AIBU to object to teenage drinking encouraged by other mums?

[captainfarrell]

My DD is under 16. We don't give her alcohol. To our knowledge she doesn't drink elsewhere. This last year her friends have had birthday 'gatherings' at home till about 10pm, parents are home and some girls sleep over. It has come to my attention via a couple of rogue FB pics and from another mum that alcohol has been at these parties. My DD says she hasn't had any but that others have smuggled it in however on a couple of occasions a couple of the mums bought it for the party.Most of the girls are 14 about to turn 15. I am shocked that they encourage this.Lots of teens experiment but supplying it seems a whole other ball game to me. AIBU?

Well said twenty Alcohol, was never a big deal when I was growing up. We'd always have wine with dinner. I think suoervised is the right way. Rather that, than experimenting over the park, unsupervised

my parents was relaxed with me drinking. they'd let me have a few sips here and there. they'd even buy me alchipops. they saw it as they'd rather me drink in the house with them or friends than go out on a field and get bladdered.

personally if it was me I'd rather the parents asked me first, but if they're sneaking it in then what can the parents do if they're oblivious about it.

I wouldn't supply it for U16s at a party.

All of ours have had alcohol at home, initially just a sip here and there to a small glass. Ultimately, I trust them to show good judgement when we're not there. So far, so good. It's not just the fault of the parents for supplying it, it's also for the kids to take responsibility and the consequent of their actions.

I allow my 16 (17 next week) a couple of tins, I figure that if they want to they will do it behind your back anyway, I'd much rather him come to me and say "mum it's x's birthday can I have a little drink with them" I trust him to only have the two, and we have a mutual respect for each other, I feel confident that he won't break my trust.

And if he has his friend staying and they ask for a couple of beers, I ALWAYS ask the friends parents, I would never just give it to another teen without asking permission

I cannot IMAGINE buying booze for my 14 year old dd

I've never even offered my 16 year old a glass of booze! She drinks coke!

Mind you dh and I don't drink heavily so it's not really on our radar. I don't mind her drinking at parties but she doesn't seem to really.

On the flip side, my parents were big drinkers and let me have free access to as alcohol whilst trying to be my friend
It was a disaster waiting to happen really.

Maybe it is better if you have a healthy relationship with alcohol and its done in a considered way but for alot of people that won't be the case. Alcohol dependent figures are really high in this country.

I have a 16 & 14 yo. The 14 yo has had the odd drink at home on special occasions but I really can't think of a time outside of the home to date where he would drink, but they are all very into sport(I don't know if this makes a difference :o)

Oh and I don't care what other people do with their own children (within normal moral boundaries obviously :))

My parents said to wait until I met the man I marry to have sex, wait until 18 to drink and they never went out or got drunk.

Obviously I started having sex at 14, was drinking straight gin out of a water bottle at school, litre of cider or 20/20 on the streets, jumping out window at 1am. None of my friends with more liberal parents acted like me. I will be giving my 14 year old a couple of drinks at home.

I think that it for many (well it was for me and my friends) an age of curiosity - a massive group of us use to go drinking and smoking joints at that age on Hampstead Heath. Think of all the positive images (rightly or wrongly) around alcohol, whilst I was growing up it was cool to be in the London Indie scene and we all wanted to go out in Camden and party with The Libertines, Razorlight etc - it was all about feeling older and cooler. Now with the popularity of Geordie Shore etc drinking to excess is not only normalised but encouraged, it is no surprise that Teens are intrigued.

My parents are also very liberal artsy types so would let me and any mates get on with it if we wanted a few drinks. We all ended up ok!

A hangover will take away the urge to overindulge

Not with the people I knew as a teenager....or since for that matter..

My grandad used to have wine out at lunch and later and we were encouraged to have a glass.

I got drunk at one of my mum's parties aged 14 with too much red wine and ended up being violently sick in my bedroom!

That experience put me off for a year or so when i started to go to pubs with my best friend and drink vodka and orange and Malibu and pineapple! Of course I got sick and did some stupid things.

I don't know also whether my dad having been an alcoholic (parents divorced when I was 5) ever affected my being able to handle or not drink!

gotta admittedly not for every occasion but it does make you asses whether it's worth it. Its one of the many downsides which teenagers should learn about alcohol.

The UK is far too focused on excessive alcohol consumption being 'normal' for adults not just for children.

I see no necessity for 14 year olds to be handed alcohol as if it is indeed normal

And yet, in the rest of Europe, where indeed this is normal, binge drinking and alcohol abuse in teens is far less of a problem than it is here.

Yanbu.

I'm a bit about the attitude of some of the Parents of ds3's [16] friends.

Ds1 and 2 are 20 and 18 and I don't recall the shoulder shrugging 'well, they're going to drink anyway, we'll supply it' approach that I'm seeing now with ds3 and partying.

OP, the gatherings will increase , prepare your dd to know how to decline booze when offered [if she wants to decline] otherwise have a conversation about it if she does fancy a dabble in fruity, sugary sweet cider!

YANBU to want them not to offer alcohol to your child, but YABU to be so judgey about their choices.

I allow my DS (17) to drink here, his friends who are also allowed do the same. It keeps it controlled, it keeps them away from vodka (which seems to be the drink of choice among the teenagers round here), it stops them from being in dangerous situations (the park is the drinking place of choice here, despite being right next to the river) and they drink far, far less than several of the kids who are "not allowed". Some other parents look down their noses at me as they view me as 'encouraging' DS to drink, which is ironic in some ways because I've never seen my DS drunk, yet their not allowed children have come home from various parties hammered.

I don't drink at all. My parents were alcoholics, however DS's grandparents (he's technically my step son) are Spanish and it's very normal to them to offer a glass of wine or whatever at a younger age and I think teenage drinking is much less of an issue there. It's just about finding a balance and I think that banning things just mkes them more tempting.

I used to drink when i was 15 and my parents never knew that i was getting pissed in a field. So when my dd gets older and starts to get interested in alcohol i will feel like a hypocrite telling her she cant because more than likely she will find out what i done. i dont see why she cant have a few alcopops in a controlled enviroment e.g my house or a trusted friends house.

YANBU. I would consider allowing a 17 year old and one or 2 friends to have a couple of drinks in the house with me (if their parents agreed) but definitely not supply alcohol for a party to under 16s.

I see quite a few PPs have said something along the lines of -they might provide alcohol but not to children who's parents said they were not allowed. With all due respect isn't that a bit naive? I think either the children who are 'not allowed' will be given alcohol by other children, or there will need to be a big fuss made about who can and can't have alcohol which may lead to those that can't being ridiculed.

It's a MYTH that France yadayada doesn't have an alcohol problem!

*YANBU. I would consider allowing a 17 year old and one or 2 friends to have a couple of drinks in the house with me (if their parents agreed) but definitely not supply alcohol for a party to under 16s.

I see quite a few PPs have said something along the lines of -they might provide alcohol but not to children who's parents said they were not allowed. With all due respect isn't that a bit naive? I think either the children who are 'not allowed' will be given alcohol by other children, or there will need to be a big fuss made about who can and can't have alcohol which may lead to those that can't being ridiculed.*

This.

Exactly what I was thinking as I read the thread. There's a big difference between allowing your own dc and a couple of friends to have 1 or 2 drinks (with parental permission) and supplying it to a large number of young teenagers at a party.

Also it IS illegal to buy alcohol with the intention of it being for a minor. The law is not really helpful .Unbelievably, it is only illegal to give an under 5 alcohol at home !

I dont see the issue with a little alcohol at home.or a friends provided the parents consent