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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my friends daughter?

397 replies

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:24

Am thinking yes.

She's 3. (I know, there are going to be a tonne of outraged SHE'S 3 posts. But stay with me.)

She demands to be carried everywhere. Won't go in the pushchair (she's a bit on the big side for it anyway) and friend has a younger DD as well who is 9 months and is generally carried in a sling or pushchair. So either friend has to struggle and stagger with the weight of two children or carry one on her hip with the other in the pushchair,

She wants what she wants immediately. Now. She will scream she wants a tissue. Friend gives her a tissue. She will continue screaming and screaming that she wants a tissue. These screaming fits are pretty much constant.

The younger child is pretty much ignored since friend is constantly dealing with older one, and you can't talk to friend at all due to behaviour of child 1.

So here are my questions - AIBU to think friend should possibly be encouraging child NOT to behave like this, and avoid friend because of it? The screaming is hard on the ears.

And when do they behave like humans? This child will be starting school in 16 months and surely won't be behaving like this then?

OP posts:
TooOldForGlitter · 22/04/2016 16:47

Same as above.

Consider my case rested also.

Charliechuck94 · 22/04/2016 16:59

I don't think you are. I'm in a similar situation atm. My friends child is very violent and has no respect for anyone or anything. I have stopped seeing her after he tried to strangle my 3yo. He is4.

Writerwannabe83 · 22/04/2016 17:05

It's perfectly possible not to like someone's child. Just because they're a child doesn't mean they are nice to be around.

My friend has got a 3 year old who is bossy, rude, demanding, vicious and generally does nothing but scream until she gets her own way. Hardly likeable traits.

Needless to say our friendship has dwindled, which is a shame, but I simply don't enjoy visiting her anymore because her daughter just isn't a nice character to be around.

WaitrosePigeon · 22/04/2016 17:06

but people will be able to understand why as you have a real understanding of parenting.

It's just not the same if you don't have children.

Writerwannabe83 · 22/04/2016 17:16

Unpleasant personality traits are easily noticed by those who don't have children just as well as those who do.

I don't understand why people without children aren't allowed to have opinions about certain behaviours?

Before I had my DS I still knew a nice child from an unpleasant one.

ImNotThatGirl · 22/04/2016 17:23

I rest my case on my child.

zeezeek · 22/04/2016 18:52

Exactly writer. I may have children now, but it took a long time to get here, so I have lots of memories of people saying the same things to me as they are saying to the OP. The thing is, I haven't changed and the behaviours and parenting and even the children who I didn't like then, I would still have the same opinion about now. Even if people don't have children themselves they had parents and so views about how they were brought up, their siblings etc. People are rarely little islands. We all interact with each other, that is society, and childless people are as entitled as parents in having a say in how they want society to be.

Hot2TrotNowFit2Flop · 22/04/2016 21:48

Well I'm just about to drop a shit bomb looking at all your sanctimonious purist replies.
Yes it's ok to dislike a child. I dislike some of my friends kids. Some of them are just little shits. Because they've been brought up like that. No getting away from it, three year olds have personalities and just as with adults, sometimes you just don't like em.
I have a mummy I avoid. Her kid is not nice and upsets my kid which upsets me. As I would avoid an unpleasant adult that I don't like and can leave me strung out for the rest of the day, I'd equally avoid one with a kid.
Don't get me wrong, my 3yo can unleash Armageddon with a tantrum and can vie for attention over his one year old sibling. However his sister has rights too and they are respected. There is a line.
My youngest does get seen to second, sometimes quite often but I'd like to think that her rights aren't taken away by her older brother. Often he just has to wait his turn to in spite of his behaviour. He's mostly really good though and loves his sister to bits often 'looking after her' (cute).
In summary, why listen to that shit if it's ruining your chi regularly? AVOID
And no, YANBU, it's ok to not like some kids. (Sharp audible intake of breath. Stands back for onslaught)

pandarific · 23/04/2016 00:57

The child sounds awful, eesh. But your friend is pandering massively, which just feeds it, so her fault rather than the 3 year olds.

I don't usually think bad parenting, but sure sounds like it to me.

