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Original poster

to teach DS1 a lesson. I need someone to hold my hand.

120 replies

hiddengems · 23/04/2016 18:09

DS1 was 10 yesterday. He had the presents he wanted and family meal plus friend for tea.

His grandad bought him a bike.

Today he had an evening out planned with DH, FIL, BIL, DS2 to a sporting event.

Next weekend he has his party and tickets to another sporting event.

This afternoon we went shopping to spend his birthday money and he wanted to take his new bike to the skate park.

We didn't have time if we were to get back for his night out.

He refused to go. Refused to get out of car. Eventually got out of car and took himself off to bed. Stayed there. Refused to come down for dinner. Insisted he wasn't going. BIL tried to speak to him, he refused to answer.

They have gone without him.

He is now beside himself, sobbing, yelling, insisting he was just getting ready to go.

I was supposed to be going out tonight and have had to cancel. I am furious.

I know he needs to learn a lesson but I need some company. Sad

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 23/04/2016 19:25

This is exactly the sort of lesson that will affect how he behaves when he's a teenager! Maybe not consciously but setting clear boundaries and sticking to them means you are laying good guidelines for when he is a teenager.

Spandexpants007 · 23/04/2016 19:26

He's behaved very badly and missing the event is a natural consequence. He needs to apologise to BIL too for messing about.

Bogeyface · 23/04/2016 19:27

OP I dont mean to imply that you child is a little shit and its all your fault btw!! I think all kids do things like this, I remember one such occasion when I ended up not going on a much looked forward to camping trip with guides because I decided I didnt want to go to guides one night and it was when the money had to be paid. Mum said that I didnt have to go that day but that I would miss the trip if I didnt, but I was so determined to win at this point that I wouldnt give in. I was gutted when I realised that she was right and I couldnt just pay the next week. Totally my own fault and a lesson learned!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2016 19:29

I agree all kids do things like this. Which is why I was asking if he was usually nice or there was a pattern.

Franny1977 · 23/04/2016 19:30

It may well all have been a bit overwhelming to the point where he felt entitled to everything he wanted then couldn't cope with being told 'No'!

I really feel for you Flowers I think you're doing the right thing giving him cuddles but explaining that this is the consequences of his actions.

Tough one when you'd all put so much effort in!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 23/04/2016 19:31

Sorry things turned out like you described.

A friend's 12 yo did something similar last year. They were going to see Stomp, a special treat for all, but she just couldn't behave.
My friend called me the night before begging me if I could look after her DD and she offered to take DS1 instead.
So we did just that. Her DD was very upset and promised to be good the next day but my friend wasn't backing out and I was so proud of her for putting her foot down! (DS1 had a great time btw)

Your DS will not forget that there are consequences to bas behaviour and that you will carry them out even if you have to suffer too.
You are a good mum. Well done. Star

MyAmDeryCross · 23/04/2016 19:31

Good on you for standing firm. It's so hard and makes you feel like a heartless bitch but giving children boundaries is really important and they will respect you for it.

It's a shit about your night out. Can friends come to yours with booze, pizza and chocolate?

Bogeyface · 23/04/2016 19:31

Doesnt matter if he is usually nice though!

He behaved that way and the consequences were that they left without him because he wasnt ready and was refusing to even discuss it with anyone. What else could they have done? Everyone be late on the off chance he would deign to grace them with his presence?

The OP has said that she couldnt take him even if she wanted to, so its a moot point.

He acted badly and he missed out, not down to the OP or anyone else, and as I said its a good lesson for everyone to learn.

FearOfFlying · 23/04/2016 19:34

I've not rtft - but on your OP I would say it is a harsh but good lesson.

And well done. I'm not sure I could have done the same, (I like to think I could, but I can be too soft.)

wonderingsoul · 23/04/2016 19:41

I dont care if my 7 year old was given a zoo and got sonover whelmed he was rude hed bot be going.

