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Original poster

Infuriated. MIL gave DS his first hair cut!

192 replies

trulyscrumptious33 · 16/04/2016 07:48

I am raging.

One year old DS was being looked after by my MIL yesterday whilst I was at work. Upon my return, I notice that his hair looked a bit different. He has (well...had) a head full of curls, particularly around the sides and back, but I thought perhaps she had dried it patting the curls down so didn't think much more of it.

Until I went to the bathroom.

On top of the toilet was a pile of his curly locks. She had taken it upon herself to give him his first hair cut without asking me.

When she realised I was in the bathroom, she persistently called me to help her with something, was an obvious attempt at trying to distract me before I saw the evidence.

I picked up a lock for the baby book (and to give as evidence when I got back home to DH), and exited the bathroom rather in shock.

I didn't confront her (she is a very difficult character and confrontations are not the best way to deal with her). In the 5 minutes I remained she did not confess nor offer a lock from his first hair cut for keepsakes.

I rang DH on the way home rather aghast, he hit the roof!

Can you believe she would do that?! I am devastated that his beautiful head of curls are depleted to a remaining few, and that she took away a 'first' from us.

WWYD?

OP posts:
dublindee · 17/04/2016 10:27

My 'd'm conditionally baptised my eldest when she stayed with us and let us out for a few hours "couple time"

I'm Catholic and DH is Church of Wales. We hadn't married at that stage and we're still discussing all of our options. I was LIVID. She KNEW what she was doing, but had complete disregard for our wishes and barged ahead as she knew best.

Yet she "never interfered" in any of our relationships Hmm

Have a Flowers and please do call her out in this. If you don't- she will constantly overstep your boundaries xxx

cruusshed · 17/04/2016 10:35

If she looks after your child - she will fake compliance with your wishes and deliberately do exactly as she wants once you are out of the way in a revenge and controlling way.

She has proved herself to be obstructive, disrespectful to your wishes, a liar and hides evidence.

Even if it was only a lock of hair any normal person would be mortified that that they had inadvertently over stepped a mark and apologise profusely .... she cant do this because she is not normal. You all need to remember this.

Leaving her alone with your child will give her carte blanche to enact her warped fantasies - with her as the Mother and you cast as some second rate person in your sons life. These people are toxic - don't let her pollute your child - she is already negatively impacting your marriage.

shockthemonkey · 17/04/2016 10:39

Well done for your DH stepping up.

If she had only taken one lock as she claims, then in anyone's book that was a very silly haircut to give. Who lobs off just one chunk from a full head of hair?

clareanna · 17/04/2016 10:42

My mother did this to my DS too - she looks after them 3 days a week and has a real thing about hair length. I was furious, and ridiculously upset. I called her out there and then and we agreed some more boundaries- she will always offer me her opinion and I will always want to hear it, but I might not agree with it, and certain decisions are mine not hers. Mum explained it as the love she had for DS is almost like he's her child too - and I love that they have that bond.., as long as she stays away from his hair.
Side note - DS is now 8 and she complains of his hair is cut too short Hmm

beccabanana · 17/04/2016 10:43

If she can't see what she's done wrong after her own son telling her, what will she do in the future? She clearly has no respect for you as parents and like others have said, it's not about a 'first' - you didn't mention your son needed a haircut or wanted his curls cutting, she just decided she wanted to cut them. It's the same if a 10 year old child had beautiful long hair and a MIL decided to get it cut - it's not their decision!
If alternative childcare looks like it might work for you, get it sorted ASAP and MIL might understand how out of order she is!

user12785 · 17/04/2016 10:58

My friend's childminder did this to her dd. She wasn't happy, but let it go because they had chatted about how dd needed a haircut, and the cm thought she was helping a busy mum.

ananas1307 · 17/04/2016 10:58

I agree with Ohsotired. The issue is that's he's YOUR child and therefore it wasn't her place to do that. I'd be livid.

80sMum · 17/04/2016 11:04

"she took it upon herself to paint the wall in the garden room a different colour, remove furniture and put other pieces that she thought were more appropriate in there, oh and shifted it all around."

^ Truly, that is a shocking invasion of privacy!

AnotherTimeMaybe · 17/04/2016 11:08

That's one of those threads again where in laws are taking the piss when they know they are needed for childcare ! Not as bad as feeding a vegan meat but still it's a power game!
never had my MIL babysit for this exact reason!

needsadrinky · 17/04/2016 11:13

I would be livid also she overstepped a boundary and needs to be told in no uncertain terms he is your son not hers. Also I'm registered as a childminder and there are those of us out there registered to do overnight care and therefore willing to cover for parents who work unsociable hours or do shift work or those who keep a place free for emergency cover for others I have a friend who only looks after one child full time but can have 3 more! I suggest you get on to your local mum Facebook page and ask for childcare advice & help I'm sure you'll get pointed in the direction of some great flexible childcare good luck with the mil Thanks

blindsider · 17/04/2016 11:29

I would be going to the police and asking for an assault charge

Hahahahaha FIFA some people on here are hysterical, you wonder how they cope with life.

