AIBU to not want to socialise with someone convicted of sexual offences related to children?

[tomhardyonthewaltzers]

Am I losing my mind? because apparently I'm being unreasonable!.

A friends wedding is coming up. Invitation arrived ages ago and I accepted. I was really looking forward to it as would see lots of friends from Uni I haven't seen for years.

One of our old friendship group was several years ago convicted of making and distributing child abuse images. He got a suspended sentence. His GF was also part of our friendship group and she stuck by him. I cut contact with both of them.

A few years later he was caught again and jailed this time. GF found out she was pregnant just after he went inside. Again she stuck by him and they now have two children together and are still a couple but not living together since he was released.

They're both invited to the wedding which I only just found out. So I told friend who's getting married that I won't attend now because they're going.

So now I'm being pressured by the rest of the friendship group. Told that friend who's getting married is devastated, that her wedding won't be the same if I'm not there to watch her get married. Can't I just put my opinion aside for one day? That they don't want to see him either but wouldn't let the bride down. I was even called selfish!.

I CANNOT watch him laughing and joking at the reception or having a dance or whatever. I just can't watch him enjoy himself knowing what he's done and I am more angry with his partner really, although I know that's unfair but I just can't fathom her thought processes at all.

Would anyone on here be able to put it aside and go? I do feel guilty about letting my friend down and upsetting her and it seems like I'm the only one of our friendship group making this decision.

If I was a guest at that wedding and the bride did not tell me that was a paedophile there I would be livid.
At her.
She has every right to invite who she wants but parents need to know this information. She is not helping the situation by pouting because of cancellations
At parties a lot of parents relax and do not watch their children like an eagle. If anyone was to happen, damn right I would blame the bride.

Where have HQ disappeared to while Add is behaving like this?

I'm very disappointed.

Add had twice refused to answer my question.. maybe i should ask it a 3rd time.

How would you feel about him looking at your children knowing what he did?

I know how i would feel... i'd want to take a poker to his eyes for so much as glancing at them.

But then, i would be right there with the OP.. only i would go one step further, and tell the entire group of them to fuck off for even considering socialising with him.

Come on now Olivia you've had plenty of time to warm up the delete mittens.

OP I am sad that this thread means you feel you want to leave.

It can only be a short time before we see a name change to Goadytrollnet.

I'm out too.

Because it's not personal insults...

I honestly worry I'm going to get myself into trouble with MNHQ for all this but it really has to be repeated: Their handling of this thread has been appalling. Absolutely appalling.

I think she could have attended or not without making them feel it was her or the other guest.

One last try, Addto. She'd already accepted the invitation. When asked why she was no longer going, precisely what lie do you think she should have told, precisely why the bride would believe it, and why do you say she should have lied?

And do you think that other guests bringing children to the wedding should be told about this man?

Please answer Maddy's questions Add.

She's only asked you about 4 times now...

Being a lone voice isn't goading. You have all sworn at me, called me a paedo apologist and generally behaved like a baying mob.

I have taken a view about the wedding and I thought the OP was BU. I gave my reasons. I defended my reasons. I've tried to avoid mentioning posters by name, or answering hyper-charged posts.

I have got something useful to say, if you'd just listen. Hundreds of thousands of men like this guest live amongst us. We have to work out how we deal with that as a society. Making life difficult for the wedding couple is not the best way.

Answer Maddy's questions.

This thread is beyond pathetic and offensive.

We totally get that this is obviously a heated topic.
BUT please keep the "fuck off you twats" to a minimum, yes?

But Olivia - sometimes a 'fuck off you twat' is warranted.

I mean, what the fuck else can you say to posts like SGB's first one?

There are some disgusting views and very questionable individuals on this thread, and in this case I really don't think it's wrong to call them on it.

Nobody has to deal with it knowingly. The OP is chosing not to have to.

And you are an apologist, which raises more than a few questions about you, to be frank. I certainly wouldn't trust you with my children.

OP, YANBU, well bloody done for taking a stand. You should be applauded not hounded into changing your mind. The bride is a twat for inviting this scum.

Are there going to be children there? The parents have the right to know they are mixing with a paedophile scum bag. Is the bride going to tell them? If I went to a wedding where I took my children and the bride knew and invited a paedophile I'd be livid and probably wouldn't associate with her anymore!

she isnt making life difficult for the bride and groom, they have made a decision that she isn't willing to support.. she is standing by her principle as a decent human being.

The fact they're willing to invite him, and the rest of the group thinks the OP should put aside her principles for their sake, tells me none of them are worth her time or upset.

They dont DESERVE her consideration... what consideration have they given their other guests who will be likely bringing young children into his presence?

Addto, my posts ask perfectly straightforward questions. They aren't charged or hyper-charged. You not only repeatedly fail to answer them, you repeat allegations that have been debunked. If you don't want to be characterised as deliberately goading, try answering.

Oh for god's sake ......... I seriously cannot believe what I am reading on here.
I am not one to chirp and add in my opinion but seriously ADD you are deluded, not to mention taking over a thread to get your kicks on something so serious and disturbing!!!

OP - YANBU - not at all , no way would I be in the same room as that man!!!

