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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to put 3 year old with 5 year old in child-contract taxi to nursery as one off and...

257 replies

Bluejay100 · 21/04/2016 19:43

Was nursery right to report me to Health Visitor for doing this, without informing me? I know it was maybe not ideal but my ex husband declined to take them at last minute as he was annoyed I've claimed for child maintenance, and it's an hour commute to my work via that nursery. I also work in a vital healthcare role and need to be in at 8. So not ideal, but is it a child protection issue?? I'm fuming at them.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 22/04/2016 08:36

The three year isn't supervised because the driver is driving?

Does that mean my 2 year old isn't supervised when I'm driving? And what about all the other hundreds of young children who are passengers in the car with just one driving adult?

It reads to me like it's a regular set up for the 5 year old and so the OP probably knows and trusts the taxi driver/taxi company and so made the decision which she thought was best at the time.

And all this lack of supervision for the three year old - what exactly are they supposed to do that's so unsafe whilst they're seatbelted in at the back of a taxi?

I do think the OP should have tang ahead to inform the nursery what she had done but otherwise I think she's getting a bit of a hard time on here.

Let's not forget she wouldn't even be in this position if the Ex hadn't been such an arsehole.

RhiWrites · 22/04/2016 08:43

I agree with writerwannabe, above. I'll add.

It wasn't a regular taxi but a special service.
The children would have been strapped in child seats not raising hell.
The driver supervised them.
We have no idea if the addition of second child invalidated the terms and conditions.

And anyone with versions of you let your previous children go with a stranger? please note you are doing this when you use childcare facilities.

OP, I don't know who you were reported to but if it was to social services I hope they are kinder and more sympathetic than mumsnet has been today. (I think they will be.)

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/04/2016 08:45

And ive just sent my 2yo off in one taxi whilst my 16yo who is less verbal and less able to express concern than the two year old off in another one, no escorts it's a normal school run taxi.

Later on today during a meeting with the social services area manager I'm going to be asking them to fund and facilitate the transportation of 9 children spread across all under 6 in the same type of taxis from and to different venues. In the same room and taking part in the meetings will be 3 currently practising SW's and two who don't work for the LA and the only thing that anyone will even raise an eyebrow about slightly will be the budget.

There will be no escorts funded no parents traveling because that is normal practise.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/04/2016 08:47

Oh and this evening I will be traveling in my own car with 4 kids as a lone adult. Will they be unsupervised?

Eustace2016 · 22/04/2016 08:47

The driver takes care of the children! I have driven with my 5 children and would not say they are "unsupervised". What is the world coming to with all this health and safety over the top set of requirements! If children misbehave in a car the driver pulls over and deals with it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/04/2016 08:52

Oh and the taxi drivers here have had much the same checks as a childminder and not disimiler training

notonyurjellybellynelly · 22/04/2016 08:58

We all seem to be horrified

No, not everyone is horrified. And all the more-so after the post on the last page explaining how these contract taxis work.

The situation may not have been ideal but it was all the OP could think of at that moment and I hope all the perfect mums here don't hurt themselves when they fall of their high horse.

5madthings · 22/04/2016 09:00

Hopefully children's services will have common sense and be fine about it, given they provided a taxi service to take my kids to school and pre school when.i had pnp after ds4 I would assume they would be find. Same set up regular taxi company that has contract with council to take kids to school etc, no extra person in the taxi just driver who collects from house anddelivers kids to school office. This is pretty common for a variety of reasons not just special needs.

firesidechat · 22/04/2016 09:06

I hope all the perfect mums here don't hurt themselves when they fall of their high horse.

Cheap shot jellybelly. Is that the best you have?

Writerwannabe83 · 22/04/2016 09:15

I'm sure Social Services will call mom (they are obliged to follow it up) and realise it really isn't a huge issue.

And yes, the nursery should have told mom they were making a referral. At work we make referrals all the time, and for things a LOT worse than putting a child in a contracted taxi, but we still inform the parents we are doing so.

GoblinLittleOwl · 22/04/2016 09:16

I hope the childcare services will investigate the father's last-minute refusal to take his children to school because of a dispute with their mother.
They should do; he put his children at risk.

