It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

Brummie, you have misunderstood. The venue is not saying that all the rooms must be booked, the venue is saying that nobody can attend the wedding who is not staying at the hotel. The venue has hundreds of rooms so the wedding is not exclusive use and all the rooms don't need to be booked. But the 70 guests have to stay at the hotel or they will not be allowed at the wedding,

Its mad profiteering by the venue !
Surely this a reverse by someone trying to see how much they can get away with overcharging wedding parties by.

Sounds like a completely bizarre rule. I can't imagine anyone in practice would be able to enforce this (thinking of GP in particular - they want to leave early and get home, or family with mobility / disability challenges where many hotels are not that good)

The venue should just charge an appropriate amount for venue hire rather than this strange approach

I would not have gone ahead in this circumstance

Ok so criteria;

Within an hour of Edinburgh airport
Beautiful
All on one site
Good food
Childcare available
Spa/golf course
Can accommodate 70 for ceremony/dinner/dancing (prestonfield house was second choice and failed on that one)
Attitude to service/attention to detail (with the exception of the room issue this place is perfect)
No funny shaped rooms
Not somewhere I've already been to a million weddings
Enough bedrooms should most people want to stay (ironically)

no, we wouldn't come
sorry, but even if you were my sibling, that cost would be prohibitive, if my whole family came, it would be £250 for us to stay for your wedding.
If kids weren't invited, then we would need to plan out who babysits etc and that may not include staying over.

Either way, too expensive for us.

Why does there have to be a spa and a golf courses? This is going to limit options. Surely nobody is going to nip off for 8 holes after the reception. Is this essential?

Crieff hydro too far?

We'll be wherever it is the night before, people are travelling and we want to have something to do before the wedding. DP and his friends would love to play 9 holes in the morning and I'd love a spa to relax and spend some time with my mum, sister etc. We want to be able to back a weekend of it.

Make not back

Essentially the hotel is charging an entry fee to your wedding.
I wouldn't want to give my business to someone with that rule - who knows what else they'll cook up to charge you for...

Are you spa- ing and playing golf on your wedding day?
if people are doing this the day before or after then they don’t need to be at the venue - but at the hotel those people want to stay at..
and hiring a venue room
and a side room - and child minder are a lot less likely to break the bank
you are piling expense onto those who don't want or need it for the benefit of a small proportion of your guests

Crieff is a bit far but would've considered it if the actual hotel was nicer. The lodges and location are lovely but the hotel itself and food were disappointing. That idea but a bit more luxurious would be perfect.

A venue with a rule like this would worry me. It really doesn't sound like a very customer friendly approach. And I think choosing it will cause you a lot of stress. You can't dictate that people have to stay, and where they must stay. Although I do feel your pain when you like everything else about the place. Have you asked them why they have this rule and how well it usually works out for the couples getting married there? I'd be interested to hear their thinking on this! Must put masses of people off.

Well I've paid more for a travel lodge and it sounds nice. I think you could mute it and see what people think? X

so where had this rule, incase its suggested to you again

i dont know about all your criteria but Houstoun house in broxburn will tick most of those boxes, dont think it hasn a golf course on site but there is one close by
it has a spa but not sure about childcare

You seem determined to have it there for all sorts of ridiculous reasons. Fair enough. You've asked, you've had a pretty consistent response. Have it there, but be prepared for your wedding to be small and criticised.

665 we want those at the hotel we are staying at which needs to be the same as the venue due to children. Childcare is for evening ie bedtime rather than during the day so again needs to be available at venue with rooms. Ideally we get all that at the same place but without this stupid rule which means everyone else can choose to stay elsewhere if they wish

The venue is gleneagles

heh makes sense now

again i dont have any idea if it wil fit all your criteria but theres also norton house hotel that has a spa which is about 10 mins from edin airport

As someone who has been to such a wedding:

It's rude to insist people stay at a specific hotel.

You will be left paying for all rooms not occupied- make sure you can afford that.

People will talk negatively about your wedding because of the hotels insistence. Do you really want that?

How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

oh and i wouldnt go to a wedding where its dictated where i had to stay

My closest family and friends are all fine with it- it's just how we would word it to everyone else 😔 I don't want to offend anyone I really don't

Winton House? There doesn't appear to be a spa or golf course, but plenty of other activities or places to sit and enjoy some peace. I'm sure you could book a masseuse or manicurist to visit you at the hotel.

I do think you are putting too many restrictions on your venue. And your guests will be the ones picking up the bill for your choices if you decide on your original location. If I were invited, I'd probably decline for fear of the amount I'd be having to fork out (travel, outfits, gift, accommodation, being held to ransom to pay extortionate bar prices etc).

YABU. Well, the hotel IBU to even suggest it.
The poster on P1 who put this I'd query that. It's a wedding, not a hostage situation has nailed it. Of course you can't insits your guests pay for rooms at your venue.

Out of interest, why are you getting married 300miles away from where everyone lives anyway ?
I can understand being away from family if you've moved to a different part of the country, but then you'd have your local friends from your new life - or the opposite, of "going home" to be married, and newer, local friends having to travel, but I can't picture a scenario of why anyone would get married in a place that no-one is local enough to be able to not have to stay overnight. Obviously that's completely separate to your question, but I'm just nosey