Add, do you actually know what Category 5 images are? I mean, what the definition is?

Those kids are real people, you know. Just as real as the bride. You are all sympathy for the bride, and yet I've not really seen any evidence of similar levels of empathy over what was done to them. If of course they survived, they may well have known it was being recorded, and that a far wider audience would be re-victimising them. Imagine if you were subjected to sadistic rape, and you knew it was filmed so the rapists could share and profit online - and that the footage would be shared for years to come, so other equally sick fucks could enjoy your suffering. Because that's what this is. It's constant revictimisation of some desperately vulnerable children, who were subjected to sadistic sexual torture. And the man in question sought the evidence of that out. Because he liked looking at it.

So, so much was stolen from them. So much. And yet a participant in that should be meekly accepted, and the OP quietly attend a social event he's asked to which is meant to be about family ties and new beginnings, because it's more important that the bride enjoys her wedding despite choosing to invite this participant in violent, sadistic abuse of children?

You think a bride's absolute right to unclouded enjoyment of her floral arrangements, big white dress, and disco matters so much more than these children should?

I just don't think you are joining the dots, here.

I hope someone sends this to a rag.

The bride is entitled to invite who she likes and the guests are free to go or not go. I don't think that the OP was entitled to 'make it all about HIM' as she said in her earlier post. I think it's about the bride and groom. She describes them as friends, and I think she could have attended or not without making them feel it was her or the other guest.

The bride and groom and are entitled to do whatever they want on their wedding day. But if they decide to have their first dance to "Do You Wanna Touch Me?", and then play nothing but Gary Glitter songs for the rest of the reception, they may well find that some of the guests don't want to join in with the singing and dancing. That doesn't mean the guests would be turning the reception into a "righteous crusade" (WTF?), just that they didn't feel comfortable.

I still don't understand how the OP could have simply said, "Sorry, I'm busy." She'd already accepted the invitation. Honestly, I think there are very few people who would cancel a friend's wedding in favour of another social occasion.

My uncle was a paedophile. We (dsis and I) were "lucky" as he liked boys. He abused them under the guise of social outings organised by the church. He was very, very, very religious you see. Much more worthy than my sinner divorcee mother (his DSis). I just knew he was bad, I don't know how. He never did anything to me but he felt strange to be around. I didn't have contact with him from about 8 for 30 yrs.

We found out when he was in his old age that he was a convicted paedophile, only because my mum had been told by a social worker that he was not allowed to possess images of children, so don't give him pics of family - she was his Power of Attorny as he was classed as vulnerable I think. They hadn't had contact for about 35 yrs then in the last 2 years of his life she sorted out his finances. She was massively in denial how repulsive he was. She had suggested he be invited to my wedding. We knew nothing then. I suspected though.

When he died, I took my mum to see him at the hospital and was glad he was dead. I just felt revulsion looking at him. He had a Christian funeral, buried in a churchyard. People talked about his work with immigrants and children. Yet he was terrible.

Stick to your guns OP. They don't change. Stand up for your beliefs.

Does anyone know how he would have got a ruling not to be allowed to possess images of children - pictures of family etc. Never heard of that before.

I think it is a huge leap to accuse someone of being an actual 'paedophile apologist' for giving their opinion on a thread. i don't think addto deserves to be smeared like that. Going way too far with the personal comments.

Please see my post. While I accept that one situation can not be applied to all, is it worth the risk?

There is a lot of evidence that viewers of these vile images become desensitised and seek more and more extreme images (and therefore maintain the market) and when that isn't enough go on to commit the actual crime.

As I said friends vile parent used his grandchilds party to groom parents. Thankfully one of these was a bit about how eager he was; and how quickly he backed once he found out she wasn't a single parent and googled him when she got home. Her DH thought she was being a bit extreme till he saw the newspaper reports.

That's what happens, people minimise , and abusers take advantage.

Honestly I'm pleasantly surprised at the lack of apologists on here. Until I met/became friends with A I'd always assumed that everyone would/was appalled by child abuse/abusers.

She is open about why she is no contact with her parents. She doesn't shove it in peoples face's just if asked she'll say I don't speak to my parents.
If asked why, she's says because my father participated in child sex abuse. And my mother choose to stand by him despite have the means and money to leave.

You be amazed, I was, and then shocked by the amount of people who will do the 'but he's your dad/she's your mum' including one fuckwit who reckoned she was being abusive by not allowing her children to have a relationship with their grandparents.…

She's had a lot of support and is one of the strongest person I've ever met. While her father has not been convicted of abuse himself, she is sure it's a matter of time.

What usually happens when people actively make choices to be friends with people who commit some of the most serious crimes we have in society is that others will quite understandably be shocked and appalled by that choice.

This does not change because a great big white frock is thrown into the mix.

Sometimes less tolerance is needed.

This does not change because of the previously mentioned white frock.

Wearing a white frock does not excuse someone from decent socially acceptable standards of behaviour.

Addto isnt, but the Bride and Groom certainly are.

The issue is that Addto thinks the OP shouldn't spoil the B&G's day by being honest about WHY she doesn't want to go.. and tried to justify the B&G's reasons for inviting him.

You can't justify that...

mamabird I am sorry you had to experience what you did