to teach DS1 a lesson. I need someone to hold my hand.

[hiddengems]

DS1 was 10 yesterday. He had the presents he wanted and family meal plus friend for tea.

His grandad bought him a bike.

Today he had an evening out planned with DH, FIL, BIL, DS2 to a sporting event.

Next weekend he has his party and tickets to another sporting event.

This afternoon we went shopping to spend his birthday money and he wanted to take his new bike to the skate park.

We didn't have time if we were to get back for his night out.

He refused to go. Refused to get out of car. Eventually got out of car and took himself off to bed. Stayed there. Refused to come down for dinner. Insisted he wasn't going. BIL tried to speak to him, he refused to answer.

They have gone without him.

He is now beside himself, sobbing, yelling, insisting he was just getting ready to go.

I was supposed to be going out tonight and have had to cancel. I am furious.

I know he needs to learn a lesson but I need some company.

I might take him but I'd absolutely make sure he knows I'm doing it so I don't miss my night out, rather than for his benefit.

usual , his birthday was perfect, better than perfect, everyone running around doing things for him, events, presents, outings,
he had a strop about the skate park that will be there everyday; meanwhile BIL etc were going to be late or miss the event planned.

At ten I know I would have not had a melt down. he sound like a very entitled kid & OP is entirely right to let him cry in his bedroom, she has lost her night out to boot...
he has more stuff next week.....
I am totally with you hiddengems, & for what it's worth, this is nothing compared with adolescent melt down, so you are totally right to clamp down now.

Don't relent, you did exactly the right thing. Sorry that you missed your evening out, but comfort yourself with the thought that you're being a really good parent!

Well done. Do not take him.

When my youngest was 3 he unwrapped a Christmas present from my SIL and threw it down, saying he already had it. I was so ashamed and she was so upset.
I took him to a charity shop after Christmas and made him hand it over.
He still remembers it and he has thanked people with grace for every present since.
Have a glass of wine and feel that you have done well, although you feel bad.

Well done, sounds like he needs to learn the hard way

What a shame you had to cancel your night out though

Hold firm.

My db used to do similar regularly. But he'd start the strop about going as we all got into the car. Dm would insist we waited and he'd decide he needed a shower, a cup of tea and just check something on ceefax.
75 minutes later we'd be leaving having missed most of what we were going for.
He was still doing this well onto his 20s.
I missed trains, lost friendships and missed put on many things because of this. But dm always used to say "he's my son, I couldn't leave him upset".

I think she'd probably only had to do that once and he wouldn't have done it again.

He's cut his nose off to spite his face and now has to live with the consequences. Stand firm OP.

He does sound overwhelmed. A quiet night in sounds like the best thing and combines a lesson with some much needed down time for him. It is just such a shame you miss your night out. Bummer.

BUT he is only 10 - his punishment is missing the sporting event, don't add to it by being cold with him. He is probably already full of regret and remorse even if he can't express it. The two of you have a nice peaceful evening with hugs and cuddles, make the most of an unplanned night in together.

Yes you can do that with a 10 year old hownotto - at least I can, and do sometimes :o

I think it isn't a punishment on his birthday, its the natural consequences of his actions - although learning to accept the natural consequences of your actions can of course take your entire adolescence ... if the OP relents every time he throws a strop or refuses to do something in his own best interests he might/ will end up one of those adults who still hasn't learnt and expects to be bailed out of facing the natural consequences of their actions and decisions by everyone else all their life... Although even knowing that I would be slightly tempted to take him late if it is remotely possible (though for a big sporting event it might not be possible).

Sorry you missed your night out OP. I think you are doing the right thing (and probably have no real choice at this point anyway).

Send him to bed as he must be overtired and agree a fresh start/ clean slate in the morning - he still has his party to come.

I think he has had a busy day today and yesterday and you can turn it into a nice evening for you and him without recrimination. I wouldn't go on talking about what has gone wrong, he knows it is his own fault,

I think you are very brave to have followed through, and I suspect he actually had reached the end of his tether, too much fun and subconsciously didn't want to go after all.

Have a cosy evening, give him a hug.

Stand firm.

Particularly as he said he was just getting ready when he was clearly having a massive strop. If he had said he was sorry and hadn't lied about getting ready that might be different.

He has to realise shitty behaviour has consequences.

Have a OP.

If he comes out of his room and apologises, watch a film together and have a pleasant evening. If he stays in there sulking, leave him be. You and dh are doing the right thing.

Personally I think I would be gently but firmly letting him reap what he's sown. It is its own punishment. And as PPs have said, it might all have been a bit too much in one day. A bit of space and quiet time to reflect on it may well work more effectively than any lectures and extra punishments can do.

however, if he comes out & starts complaining.......string him up !

He made his choice to stay in so he has to live with that

I think you should tell him that you were due to go out and now you cannot

So there were consequences for 2 people

I think you should may be tell him that adults make decisions for the benefits of their children
Does he respect his family ?

If he is like this now, what will he be like when he is older

I'm with usual. It's his birthday and it sounds like he got a real shock and will be mindful next time.

My mum used to do things like this to teach me a lesson when I was a child. I still remember them and feel crap about them.

Poor you, OP.

But you have all done the right thing. You've said what you meant, and meant what you said. He has to learn that stroppy, rude, disrespectful behaviour will cause him to lose things, even when he is the birthday boy. In fact, he should be even more gracious when he is the center of attention and getting so much.

Hopefully, he will learn from this.

If you're meant to be going out, I'd get a babysitter, paid for at least in part out of DS's birthday/pocket money, and go out. But that might be a step too evil. Well, he won't pull that again. It sounds like the most enormous song-and-a-dance for his birthday, though, is that the norm these days?

Is there not a local teen you could call to babysit?

Is there not a local teen you could call to babysit?

It was his birthday yesterday and by the sounds of things he had a lovely day. YANBU at all to not put up with that behaviour today. I'd let him know that he's made you miss out on your own arrangements and you're not happy.
Leave him to his own devices tonight, early night and then clean slate tomorrow.

For me it would depend whether this was typical behaviour from him. If it is then I probably would stand firm. However this would be very out of character for my child of a similar age (although not OOC for another of my children before I sound smug!) and depending on whether I felt I had handled the circumstances leading up to it well or not, I might relent and take him.

Unfortunate for you, but if he's reached 10 without learning this lesson it needs to be learned before secondary.