Goingtobeawesome · 22/04/2016 09:23

Everyone has already said it so I will ask how many times this will happen because your husband doesn't want to pay maintenance for his children, or was this just a trial to see what you would do?

purplevase · 22/04/2016 09:47

Struggling to see how this is any worse than asking a friend with a 5 year old to take my 3 year old to nursery too. The taxi drivers who operate these kinds of services will have DBS checks and will be used to kids. In fact I think all licensed taxi drivers are DBS checked, so the same as the staff in the nursery.

Nursery has overreacted, and so have most of the posters on here.

SwearyKnickers · 22/04/2016 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RB68 · 22/04/2016 10:04

I have experience of this as well and was asked to put my young 4 yr old (ie just turned 4 in August) in a taxi unaccompanied to school as school transport (on her own as well no other kids). I didn't in the end as was uncomfortable with it as she would have been on her own and was young emotionally as well as actually. With an older child I would probably have changed my tune esp if I had known the taxi driver who tends to be the same one all the time on these runs.

I don't think it is an unreasonable action. Would you let a 3 & 5 yr old in the car with a childminder or Nanny - so why not a taxi driver - is this a "man" thing as opposed to anything else - there is a tendency to get a bit hysterical about men around children even today despite training and checks.

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/04/2016 10:10

What if something had happened to them? You'd never ever forgive yourself, and what an awful situation for you to have put the taxi driver in

Why? The taxi driver was contracted to take the 5 year old anyway. What if the OP's ex took her and something happened to them? Is the OP not supposed to forgive herself for that?

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/04/2016 10:15

A 5 year old and an driving adult shouldn't be expected to supervise a 3 year old

Wow. When my kids were little I drove regularly with a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a baby. Could I not be expected to supervise any of them? Should we ban all adults from driving with children unless another adult is present?

Goingtobeawesome · 22/04/2016 10:22

Childminder and nanny are not the same and it's silly to claim it so.

WexlerandMcGill · 22/04/2016 10:30

Op, i don't want to judge you for the decision you made. As I don't know your DCs and I don't know your relationship with the taxi driver.

Although I must admit that I would never consider it an option. But then I don't even allow my DDs walk ahead of me in the street as I am very fearful for their safety to an unhealthy degree.

I used to work for the local council supervising DCs being taken to school by taxi. The role was known as 'escort' no sniggering if there was no escort, the drivers would not be allowed/refuse to take the children. I also know of a child being abused in this situation.
Was there an escort present?
Did to call the nursery/school to make sure DCs had arrived safely?

Another point, this happened because of the pressure for you to get to work OP, that must be a pretty gut retching situation to be in. Is there anything you can put in place to prevent this happening in the future? It's no way to carry on, my anxiety would be through to roof.

It is the hardest thing to do it all on your own.Thanks

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/04/2016 10:32

It's a tad surprising that a few of you have stated or implied the 5yo is somehow being used as a superviser for the 3yo.

Given that a functioning adult with a dbs check who is transporting both children in his/her place of work that will also have been inspected and have a quality criteria that is expected to be maintained and has full insurance for transporting passengers including children and is also approved by the LA to transport unaccompanied minors (by which ever method the area uses) is present and has agreed to take responsibility for the two children during the journey and until handover to another approved adult. On what planet does that constitute a 5yo being in charge of a 3yo.

Fwiw even a taxi rank pick up in this area from a taxi or private hire that had a valid licence on display in the required way would meet the same criteria because to get the licence they have to all do the same things, it is an offence to not have the required Hackney/private hire license.

SistersOfPercy · 22/04/2016 10:39

Oh look, another 'wind em up and watch em go thread'

2016Hopeful · 22/04/2016 10:41

Can't find the place the thread that explains what a child contracted taxi is but if this means that the driver is CRB checked and used to looking after children, there are proper car seats and the children are taken to the door I do not see what the problem is.

It's not ideal for anyone to have to make a last minute arrangement like that but at least the service exists. I think it is very out of order of the nursery not to discuss it with you first.

Thurlow · 22/04/2016 10:46

I know, SistersOfPercy. 1st time MN user posts controversial and relatively unbelievable thread and doesn't return. Such a surprise...

AnyFucker · 22/04/2016 10:48

swearyknickers

This is my fault then ? Haha, brilliant Hmm

AugustaFinkNottle · 22/04/2016 10:57

I used to work for the local council supervising DCs being taken to school by taxi. The role was known as 'escort'. If there was no escort, the drivers would not be allowed/refuse to take the children.

That was presumably because those were children who had been assessed as needing an escort. The majority of children for whom school transport is provided don't, and that includes children travelling by taxi.