It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

OP's not wrong. From the website:

Please be aware that Gleneagles can only host weddings and wedding receptions when all guests attending are also resident in the hotel. Unfortunately we do not have sufficient capacity to accommodate non-residential wedding guests.

This from a mansion-type venue that says it has 15 function rooms for business events, including a ballroom that can accommodate up to 300 people. Strangely, it's able to accommodate day visitors in its restaurants.

Someone's telling major porkies.

I'm just frustrated because if we booked one of the hotels above, the rooms are £150 each and I'd bet the most people would pay it and choose to stay

But at least your guests would have the option of not staying overnight, or staying in a local cheap and cheerful B&B.

Is it Hotel California?

There is a free crèche facilities to mitigate the young children thing too (clutching at straws)

No, I wish we could but we can't afford the full room bill for 32 rooms in top of everything else sadly. 😔

They've obviously fucked up their licensing somehow. But that shouldn't be the guests problem.

OP, almost everyone has said YABU. Are you ready to accept this venue's not an option yet?

Basically it's just their way of racking up the prices per guest massively, while pretending to be competitive. Knobs.

Gin - in reality, I don't think your husband is going to have golf at the top of his agenda on the day. Imagine what a heel you'll feel if you've excluded/pissed off some of your close friends, and he doesn't even get round to playing golf! It's not worth it.

If it's so perfect and relaxing, go there on your honeymoon instead. It's not a perfect venue for being a good host.

Do they want the ability to run security checks on everyone who darkens their door?

If it's the latter then the only solution I think is to find a way to pay it yourself if you really don't want your wedding elsewhere, and hope your guests choose to stay.

MrsFizzy, the trouble is that even if OP does pay, the guests won't be allowed in unless they're staying.

:o AnnPerkins

No, I wish we could but we can't afford the full room bill for 32 rooms in top of everything else sadly.

But if your family are happy to pay for their rooms? Leaving you free to cover other peoples?

If that's not possible then no. Gleneagles is great, it'd be a great place for a wedding esp if you were bringing kids along. But the rub is that you can't afford it. If the venue is more important to you than anything else, then cut your guest list. But ultimately you do still need to find an option that is within your means - it's not fair to expect everyone to adhere to Gleneagles's rule on this.

There is a free crèche facilities to mitigate the young children thing too (clutching at straws)
Not all parents would be happy leaving their children in a random hotel crèche.

I think you're forgetting your guests are coming for your wedding, not a weekend get away. Forget the spa and golf thing. Concentrate on what's actually important instead.

I wouldn't personally. I'm not even sure how you would word 'you MUST stay in the hotel (and pay for it yourselves) if you want to come to the wedding' politely on the invite.

I'm just so disappointed 😔

I've been to so many weddings where the venue have fucked up, or the foods been crap, or the rooms in an L shape so have the people can't see or the bars in a different room so the room feels empty half the night. It's the one place I've stayed where I have complete faith they'd get it right, there are none of those issues and it's somewhere meaningful for us.

Then they throw this shitty rule in that makes it really awkward. I am looking at other options, just had my heart set on it before I realised this so struggling to get excited by others.

You either have to change venue or if you must marry here then you have to swallow the cost of the room rates entirely. If you can't afford that then you can't afford a wedding here.

I suppose ask yourself who on your guest list won't be coming because they can't afford it. How upset are you that they won't be there. Make your choice accordingly.

I would think you'd need to brace yourself for a much diminished guest list if you book this venue tbh.

Hahaha, silly hotel, this is madness!

OP, if you really want to get married there book all the rooms and hope that enough people pay for them that you get your 50% back.

As for guests having to be residents, assign all your guests to a specific room (I guess the hotel want their names and contact details as residents) - VOILA - residents.

I'm sure many will have sudden and unavoidable reasons to return home after your fabulous shindig, but who's going to stop them?

why does there need be childcare provided by the hotel? If there's lots of DCs coming, it's perfectly possible to arrange it yourself if you book another small function room at the venue and contact local nanny companies, many offer "event" services - where by they arrange 3/4 qualified and experienced childcare workers to come along and run a creche for you. It then might also be possible to arrange for some to stay and do evening babysitting.

Many hotels don't want to offer this as it's a lot of faff if they employ the childcare workers, but would be happy to arrange a spare room for a small fee.

Golf course and spa - both can be 'off site' as long as they are close by, many people won't use these, so don't make them deal breakers.

Find a wedding venue that will suit your budget and focus on what it's like for the day. A hotel that insists guests stay over is not a hotel that's not going ot be flexible about anything, they'll have their idea of how a wedding day should be run and you'll be expected to fit your wedding plans around that, not them fitting service around what you want.

Or the Overlook?

To be fair if I was offered a night at glenagles for £50 I'd jump at the chance. Only you know the finances of your guests - and whether all or most can afford it. I think trying to find a b&b/hotel for much less than £50 would be difficult but agree it's the choice element that's the trouble

What about castle? Doesn't really meet many criteria granted but what a stunning venue and plenty of options for accommodation/spa etc nearby. And because it's city people can Make it a weekend trip and find plenty to occupy themselves

There are about 10 of the list who would perhaps struggle to pay the other half... We'd happily pay for them, but how do we treat them differently without offending? It's a total minefield!

Definitely unreasonable. I wouldn't have anyone dictate to me what to spend my money on or time at.

I'd give up and look elsewhere. If they are laying down rules about guests being resident, they aren't a company I'd want managing my wedding.

Alternatively if this venue is that important OP maybe work out how much it would be to cover the cost of all the rooms for guests, because you can't ask people to come to wedding and divvy up for their rooms :o just. No. Then work out how much you've got left for 'all the other things' and have a paired down wedding at the venue you want.

We'd happily pay for them, but how do we treat them differently without offending?
You can't. It won't stay secret of you try to do it on the quiet. I've been on here too long and seen too many wedding aibu's.