You didnt even threaten it... HE refused to go

I wouldnt be pussy footing around him. Hed be told it was hes choice to act like a spoilt brat and do himself out of the activity and now he has to deal with the fall out.

And i saw as hell wouldnt be making him a movie night. Hed be going to be normal time no extras to make up for it ethier.

pointythings · 23/04/2016 19:45

You are doing the right thing standing firm. He needs to learn the lesson, especially as he has a habit of being entitled.

I would also bin the Nerf bullets and make him pay for replacement pencils.

diddl · 23/04/2016 19:50

He acted badly & has missed out, but has also made you miss out.

So what will be the consequence for that?

Isetan · 23/04/2016 19:51

Too much for one birthday, do you think there's a correlation between his sense of entitlement and the amount of attention/ stuff he gets?

You aren't punishing him he's simply facing the logical consequences of his behaviour. Ignore the whinging and the woe is me manipulative bullshit.

Almostfifty · 23/04/2016 19:53

Send him to his bed and tell him you won't be taking him to any skateparks tomorrow if he comes downstairs again.

You've shown him that his behaviour has consequences. Keep it up and he'll start to realise this is how it's going to be if he misbehaves.

SuffolkNWhat · 23/04/2016 20:04

I teach this age group. You are doing the right thing by standing firm.

Daffolill · 23/04/2016 20:15

I did pretty much exactly the same thing as a child, I remember crying in bed as I heard the car drive away but I wouldn't give in and go even though I really wanted too Blush

Definitely nip it in the bud, I was hard work then and still am now tbh!

WhoWants2Know · 23/04/2016 20:18

I think I'm meaner than most of the other parents here, as he'd not only get short shrift for his behaviour but he'd be facing further consequences for making me miss my night out.

usual · 23/04/2016 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doobydoo · 23/04/2016 20:25

Stand firm op he is 10!

DistanceCall · 23/04/2016 20:35

OP, I'm saying this in all kindness. He is spoilt. And he got spoilt by his family, which includes you (the fact that you need your hand held to "teach him a lesson" speaks volumes).

It's not the end of the world, and in my book too much love is far, far preferable to too little. But you do need to start setting boundaries and limits if you don't want your son to become a massively entitled adult who thinks the world owes him something.

I do understand that it's hard for you, but you need to stand firm and not be selfish (i.e. do the easier thing, which is continue to spoil him). Possibly it would also be a good idea if his father and male relatives gave him a good talking-to.

LindyHemming · 23/04/2016 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 23/04/2016 20:40

It might well be his birthday but he's been given an awful lot for a ten year old. Seems like he might well have been overwhelmed by it all, plus somewhat inflated by the 'it's MY birthday' vibe. You did the right thing - hell, you didn't even have a choice, they needed to leave. He's still got other things happening for him, so it's not like his only nice thing was taken away. Destroying property, even if it's his own, is out of line, birthday or no, however.

Hope you can rearrange your time out.

imwithspud · 23/04/2016 20:42

I don't think there's anything mean about what the OP has done. She may feel mean doing it because her DS is upset and no one likes to see their DC's get upset, but ultimately he behaved badly and he did bring it on himself by being difficult and entitled and the natural consequences of that are that he misses out on his treat. That's not mean that's setting boundaries and enabling him to learn a lesson about how his behaviour has an impact on himself and others around him.

Youarentkiddingme · 23/04/2016 20:49

He chose not to go. For whatever reason he didn't want to get dressed and go. He has now seen that actions have consequences and they can be harsh.

However if he does this a lot I'd take the opportunity to ask him why he got so upset, why he felt he needed everything he wanted in the one day and how he thinks he can do things better next time.

Some people just can't deal with lots of things together or make logical choices when they are overwhelmed.

I wouldn't punish him further - but then I'd say you haven't punished him thus far - he made the choice not to go for whatever reason.

Fizzielove · 23/04/2016 20:52

Stay strong and let him learn his lesson. To be honest I know my response would have been "well it serves you right!"

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