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AIBU?

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Original poster

To LOL at DP's EXW putting up wedding photos....

291 replies

movingonup2015 · 19/04/2016 09:48

I know (well I think anyway) I'm not being unreasonable to think this is slightly weird

DP has been divorced for several years, went to collect DS last week to find the EXW had redecorated and put up framed photos of her and DP's wedding.. not of the guests just of the two of them in loving embraces!

DP asked her why on earth she felt it appropriate to put up their wedding photos when they hadn't been together for years and years and she just replied with she thought it was perfectly normal and that its for DS to look at...

It's not just me - that's really weird right?

OP posts:
WannaBe · 19/04/2016 11:01

"I didn't realise sharing with your partner what your crazy ex has done is so frowned upon." when the relationship is supposedly amicable enough that he comes into the house, into the lounge presumably so far enough in to see what she's done with the house and to notice the pictures, then yes, going back to his new partner to bitch about what she has done with her space, which he has essentially been invited into, should be frowned upon.

RidersOnTheStorm · 19/04/2016 11:02

It is odd, OP. Ignore those calling you nasty, I can see why you think it's odd and it is your business if your DP made it so.

Sad that DSS thinks his mum is a weirdo but if this is an example of how she behaves I can see why.

PirateSmile · 19/04/2016 11:02

I think that the fact they are in loving embraces is very odd.

GoblinLittleOwl · 19/04/2016 11:03

It really isn't your business, OP, and it is unkind to laugh out loud and regard her as weird. You think her son doesn't pick up on this?

UpsiLondoes · 19/04/2016 11:06

So when your boyfriend replied to his son, "What did your mum say when you asked her why she put the pictures up" .... What did the boy reply?

Because most parents I know would encourage their child to communicate with the other parent if they were confused by something happening in their own home. And then tell them off for calling any adult weirdo, let alone a parent!

Baboooshka · 19/04/2016 11:06

I didn't realise sharing with your partner what your crazy ex has done is so frowned upon.

It is when you're co-parenting a child you've created with 'crazy ex'.

It's surprisingly hard to keep sneery mean-spirited attitudes private; kids pick up on much more than you'd think. The DS calling his mum a 'weirdo' is dismal in so many ways. I had divorced parents who, on the whole, would've been very stern about my saying such a disrespectful thing about the other. I know other kids whose parents openly encouraged them to bitch, or did the whole half-assed 'oh, you shouldn't say that about your mum... I mean, it's true, but...' bullshit. Also knew plenty of kids who constantly complained about one parent to the other, and vice versa: both parents certain that they were the 'good' one, completely unaware that they were either being played or that it was a sad attempt to bond.

Yay, negotiating divorce with children! Big LOLs!

PrincessPeachy29 · 19/04/2016 11:08

I kind of get it actually. Children find it comforting to know their parents once loved each other and chose to be married. It's a way of reassuring her son he came from a loving relationship.

Just because the relationship is over now it doesn't mean she should erase it from her and her son's memory. YABU.

OllyBJolly · 19/04/2016 11:11

I didn't realise sharing with your partner what your crazy ex has done is so frowned upon

Constantly amazes me the number of "crazy exes" discussed on here. Sadly, these "crazy exes" are usually women, bearing the majority of responsibility for childcare, running a home on a greatly reduced income. Very often they are coping with the emotional roller coaster of being in that situation through no volition of their own.

The fact it's women who label other women in this way - and appear to rejoice in it - just makes me so sad.

Original poster
movingonup2015 · 19/04/2016 11:11

I'm not sure why people keep saying what my attitude is doing to my boyfriends son as I've never so much as said a bad word about her (to him) and I don't agree with him when he says bad things about his mum, I never have and never will. DP always reprimands his son when he says negative things about his mum, and DP never ever slags off his ex when his son is around so anything his son comes out with he has come to that conclusion on his own with no input from me, DP or anyone else. Apologies for more drip feeding btw...

OP posts:
Sprink · 19/04/2016 11:13

If they have an amicable enough relationship that he comes into the house, far enough in to see what pictures she has up and where, and is then going back to his partner and bitching about her then yes, it's bloody disrespectful.

At no point did the OP say he came back and started bitching about the ex. I don't think it was even implied.

Couples talk, about important and unimportant things. Displaying these photospresumably after a long period of time that they weren't on displayis unusual enough to deserve a mention.

It's not an inherently disrespectful act. To suggest the opposite is an overreaction.

OohMavis · 19/04/2016 11:14

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TheRealCornholio · 19/04/2016 11:15

Agree ollybjolly.

And it should be frowned upon to have so little respect for someone you cared enough to marry and make a human with. Not some random ex you ran in to at the shops.

SaucyJack · 19/04/2016 11:18

"I think it's just after a long few years of many tricks trying to split me and DP up that I'm thinking perhaps this is another way of trying to get him to see she still wants him back."

