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AIBU?

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Original poster

to teach DS1 a lesson. I need someone to hold my hand.

120 replies

hiddengems · 23/04/2016 18:09

DS1 was 10 yesterday. He had the presents he wanted and family meal plus friend for tea.

His grandad bought him a bike.

Today he had an evening out planned with DH, FIL, BIL, DS2 to a sporting event.

Next weekend he has his party and tickets to another sporting event.

This afternoon we went shopping to spend his birthday money and he wanted to take his new bike to the skate park.

We didn't have time if we were to get back for his night out.

He refused to go. Refused to get out of car. Eventually got out of car and took himself off to bed. Stayed there. Refused to come down for dinner. Insisted he wasn't going. BIL tried to speak to him, he refused to answer.

They have gone without him.

He is now beside himself, sobbing, yelling, insisting he was just getting ready to go.

I was supposed to be going out tonight and have had to cancel. I am furious.

I know he needs to learn a lesson but I need some company. Sad

OP posts:
wheresthel1ght · 23/04/2016 18:54

Stay strong OP! We cancelled dss's birthday party last years after months of appalling behaviour towards me here and towards his mum at hers. He was awful, refusing to speak, refusing to eat anything, being exceptionally disrespectful and then expect his dad to gloss over it all.

He was warned several times that if he carries on the party would be cancelled. He continued and party never happened. He was livid but his attitude here and at his mum's has improved leaps and bounds.

Sometimes reality needs to hit them like a sledge hammer.

Shakey15000 · 23/04/2016 18:55

I'd stand firm, try and get a sitter and head out yourself. Any whinging would be met with a "well, you made your choice"

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 23/04/2016 18:56

It's not his birthday, it was his birthday yesterday.

He was incredibly rude & badly behaved. At 10 (or 9) going to spend your birthday money, family dinner & sporting event in the evening is not so much it's overwhelming, there are some very overly pandering tolerant parents on this thread. I'd tell him to make a sandwich if he is hungry & take it back to his room & that he can spend the evening up there writing an apology to his Grandad and Uncle. I'd tell him it's 'lights out' early as he clearly needs some sleep.

He's barely 10 and refusing to get out of the car, refusing to come down to dinner, refusing to get ready to go out ...nip it in the bud now, before it's too late.

...and yes, book a non fun baby sitter and go out.

MadamDeathstare · 23/04/2016 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBB1982 · 23/04/2016 18:57

Hugs from me, I'm in a similar (ish) position today. DS aged 4 wanted to go to soft play today but we said we'd see his grandparents first. He was stroppy the whole time and quite rude to his grandparents (there is a long back story to the tense relationship to be fair to him).

Told him to stop with that behaviour or no soft play. He didn't so no soft play. Very apologetic after the event and lots of heartfelt years but we've stood strong.

Don't think he'll repeat that performance in a hurry.

Feels awful seeing your kids upset bit we're their parents and sometimes we need to do something that feels bad to ensure they grow up with good manners

Original poster
hiddengems · 23/04/2016 19:00

I'm not that bothered about going out.

He is feeling very hard done by /world against him. I have given him lots of hugs and 'choices & consequences' lectures.

However he has also been quite destructive. Snapping pencils in half, tearing up nerf gin bullets etc.

This isn't out of character for him but it has been quite a while since he's behaved his badly.

It all got a bit much for me so I've called in my sister. She has nipped round and taken him for a stern march round the block.

OP posts:
Happyinthehills · 23/04/2016 19:00

When DS2 was a day short of 10 his behaviour drove us to threatening to cancel his birthday celebrations (very difficult as he and DS1 share their birthday) if he didn't return to his room and cool down, he didn't and we had to follow through. Now twice that age he says he deserved the punishment as he understood all about consequences.

PedantPending · 23/04/2016 19:00

Too much!
Birthday itself, shopping, outing and a party. Loads of emotional pressure on your son to be happy, grateful, excited etc.
He is 10 and you are being most unreasonable to expect him to cope with all this (as an adult would).
Back off and scale things down or spread them out.
At 10, his grandpa's present of a new bike was spot on and he should have had time to enjoy it.