Bumshkawahwah · 23/04/2016 05:59

YANBU

I often don't like other people's children. My aren't perfect for that matter. It does take a while to beat..erm, mean encourage a child out of negative behaviour. So quite probably it is a horrible phase and not necessarily indicative of whether she will be a nightmare child in the future.

Her mum does need to be consistant with letting her know that her behaviour is unacceptable otherwise she can look forward to being ruled by a 3 year old.

Spandexpants007 · 23/04/2016 06:04

The child is a product of her parenting and us going through normal new sibling toddler issues.

VilootShesCute · 23/04/2016 06:06

My 3 year old is like this a lot. I worry people aren't going to like her but there's bugger all I can do about the tantrums and whinging. I can see why you'd not be particularly fond of this girl tbh

Marilynsbigsister · 23/04/2016 06:28

Hot2trot. The voice of reason !

Add to that, wtf is all this 'don't judge' why the hell not ? It's an anonymous forum. Judge away, If I was facing this child on a regular basis, fuck me, my judgey pants would be hoisted up to my ears.

I have been a parent for 21 yrs. I have 8 children (so presume I am permitted an opinion) who have all been through the normal pre-school, toddler hood... NEVER have I had a child behave as the one you describe, neither have I had the dubious pleasure of having to spend time with one that behaves like that.
As much as pp have said that it is normal - my experience is that it is not. It's down to parenting OP. Do not let it put you off having children. YANBU.

As for what to do. Nightmare child must be terrorising some nursery somewhere by now. How about meeting up with Mum when this happens.

Clandestino · 23/04/2016 06:32

Children are like puppies. There's rarely a naturally mean child but there's always a spoilt brat because his/her parents allowed them to get away with murder.
Like I would blame the owner for a misbehaving dog, I blame the parent for a misbehaving child. I would dislike your friend's parenting skills, i.e. letting the girl to get away with murder rather than the 3-year old child herself.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2016 06:40

People actually distance themselves from their friends because their kids are temporarily unpleasant while they are 3?

Fairweather friends then , I'd not be that devastated by the distance if people showed themselves to be like that.

Original poster
Thebrowntrout · 23/04/2016 07:08

Thing is, it makes seeing said friends unpleasant. There's no other word for it.

As I have been told many times Grin I don't have children. It isn't pleasant listening to screaming, whining and shrieking, and perhaps it's slightly diluted when the child is not your own!

In most cases I put up with it because I like my friends

Time will tell with this one. Maybe she was just tired when I saw her

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 23/04/2016 07:13

Sounds like it'd be better to see her when her DC is at nursery, as a PP suggests, or asleep, eg you could pop round to hers for a short visit in the evening. Or even better just meet the two of you in the evening or at the weekend sometime.

Perhaps avoid early evenings! And meeting in places that involve a lot of travel/walking for her, that makes DC grumpy!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/04/2016 07:51

It's probably not that enjoyable for your friend either at the moment. Glad you are trying to stick by her.

Devilishpyjamas · 23/04/2016 07:53

There are lots of people who can't cope with ds1 (he's severely disabled). I don't bother using my precious free time to meet up with them - I use it to meet people who can cope and who are going to be some use in a crisis. Not people too wet to share space with a severely disabled child without getting all uncomfortable.

A whining 3 year old can't be that hard to be around surely? Annoying & irritating yes, but you don't have to do anything except bite your tongue.

honkinghaddock · 23/04/2016 07:54

A misbehaving child is not always due to parenting. Behaviour that is not ' normal' is not always due to parenting.

Devilishpyjamas · 23/04/2016 07:56

Quite agree with you haddock. Thank god I didn't just have perfectly behaved ds2 - I would have been insufferable. Wink

Original poster
Thebrowntrout · 23/04/2016 07:56

Screaming three year old. And yes whining is hard to be around when you cannot do anything else because of it!

Devilish don't even go there.

OP posts:
Bellesbink · 23/04/2016 08:05

Lol at the pearl clutching over a teacher having the audacity to dislike a child.

Original poster
Thebrowntrout · 23/04/2016 08:16

There's a few I can't stand TBH Wink

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 23/04/2016 08:20

Don't even go where?

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