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AIBU?

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Original poster

To LOL at DP's EXW putting up wedding photos....

291 replies

movingonup2015 · 19/04/2016 09:48

I know (well I think anyway) I'm not being unreasonable to think this is slightly weird

DP has been divorced for several years, went to collect DS last week to find the EXW had redecorated and put up framed photos of her and DP's wedding.. not of the guests just of the two of them in loving embraces!

DP asked her why on earth she felt it appropriate to put up their wedding photos when they hadn't been together for years and years and she just replied with she thought it was perfectly normal and that its for DS to look at...

It's not just me - that's really weird right?

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 19/04/2016 20:21

Probably because people would judge.

I don't see anything wrong with being with a man who is separated yet not divorced, but some people will automatically see 'married man' and be arsey.

MeredithFrampton · 19/04/2016 20:30

I asked her directly earlier Grays and she lied more than once saying that they were already divorced when she met him.

It's quite a significant lie and I think she is aware that it would paint the relationships invloved in quite a different light.

Anyway I'm interested to know why she thought it was OK to distort it like that...

sleeponeday · 19/04/2016 20:36

I'm someone who rarely posts on AIBU in a way that's very hostile to the OP, but reading your posts was very upsetting, because a small boy is trapped in this mess.

You hate that woman. You speak about her in a nasty, gloating, venomous way. And she's your stepchild's mother. The most important person in his young life. You want him to despise her, too - it's blatantly obvious.

He will know how you feel about his mother. He may say what you want to hear to placate you, but that will be all he is doing. You will be hurting him, confusing him, and distressing him appallingly badly. His parents are his parents - both of them, as a couple, brought him into the world and they will be co-parenting him, without you, for the rest of his life. You might want to pretend that's not true, or that you are in some way involved in that set-up, but you aren't involved and it is the truth. Deal with it - in an adult, sane manner.

If you keep on this way, you will fuck that child up very badly.

Penguinepenguins · 19/04/2016 20:43

why can't people just comment on the actual post!

it is weird that a woman who has been divorced for that length of time has decided to put up photos of her and her ex-husband in lovey dovey wedding photos. The child in question thinks it's weird he wanted photos of his dog.

If this was a divorced woman with no children you would all think this was weird.

Penguinepenguins · 19/04/2016 20:44

OP suggest in future posting on the step parenting forum you will find that you will be given advise

FelicityFunknickle · 19/04/2016 20:44

sleeponeday totally agree.

OP YABVU

FelicityFunknickle · 19/04/2016 20:48

It might well be unusual to keep wedding photos up after a divorce.
But it is distasteful and unkind for the OP to "LOL" about it.
I wouldn't neccessarily think it weird for someone to keep their wedding photos on display. The woman is / was probably heartbroken.

GeezAJammyPeece · 19/04/2016 20:50

How is she a 'stepmum'? They're not married. She's his dad's girlfriend,

^ this ^ really fucks me off

So, by that rationale; my DP; who has fed, loved, clothed, homed & guided my almost 21y.o.DD for over 19 years; is just her mum's boyfriend? Whilst the ones who werent smart enough to escapes the clutches of her biological father before becoming another in his string of failed marriages/relationships are quite obviously definitely worthy of the moniker of Stepmum.....

Because clearly getting hitched to a twat and joining in with his twattery trumps being the one who takes her to school, cleans up her sick, teaches her to ride a bike and sits up till 3am so he can go pick her up

I can just imagine the vitriolic responses the op would receive if the OP came on here and said "x,y & z are happing in the life of DP's DS; but I'm not giving a fuck about any of it - he's nothing to me, he's just my boyfriend's son" The same ones shouting "not a stepmum" would be baying like a pack of rabid animals.

Oh, and No, YANBU to think that plastering wedding pictures from a previous relationship all over your front room is a bit weird.

zeezeek · 19/04/2016 20:56

Penguins it's also the case that if it was anyone other than the dreaded step mother and new partner posting, people would think it weird too.