VagueIdeas · 23/04/2016 19:01

Sucks that you lost your night out OP, but he was a bit of a brat and now he's learning an important lesson.

I bet he won't pull an epic sulk like this ever again Smile

ptumbi · 23/04/2016 19:02

He's 10!! He's had presents, indulgences, treats, - and more to come!
Yes he is prob exhausted and overwhelmed, and totally pushing it to want more (skate park) but he is absolutely old enough to know how to behave! I'm afraid I would not indulge that in a 5yo.

He has also ruined OPs night out as well as his own. And prob soured BIL, OP DH and DS night out too, losing them ticket money.

I would certainly not put myself out any more by encouraging him to go to the sporting thing.

DarkBlueEyes · 23/04/2016 19:02

You're doing the right thing. Personally I'd get a sitter and leave him behind and go out. That'll really make him think. It's a powerful lesson to learn.

usual · 23/04/2016 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iMatter · 23/04/2016 19:05

Nerf gun bullets that are ripped up go in the bin. His loss, not yours.

The pencils he's snapped - he pays for them.

pigsDOfly · 23/04/2016 19:10

This is very hard but you're right to stick to your guns.

Having said that I do think you've made much too much of his birthday. A couple of nice presents and an outing of some sort is more than enough. His birthday doesn't have to last for days and days with so many events and parties.

I'm not surprised he felt overwhelmed and behaved like a very spoilt little boy, because that's exactly what he must feel like.

hollyisalovelyname · 23/04/2016 19:11

So he threw his toys out of the pram.
And there were consequences
Best lesson he has ever learned ( so far, seeing as he is only 10 ).

TitaniumSpider · 23/04/2016 19:12

He's ten, which is the age of criminal responsibility. Therefore he is old enough to know the consequences of his actions. It's a shame it's his birthday treat though, I think I'd have taken him.

usual · 23/04/2016 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hiddengems · 23/04/2016 19:16

He had all evening yesterday and this morning to play on his bike in the garden - but he wanted to go to a specific skate park this afternoon and a different skate park tomorrow.

We had said that his birthday was Friday and we couldn't take up the entire weekend with him choosing all the activities.

So the shopping was really an hour or so in town but I said he could bring his birthday money.

OP posts:
PeppaIsMyHero · 23/04/2016 19:18

Well done!!!

For heavens sake don't back down now or even imply that it was a bit harsh (it wasn't - he chose this) or you'll be back to square one. Or actually BEHIND square one, wherever that is

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2016 19:18

You lot are hardcore.

If he is usually a nice wee boy I would take him and get him to apologise to everyone

Original poster
hiddengems · 23/04/2016 19:20

Also, I couldn't take him to the event as it's an hour away and I don't even know where it is!

The difficulty (or not) is it wasn't even a punishment or threat we had to carry through. He just refused to go until it was too late.

I may have used both 'cut your nose of to spite your face' and 'you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it'.

I've turned into my mother Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
hiddengems · 23/04/2016 19:22

He can be lovely but is often an entitled little so and so.

This isn't exactly out of character.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 23/04/2016 19:24

Nice wee boys dont throw tantrums, be rude to their family and refuse to engage when someone tries to talk to him. They also dont expect to still get treats despite their shoddy behaviour.

Nice wee boys are created by parents who dont back down when a child has to face the consequences of their actions.

He chose to behave the way he did and that meant that he missed out. It wasnt a punishment, simply a consequence of what he did and its no bad thing that he learns that. Check out www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2620862-In-the-doctors-today-I-witnessed-the-most-extraordinary-level-of-entitlement-Ive-ever-seen? to see the sort of adults you end up with when kids are not taught that bad behaviour has bad consequnces. However, if the destructiveness continues then a punishment for that would not be out of order.

diddl · 23/04/2016 19:24

Of course it was right that they go without him.

Presumably they needed to leave by a certain time & he wasn't ready & that's it.

He's had so much already & even more to come that it'll hardly seem as if there has been any consequence for his bad behaviour.

There's no getting your lost night out back though that was a consequence of his appalling behaviour.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2016 19:25

Everyone has their moments.

However if this is a pattern I agree you need to be a bit more firm in general.

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