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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my friends daughter?

397 replies

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:24

Am thinking yes.

She's 3. (I know, there are going to be a tonne of outraged SHE'S 3 posts. But stay with me.)

She demands to be carried everywhere. Won't go in the pushchair (she's a bit on the big side for it anyway) and friend has a younger DD as well who is 9 months and is generally carried in a sling or pushchair. So either friend has to struggle and stagger with the weight of two children or carry one on her hip with the other in the pushchair,

She wants what she wants immediately. Now. She will scream she wants a tissue. Friend gives her a tissue. She will continue screaming and screaming that she wants a tissue. These screaming fits are pretty much constant.

The younger child is pretty much ignored since friend is constantly dealing with older one, and you can't talk to friend at all due to behaviour of child 1.

So here are my questions - AIBU to think friend should possibly be encouraging child NOT to behave like this, and avoid friend because of it? The screaming is hard on the ears.

And when do they behave like humans? This child will be starting school in 16 months and surely won't be behaving like this then?

OP posts:
Happy101415 · 22/04/2016 14:05

I just seen you a teacher??

Somebody who openly admits to disliking a child ?
Shock i eould not like my child in your class

honkinghaddock · 22/04/2016 14:06

People always want to blame parenting because they can then believe they will never have the child with the difficult behaviour. Sometimes it is poor parenting and sometimes it isn't.

Original poster
Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 14:09

And guess what Happy?

I dislike some children I TEACH, too! Shock Shock Shock

mind you I did once teach someone who went on to be convicted of rape, I take it that's acceptable?

The point is at the age I get them, they aren't innocent little children but fully formed people. Most are lovely, a minority aren't. The reason I'm a bit Confused with this child is I know 3 is very young to have feelings of 'dislike'.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 14:11

Why do people keep calling modern journalists Lazy?? Confused

That word gets trotted out every single time an MN thread appears on TV or in the newspapers.

It's modern journalism. What sort of twat would take to the streets with a clipboard to conduct their research, when they have the thoughts and opinions of billions of internet users at their fingertips?

I think some people here need to drag themselves into 2016 Grin

ouryve · 22/04/2016 14:16

Blown if I'm going to RTFT, but has anyone said threenager, yet?

3 year olds can be right little arseholes! They're just learning that they can make a conscious decision about what they want, but very often don't actuallly know what they want or why they want it and they usually haven't developed the empathy or foresight to be aware of the impact of what they want... It's exhausting!

zeezeek · 22/04/2016 14:18

I do love the way that the OP is being told not to judge her friend's parenting by people who are judging her friend's parenting and her for daring to suggest that some children are a PITA.

Children are people, some you will like, some you won't. It's got nothing to do with whether you have reproduced or not, it's human nature. I actively despise one of my friend's sons as he is a horrible, nasty, evil little git and has been that way since he was about 10 months - he's now 7. It got to the point a couple of years ago that my DD's would cry whenever they saw him. Now I see his mother on her own. Of course I'm allowed to say that because I've given birth, but the truth is, I would have felt the same way just over a decade ago before I had the kids.

Therealyellowwiggle · 22/04/2016 14:19

Lots of identifying info on here OP.
Does your friend watch LW?

LaContessaDiPlump · 22/04/2016 14:20

Children are people, some you will like, some you won't.

Original poster
Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 14:22

Yes, I agree that the identifying information will undoubtedly lead my friend, with a three year old and baby to realise it's her, as that description is very specific and could only describe a handful of people.

I doubt child lets friend watch Loose Women. She probably screams all the way through it!

OP posts:
DotForShort · 22/04/2016 14:23

I really think it is impossible for a 10-month-old to be "horrible" or "nasty." And "evil"? How can that be possible from any POV?

Of course children are people. But they aren't adults. Sometimes I think people ascribe adult emotions, cognitive skills, reasoning ability, etc. to very young children. And then they are outraged when the children simply cannot behave as adults do.

OptimisticSix · 22/04/2016 14:27

Teachers are allowed to dislike children, the majority of the women in my family were, are or have been teachers and they are human too! As long as they deal with the child fairly and kindly that is the main thing. I'm pretty sure my daughters teacher doesn't like her, but I don't think daughter in question has any idea and that's all that I need to worry about.

Therealyellowwiggle · 22/04/2016 14:50

She's an old friend, you've lived away but have moved back recently, she uses a sling for a 9 month old, she has family around, her friend has an older sibling with additional needs, she's a teacher... I could have a fairly good guess if I was your friend reading this, though obviously I'm not as smart as you OP Hmm

Therealyellowwiggle · 22/04/2016 14:51

Forgot the dog.

Justontherightsideofnormal · 22/04/2016 15:01

Perfectly acceptable to dislike a friends child. Maybe you could arrange to meet up without children I do this as I also dislike a friend of mines son so much that I cannot look at him and the mere mention of his name pisses me off

Original poster
Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 15:02

Are you stupid, Yellow?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 22/04/2016 15:38

Not sure why the outrage over op being a teacher and not liking this child Confused

Teddy1410 · 22/04/2016 15:50

Kid sounds like a nightmare! And regardless of whether you have a 3 year old or not you can still find kids annoying!!!
I love my child, but if someone else's did some of the crap he gets up to I'd find that annoying too.
Stick it out, surely she'll get over it soon... Although to be fair her mother should deal with her!!

TooOldForGlitter · 22/04/2016 16:01

Do teachers have to like every single child they will ever meet? Is this a requirement now, or just a massive overreaction for dramatic affect?

eddiemairswife · 22/04/2016 16:02

What age must someone be for it to be legitimate on here to be dislikeable? People agree that MILs can be disliked. When is the magic age when the transformation happens?

missbishi · 22/04/2016 16:08

What's with all the fuss about OP not being allowed to have her own opinion because she is childfree herself? I'm not a pilot but when I see a helicopter in a tree, I know someone fucked up.

TooOldForGlitter · 22/04/2016 16:09

It's bizarre how much we as a society have fetishised children and parenting. The very idea of saying you don't like one or more of the blighters and horrified disgusted people emerge all over the place. Strange.

DustyBustle · 22/04/2016 16:17

I don't get the SHOUTING fuck off to 'lazy journalists' either. So what if they browse this place for material, who cares?

And I don't get the outrage of disliking other people's children either, or at least not liking some of their behaviour.

WaitrosePigeon · 22/04/2016 16:20

You don't have children.

I rest my case.

TooOldForGlitter · 22/04/2016 16:25

What does that have to do with it? So OP can't have an opinion? Of course she can.

NicknameUsed · 22/04/2016 16:45

I have a child. I still don't like most children.

I rest my case.