Infuriated. MIL gave DS his first hair cut!

[trulyscrumptious33]

I am raging.

One year old DS was being looked after by my MIL yesterday whilst I was at work. Upon my return, I notice that his hair looked a bit different. He has (well...had) a head full of curls, particularly around the sides and back, but I thought perhaps she had dried it patting the curls down so didn't think much more of it.

Until I went to the bathroom.

On top of the toilet was a pile of his curly locks. She had taken it upon herself to give him his first hair cut without asking me.

When she realised I was in the bathroom, she persistently called me to help her with something, was an obvious attempt at trying to distract me before I saw the evidence.

I picked up a lock for the baby book (and to give as evidence when I got back home to DH), and exited the bathroom rather in shock.

I didn't confront her (she is a very difficult character and confrontations are not the best way to deal with her). In the 5 minutes I remained she did not confess nor offer a lock from his first hair cut for keepsakes.

I rang DH on the way home rather aghast, he hit the roof!

Can you believe she would do that?! I am devastated that his beautiful head of curls are depleted to a remaining few, and that she took away a 'first' from us.

WWYD?

I absolutely hate long curly hair on boys, it always look so effeminate and I'd never allow it with my ds (luckily, his hair is dead straight and we've always kept it short). However, your mil was dead wrong to cut it herself. If she wanted to constantly nag your dh ("sort out gs's hair ffs, he looks like a girl") then fair enough, that's part and parcel of being a granny. But she should've left it at that and not taken the law into her own hands. But look, it's not a hanging offence.

Right - so girls have long hair and boys have short hair. Have I got this right?

Warning. MiL thread about to turn into gender stereotyping thread.....

I absolutely hate long curly hair on boys, it always look so effeminate and I'd never allow it with my ds

God love you, as a Yorkshire friend of mine always says. ('Bless your heart' is the Deep South variation, apparently.)

Not a hanging offence, no, but I wouldn't visit with my child for a long time. (Enough time for the length to have grown back) and she wouldn't look after him again!

"sort out gs's hair ffs, he looks like a girl") then fair enough, that's part and parcel of being a granny.

Not in my world it isn't.

Let's hope that IrishDad's son doesn't want to grow his hair when he's older...

"I absolutely hate long curly hair on boys, it always look so effeminate"

Just because you hate male curly hair doesn't mean other people are as narrow minded, who feel the opposite.

You're right that its not a hanging offence but the OP has not suggested she wants to kill MIL.

I agree with the poster who said firsts are over-rated, but the OP is clearly talking about someone who oversteps boundaries.

I agree with minimal contact with any negative influence.

Tiggywinkler
"Let's hope that IrishDad's son doesn't want to grow his hair when he's older...hmm"

Hey, when he's old enough to pay for his own haircuts, he can have whatever the hell style he wants. But if he does get a style I don't like, I reserve the right to say "sort your hair out, would you". If he chooses not to, fair enough.

I believe this is apt at this point:

Oh boo - the writing's a bit small - it says:
"...and get your hair cut! You're a disgrace to the family."

irishdad if he is old enough to pay for his own haircuts and you think it is reasonable to criticise then I think you are being just rude. Would you expect to go up to a grown adult and tell them you don't like their hair? That's the path to your child eventually going nc.

Grow a backbone and stand up for yourself and your son. Not suggesting you should have screamed and shouted - but you said nothing at all. & I suspect its because you want the childcare

You are not the only one who has to deal with difficult work hours. Its does't matter what field you are in. I have an arts background too, did school workshops and performances for years, festivals etc. Juggling childcare was a nightmare at times, between after school club, a really kind school mum, and my brother I mostly got by, after a time. But there were some times I could NOT take bookings - and I accepted that. Incidentally what do you do if your DM is ill, and unable to care for
your DS?

My mum was into competing with me to be a "better mother" to my girls. Silly woman would even throw away some of my food shopping, little bits so I didnt notice at 1st until DDs told me - and replace it with stuff she preferred ie a better brand of baked beans! She'd do it with clothes too, take them to get hair done etc

But there was no way I was going to leave my DDs with her, and let her get away with disrespecting me and being way too involved in what they ate, drank, dressed, and how they wore their hair. I love arts - still do, Im in it on a self-employed basis all these years later, easy now that DDs have grown up! Very tough when they are young tho, as you know.

If the reason you didn't say anything is because you desperately want the childcare then, you may as well remain silent about it all. In my case, hard as it is, I paid for afterschool club and school mum "ad hoc" care, and was grateful to my brother for helping out other times when he could. You at least have a DH - Id split with mine by then. Between the 2 of you, you could do what millions of other mums do - sort out paid childcare. Your DM is overstepping the mark, well thats her character and you already know it so if you're going to let her be a mother to your DS alongside you because you want time to do other stuff then thats on you

What are you going to do if she gets in a huff about all this and reduces time spent caring for your DS? As much as she loves him, that could happen she may step back a bit..

IrishDad is long straight hair okay for boys?

She's a twat. She also owns you. You didn't say anything? Yup she owns you and your kidwhile she looks after him until you stand up to this woman.