Old billius triggerhappius can't be bothered to investigate burglaries I can just see them sending round the flying squad because granny has cut off a few of Lord Fauntleroy's 'golden curls'

lavenderhoney · 17/04/2016 11:35

Interesting she won't apologise. My ex mil redecorated my and the DC bedrooms ( less than a week after I had redecorated) causing the DC to sob as she had replaced their chosen linen and curtains. Ex dh was furious but backed down as she cried and said she was nice and I was very ungrateful. Ex dh then agreed with her!

Ex dh took DC to stay with her recently and dd ( long blonde curly hair) said ex mil kept wanting to to take her to get all her hair cut off and even offered her toys/ money to do so. Dd is 6, happy with her hair and found it quite stressful to say no all the time. Ex mil said it would be a nice surprise for mummy.

RuthyToothy · 17/04/2016 11:39

I would be going to the police and asking for an assault

Are you kidding? Hmm

RubbleBubble00 · 17/04/2016 11:39

the paint was on the wall - literally - with this one.

After she redecorated without permission, not really that surprising

achapman · 17/04/2016 11:49

You need to get a sense of proportion. MIL made an assumption. It's just a haircut, not bl child abuse.

Assuming you want/need to get on with your in-laws in future, the relationship with them is something you have to negotiate with them. Flying off the handle isn't going to help, just start a war.

a1poshpaws · 17/04/2016 11:51

Don't let her have him alone ever again.

ReySkywalker · 17/04/2016 12:05

Wow! I can totally understand you not saying anything at the time, you must've been in shock.

What was going through her mind? Even now, how does she think you'll agree that she only took one lock - the physical evidence is there whenever you look at him.

You can't have any more obligation to her, find different childcare - the cost is nothing to pay for peace of mind.

If they don't do childcare, taking care of grandkids is a privilege not a right and can only happen if you trust her to follow boundaries.

Poor you

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 17/04/2016 12:08

achapman it's not just a haircut. It's a woman who has no boundaries. She decorated their home. She's moved and removed furniture. She cut hair. She lied about it.

She needs to fuck off.

whatamess0815 · 17/04/2016 12:09

I get why you are upset but I think itis blown out of propertion. you only really noticed it when you saw the curls in the bathroom. so it hardly sounds like a radical cut.

Maybe change childcare and use a nursery OT childminder if it affects you that much.

SabineUndine · 17/04/2016 12:13

She's still denying it. You could understand her quietly sneaking ONE curl for sentimental reasons, but that's not what she did.

sleeponeday · 17/04/2016 12:30

I'd get DH to show his father the curl you took, and ask how she has the "single curl" she took if you also have it? And then point out that she clearly didn't know you'd taken one, or she wouldn't have lied as she did... which indicates the size of the original pile!

Honestly, if she's this much of a nightmare then your child shouldn't have to cope with her one on one. My mother used my grandmother for childcare because she was a single parent with few options, and she didn't connect that the woman who had been so vile to her when nobody was around would be the same to the grandchildren. Someone who is a bloody nightmare is unlikely to be better when they have absolute and undiluted power - as all adults do, over a child.

lavenderhoney what a nasty, spiteful piece of work your MIL still sounds. Pretty clear she wanted to use your DD's hair as a way to attack you and show your lack of say over the children when your ex and his family have them. Silly of her, really... I mean, all she's doing is confirming how wise you were to get shot of her vile son!

Firstmum24 · 17/04/2016 12:35

I hope your DS curls grow back, I had ringlets as a baby and my mum gave me my first 'trim' and they never grew back. Just a sort of wavy mane now..
That's awful though it is such a personal thing. Flowers

Cocolepew · 17/04/2016 12:40

Whats the point of saying it was one curl when you just have to look to see it wasn't Confused

NewLife4Me · 17/04/2016 12:40

She'd not be looking after mine again, certainly.
They will do these things if you rely on them for childcare.
this is why if you need cc you should pay a professional or suck up anything the bat shit crazy ils dish up.
Sorry you are upset by this, OP Thanks

HidingUnderARock · 17/04/2016 12:52

OK, going to admit I am not in a good mood just now, and I have not read the full thread.

It seems like time to give your MIL a haircut.

Are you as much bigger than her as she is bigger than your 1yo or will your DH need to hold her down.

Flowers I feel your pain.

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