is learning to apologise if you've behaved like a twat.

I try very hard not to treat the people that matter in my life like shit.

Thank you all.

He is suitably remorseful and realises that he's behaved like an idiot.

I've told him he can go to the park tomorrow if he apologised to DH, BIL and FIL.

I'm not actually sure that OP had any choice in what to do in this situation. The choice was entirely her son's - go to the event with the others or don't go. He chose not to go and now regrets his decision and it is now too late to do anything at all about it, so quite why people are jumping in with "oh I would just take him" is completely beside the point. He CAN'T be taken now, end of story. The fact is that he was given chance after chance to go, he even had his uncle pandering to him to encourage him to go on what is, after all, a fecking treat FGS - he ain't being led to the gallows.

OP, you haven't given any details on exactly at what point he was sobbing saying he was just about to get ready. Was it after they've just driven off or a long time after that? I think had it been me, if they'd literally just driven off, I would have tried to phone them and got them to come back, no fuss shown about the inconvenience, just everyone forget about the aggro and get on with having a good night. If phone wasn't answered, tough titty, not much else you could do.

OP's DS is 10. I have a 10 yr old and he can strop, but he knows when he is cutting his nose off to spite his face and would have gone on the event with a bit of a face on, then come out of his mood in a short space of time. OP's son sounds incredibly spoilt, if he wanted his desires satisfied immediately about the skate park, E is quite old enough to be told "we haven't got time for that today, I told you earlier we wouldn't, we are going to the event. But we will come back tomorrow."

That said if your DS had asked earlier in the day and you'd said you could go to the skate park after shopping, and then you fucked up the time/took too long shopping so that he then couldn't go, I can understand his disappointment. If you promise someone something (any age) you should have a damned good reason for then not doing it. Was he stropping because you went back on a promise?

Ps. He is teaching himself a lesson, YOU aren't. You don't have any part to play apart from talking things through with him about consequences of our choices and helping him to deal with his feelings of regret.

Sounds like things have all worked out for him anyway. He would have been an even worse nightmare next time, if you had rushed out in the car to take him way after the time the others left.

So now he knows actions have consequences.
Well done OP.
I wish more children learned that lesson.
Sigh.
We'd have less crime.

Well done OP. Hoping he apologises. That's another important lesson to learn.
Even the nicest kid can behave badly. They need to learn from this though. Do apologise and be forgiven. Then don't do it again!

Sounds like he just got himself in daft state. Even 'nice wee kids' do that sometimes. I think you were perfectly right in your response though. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

He's better today although did have another strop this morning about tidying his room before he went out. He knuckled under fairly swiftly though.

Thank you everyone. I know there was little else I could have done but was glad of the company while I did it!