GeezAJammyPeece · 19/04/2016 20:57

I wouldn't neccessarily think it weird for someone to keep their wedding photos on display. The woman is / was probably heartbroken.

FelicityFunknickle, the point that the op found weird was that the pictures weren't kept on display they were specifically put on display after an extended period of time post-divorce. That is unusual.

I'm just wondering if the redecoration colour scheme was specifically chosen to tone with the photos ?

suspiciousofgoldfish · 19/04/2016 20:59

She's probably got a shoebox full of pictures of his knob somewhere in the house too.

Goldfish adds helpfully

Eustace2016 · 19/04/2016 21:04

English and truth are absolutely vital. People calling people father who aren't their father or step mother when the couple aren't married are peddling a lie and saying to the chidlren that inaccuracy of English doesn't matter. It matters a huge amount.

paxillin · 19/04/2016 21:13

Maybe she is heartbroken still. Maybe the only bad thing about her marriage was her DH leaving. It's possible he waited around for a better prospect and left out of the blue, and she had no idea their marriage was in danger at all until it was too late. Maybe she wants to remember the good times with dignity.

Your DSS says what he thinks you'd like to hear, kids can be remarkably smart and often know a lot more than we think. Strangely, you sound like the jealous and over-invested one in all this. Your DP will naturally also say what you want to hear. Your DSS is going to remember all this and will in time make sense of it. Mum was clearly grieving her marriage and the loss of her DH. Your derision of this will look vindictive. You've got the man, leave her be.

GeezAJammyPeece · 19/04/2016 21:16

People calling people father who aren't their father or step mother when the couple aren't married are peddling a lie and saying to the chidlren that inaccuracy of English doesn't matter.

I'm afraid, i must disagree with your argument. Someone who is not a child's parent does not magically become that child's parent/stepparent simply by marrying the other party.
That has nothing to do with "the truth of the English language" Confused

MNHQ
PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 19/04/2016 21:20

Evening all
Trust you're all sticking to the MN Guidelines.
Peace and love
MNHQ

GraysAnalogy · 19/04/2016 21:21

My mum wasn't married to her partner. He brought me up though. Therefore he was, in name, my stepdad. Whether people think thats right or not, he earned more than the title of 'mums boyfriend' by bringing me up.

Bluebell878275 · 19/04/2016 21:25

OllyBJolly LOL..you haven't a clue..but you wouldn't, obviously, as you don't know my situation. Husband's ex is an unkind and vile person and can be as disrespectful and nasty as she pleases to me, DH and her daughter..that's OK though as she was first on the scene and is obviously not over it yet....no I wasn't the OW (in case that was your next thought).

WannaBe · 19/04/2016 21:26

Bloody hell. While I think that the OP is incredibly insecure and on the whole is out of order wrt her attitude towards the ex, some of the posts on this thread are beyond awful.

MeredithFrampton it is very bad form to drag up previous posts and quote them verbatim on another thread. And while I agree that the OP seems to have been inconsistent in her postings, she isn't on trial here. This is a talk forum, not a courtroom.

EarthboundMisfit · 19/04/2016 21:27

YANBU OP. It's odd and very sad really.

WannaBe · 19/04/2016 21:28

olivia have just sent in a report.....?

HooseRice · 19/04/2016 21:31

Your boyfriend is maybe still giving his DS's mother one.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/04/2016 21:31

Bloody hell, this all escalated to an extreme level. Calm it people.

MangoMoon · 19/04/2016 21:34

Oh, and No, YANBU to think that plastering wedding pictures from a previous relationship all over your front room is a bit weird.

Cannot find anywhere on here where it is suggested that wedding photos are 'plastered all over' anywhere, let alone the front room... Confused

Also, wrt step mum or not - OP still lives apart from her boyfriend, so isn't really a stepparent at all, simply the girlfriend of the boy's dad who happens to be around for some of the contact time.

SaucyJack · 19/04/2016 21:35

That was needlessly unpleasant HooseRice.

GraysAnalogy · 19/04/2016 21:36

Fucking hell.

OP first gets railed out like she's on an episode of Judge Judy then THAT comments comes about. Vile.