To LOL at DP's EXW putting up wedding photos....

[movingonup2015]

I know (well I think anyway) I'm not being unreasonable to think this is slightly weird

DP has been divorced for several years, went to collect DS last week to find the EXW had redecorated and put up framed photos of her and DP's wedding.. not of the guests just of the two of them in loving embraces!

DP asked her why on earth she felt it appropriate to put up their wedding photos when they hadn't been together for years and years and she just replied with she thought it was perfectly normal and that its for DS to look at...

It's not just me - that's really weird right?

Why bother wondering about why she put the picture up?
Your DP doesn't like her - She is no threat to you.
Whatever her reasons, they are none of your business. If you think it is weird, that is fine, you are entitled to an opinion, but don't try to get approval and support from others to agree with you.

gottagetmoving this specific incident (the photos) might not be any of her business (though arguably they are her DPs) but it seems this is just a small piece of a bigger issue of a women (the ex) who can't / won't move on and seems determined to make the OPs life difficult and try and cause trouble in her relationship.

I BET if a woman started a thread asking if it was weird that her ex H had redecorated several years after leaving her and had put lovey dovey couple wedding pics up and was trying to stop her moving on with a new relationship EVERYONE would be saying it was weird and controlling behaviour. But of course because it's an EX WIFE many people are seeing it as "normal" ...

Mumsnet double standards at their finest again!

gottGet just because the Op's DP "doesn't like" his ex it doesn't meN she's "no threat" - she is clearly trying to make OPs life difficult.

Love the way you have invented a scenario 'a woman posting about her XH..' answered your own made up scenario with a made up response and then concluded 'Mumsnet double standards at their finest' - now that is bizarre !

kurri - are you saying if it were the other way round (gender wise I mean) people would be saying the same?

Btw I can see how it was a bit of a step too far by saying "MN double standards" on something which was a "scenario" but it just strikes me that one of the main reasons people are sniping at OP is because she's talking about an EXW

No, the main reason that people are sniping have nothing to do with who she is talking about, rather the obsessive, snide, twatty tone that she uses to talk about that person.

HTH!

I think that the most important thing for any stepmum to learn is how to disregard abuse, snubs, rudeness and assumptions from not only her DPs ex, but also family, friends and random strangers.

There will always be people who judge you based solely on the fact that you are in a relationship with a man with DCs. How you behave cannot overcome the generations of social conditioning that informs the harsh judgements.

Many posters on this thread have policed the OPs thoughts. Not her actions, not her behaviour, her thoughts. Which isn't really in the spirit of MN, is it?

"HTH!" Always makes me laugh.

When you have a difficult person in your life it helps to release frustration to laugh about the actions/things that have been said. The only time this is acceptable for MN is if the person in question is an ex husband, Mil, colleague, next door neighbour, person in the street..etc..but NOT an ex WIFE..faultless until proven otherwise - especially if a 'new' partner is posting.

four I know! Especially when criticising someone else's tone!

mango I did actually LOL at your post accusing OP of being obsessive when it's the EX who's redecorating with lovey dovey pics of a man who's now happily with someone else and an EX who's busy making plans knowing it will ruin OPs weekend with her DP!

Sorry - have been out all evening.

No I am saying we don't know what people would say because it's a hypothetical situation. One possibility is that we would get a variety of opinions just as we have on this thread - some for, some against the OP's viewpoint.

We don't know.

Therefore to assume that people will answer a certain way and then label people guilty of double standards based on an assumption about something that hasn't happened, is strange.
Your post seemed to have a high level of outrage about non-existent replies to a question which hasn't been asked. You have accused fictional posters replying to a fictional post of double standards, and then extended this unreality to criticise Mumsnet in general. I find that odd.

lots of he posters would really benefit from 'Master My Stories' section of Crucial Conversations. A great eye opening read

So many of our reactions are based on our own added fabrication to a story and/or then trying to force that story to fit our scenario.

Some show HowToDo this perfectly on this thread. Totally made up story to make a point. Baffling!

It's weird.

Idk why everyone is being so self righteous like they walk around minding their own business and never saying a bad word about anyone.

howtodowills you are saying you bet IF it were a man doing this not a woman it would be called weird AND then accusing Mumsnetters of double standards based on what you're imagining.

Mate, have you got a problem! Get a grip or find somewhere else to troll.

sabine
Yes - up thread I said I realised id gone a bit far with my scenario!
Ps. I'm not your mate :)