Well okay. If she's done something actively spiteful to harm your relationship, then fine. Bitch about that until your ears fall off. I would.

I just feel a bit sorry for her from what you've actually told us about her. She either isnt coping, or has a son that likes to mock and undermine her.

Y'know, not all ex-wives dust themselves off and move on with their lives after their husband fucks off and leaves them holding the baby. My mum never did- although she'd rather have stuck a hammer through the wall than stuck a photo of my dad to it.

not everyone gets a happy ever after.

ouryve · 19/04/2016 11:21

Having loads of such pics up is odd, but it sounds like she's worrying about presenting a picture of normality to her DS. For all you know, she may have people in her life (goodness knows I've tripped over enough of them on here - there was a whole thread about it, the other day) dripping poison in her ear about how splitting up from her DS's father is going to damage him.

lem73 · 19/04/2016 11:23

Perhaps she's not over it and thats a shame but you did sound like you were gloating when you said that your dss called her a weirdo. I personally think you've started a thread so you can feel smug when lots of people agree with you. It's very unkind.

SleepyBoBo · 19/04/2016 11:24

I don't think your title puts you in a good light OP. However, I do think it's odd she's suddenly put up pictures up of her wedding day. From what I've read, it seems it's just happened after a long time and if your step-son finds it odd, there must be a bit more to it. However this is not the forum to discuss it, not a very symapthetic place.

There's nothing wrong sharing pictures from the past - I once asked to see my parents wedding picture, but to have it hanging up would be quite odd. It's quite sad, looking at a happy wedding photo, knowing the reality is now very different and that at least one of those people is happy with someone else. I would actually step in next time your step-son calls his mum a horrid name - just a 'that's not ok, she's your mum, don't speak about her like that' is fine and let his dad take it further if needed. It does read like the ex has issues, but that's between her and her ex, just stay totally out of it (or it may come back on you).

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 19/04/2016 11:25

Your other threads about his ex just go to show how very insecure you seem.

I don't think his ex is the problem here. You need to talk to your boyfriend about it.

This.

MeredithFrampton · 19/04/2016 11:28

I would actually step in next time your step-son calls his mum a horrid name - just a 'that's not ok, she's your mum, don't speak about her like that' is fine and let his dad take it further if needed. It does read like the ex has issues, but that's between her and her ex, just stay totally out of it (or it may come back on you).

Good advice, but I can't see the OP following it, given that she is obviously delighted to hear her STEPson (not her DS, as she keeps calling him) saying poisonous things about his mother.

Not sure why you think it's so hilarious that you're LOLLing, OP. It's really venomous and unpleasant. Were they still married when you met him, by any chance?

KnotNora · 19/04/2016 11:31

I have no words for this.

You sound hugely insecure, goady and smug. I imagine you just love the kid calling his mum a weirdo and saying how confused he is. I'd ask uourself why he feels able to say those things to you both?

Original poster
movingonup2015 · 19/04/2016 11:38

ok - I'm not delighted he keeps calling her a weirdo - where did I say I was happy about that? I only put that in there to show it wasn't my partners son that wanted these photos up as others have suggested, and he too finds it odd.

No they weren't married when I met him - they were divorced.

OP posts:
KnotNora · 19/04/2016 11:40

Ok I've just looked through some of your previous posts. Not the done thing I know.

In the nicest possible way you seem very very insecure about your DP having a child and ex. It seems like one thing after another.

OohMavis · 19/04/2016 11:42

The timeline of you getting together and them going through a divorce seems to jump about a bit between threads. In one you say you'd known your boyfriend and his ex-wife as a couple for ten years.

Do you think you knowing them together as a unit for so long may be making you insecure, OP? As if she's 'had more of him' than you have? Genuine question, because you don't seem at all ok with him and his ex having any sort of amicable relationship.

ollieplimsoles · 19/04/2016 11:49

were you the ow by any chance op?

Sallystyle · 19/04/2016 11:49

I have one of me and my ex on our wedding day hanging in my bedroom.

He died two years ago of cancer and my little daughter (not his daughter) put it up with blue tac so her brother's could see him when they came into my room. It was so sweet of her that I kept it up.

I also have a big canvas of him in my living room that my husband put up. I sometimes wear his homer slippers as well, can fit two feet into one!

If he was still alive I wouldn't have the photos on show but I don't think it is that odd.

KnotNora · 19/04/2016 11:56

I have a photo of ex husband up on our wedding day, part of a collage.

The DC also have a photo of him in their bedrooms.

No idea if the ex knows about them or not. Thing is you can look at it one of two ways.

  1. Oh DSS that's nice, mummy and daddy loved each other very much and that's why they had you. You should remember that when you see the photo. Now let's go play a game.
  1. You can over play it in your head and imagine that ex is trying to convey some secret message to your DP or trying to confuse the kid.

Then ask yourself why you chose to go down that route.

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